Less than content with
the content you're left with
corrupted
with eroded shoulders
worn down by
the weight of your potential

don't believe in fate
if god decides to show its face
**** on your words
here that bitter regret
bruising

test the limits
of your passion
of your trust
one is daunting
the other claustrophobic
to be caged so tightly by anxiety

tortured by the thought of imperfection

you with your eyes that shade of black
your skin that shade of pale
your hope that shade of never coming back
they don’t notice you feel frail

you left the table with a smile
your hair flowing down your spine
you’ll be one moment, yet that moment lasts a while
they all believe that you’re just fine

you return with eyes all blurry
you forgot to let down your hair
you change the subject in a hurry
you’re too in tune with all these stares

regurgitate your fears
and pray to that porcelain lord
you’ve been praying all these years
to this hell that you’ve adored
so tell me
where in hell is your reward?

Internalize
what you love,
despise
desire
lose yourself, entire

yet don't dismiss
that inner tormented artist
when did we proclaim
that our dreams were unattainable?

The serpent of jealousy
slides through dusty veins
that trace your skeleton
so delicate

desire
to be empty
an addiction to the act of forgetting
yet you give permission
to your heart
you allow its hypnotic rhythm
to continually keep you up at night

rhetoric
is art
is falling
is free
unlike the cost
of loving what kills you
of loving
what is "me"

Beyond any language
I need the temptation
like rusted gears
turning in empathy
catharsis

taste iron and smile
for all the times you couldn't make it
yet still did
idiotic content
of the communal brain that we sustain
the sickness we maintain

clocks tick tocking still
counting down my time until
I can leave this window sill
and make my way to hell
I haven't been feeling
and when I do its not well
maybe I'll make it
time will tell
don't say I'll be alright
because
I'm viciously praying
that I won't make it through the night

apparently
you're gone.
In a way that you've left no remains.
I was holding on to
a concept
an ill timed joke
like sand
it slips
right through
my fist

My knuckles turn white
with sincerity
and I ponder the rain
that hits me
like a million kisses
did you stand under this rain
did you dance
did you think of our embrace

I'm letting you free

but first
I have to destroy
everything
myself
your memory
and any left over belief

we were
but we are not

a beautiful concept
that can't live on

and it is foolish
to clutch on to
dreams that are gone

I am all too fondly reminiscent of illness and shivers of melancholy. Like a raindrop, going nowhere but down, yet surrounded. As long as I'm not alone... though I crave your comfort like home. Where did you go? What did I say? What do they so easily offer, when I give you my heart and soul. No, you've always had them. You are my introduction and epilogue, you are my deepest, softest, whispered words come alive. You are my dream yet my night mare, because with you I am vulnerable. Conflict in your smile, in your tender caress and kiss. Unspoken, we always have been. Shall we evolve? Fade from the dim moonlit night into full, bright, blissful sunshine?

But then... there will always be clouds.

So?
Let's stop running from the shade, let's learn to dance together in the downfall of rain.

consume
I am hungry for more than matter
for energy
for impossibility
give it to me

I want it all
I want you too
albeit
I'll never give myself back to you