agitated by silence
the science of belief
by the absence of relief
you always keep your prayers brief

got left behind
on the way
to paradise
shaded softly by the scratched up silhouette
of the fast fading sunrise

I am consumed, a convict of my own convictions.

I am tempted by a dead end road, knowing better than anyone where it goes.
I crave uncovered bones, and the dizzy dreams I once called home.
I fret I’ll never meet my goal, though I’ve given everything, I’ve sold my soul.

What’s the price of fragility?

How much would I pay, how far will I go?
I’ll go all the way, to be the thinnest girl you know.
It’s not about skinny, it’s about control.
I want to let the emptiness swallow me whole.

I want, I need, I crave these chains.
I’m too far-gone to save;
I’m already on the train.
Don’t tell me I’m insane
I know that life and love are pain.
Sick superiority you claim
So you can play your tricks and games
With the fragile fabric of our brains

It’s not fair
Its love and war
But I don’t love the things
That I’m fighting for
I hate the cravings
I hate that I’m past saving
and the way I've been behaving

We don't want to be found
waste your smiles
on pretty girls
who will never look twice
at reality

but who are we to say otherwise?

search for a purpose
under faded city lights
looking for change
but change would find us

inhale the iron aroma
of flesh
veins
mind games

**** like vapid animals
what we were meant for, right?
allow smoke to tear your lungs
and bite your nails until they bleed

you are my melody
and I can be the beat.

who engraves the graves?
we discovered it all
and grow but never age

dive in and out of my bones
sleep with limbs knitted
sinking back and forth
throbbing bodies
we've got nothing

nothing to lose

Hold in your sentiments
that jump
the most graceful thing I've ever done

dive into the rabbit hole
singing all the while
weightless
approaching non existence

our veins are burning
we'll plead insane
its all wrong
you won't believe
that I don't lie through these false teeth
a breed of actors

do we let the emptiness win?
primal
naked
soaking in spotlights
slip into easy old footprints

but its only a dream
reasons fade
and scars stack up
what would you have done?

terrified and thrilled
drowning in ink
squeeze each other dry
take and take
and tick tock tick

affectionate bile
bitter honesty
you still feel sick
regret tastes like envy

running on instinct
continuity is a curse
I confess
I try to be distant
different?
anything but in the moment

recognize your delusions
don't count on the constant beat or breath
leave your artificial loyalty

you itch to collapse
to make an impact.

Your comprehension
of the space between my words
shocks
scares
excites me
makes me fall in love

I am the monster under your bed
eating your heart
I am the monster, I live in your head,
breaking you apart

**** time
and space if you can
taste each other
late in the night
summer haze
and the numbness of winter weeks
cold, still

diagnoses
never live up to our childhood dreams
inhale the novocaine air
lose your attempted symmetry

I still kiss your picture
every night before I dream
waiting for the day
I'll bleed from the shattered glass

pass the craved smoke
mouth to mouth
with the unsaid urgency
of saving yourself

My spine against your heart
arching
stretching
emaciated
grotesque
but you hold on

in our bad habits
we created a home
safe

from the terrors
numb like the nights

a ghost of a persona

What are we fighting?
do you remember?
we are diseased, displeased,
definition of undone

wait for the sound
to reassure you
you're not alone
even knowing, that you won't answer

clocks continue
to dictate lives
I want to get out
of my head
my body
my mind

there is no ink that could satisfy
my shaking fingers
aching for more
for comfort
for truth

perhaps we ache
we crave
the fear

remember the silence?
your sweetest secret place
they found you there
and lit a match to serenity

do we believe because we exist?
or exist because we believe?

questions haunting your daydreams
your night terrors
black like a lack
of anything
empty
but filled with subconscious

On a train to anywhere
I read scribbled love notes
from a stranger

we believe
in the narcissistic consumption of thought
is that art?

bite my dancing tongue
like electric mollasses
I slide down your throat

thoughts bleed through my sinuses
once again

but I wont give up

we live, in a cryptic sense
steps through the rubble
the things we've left behind
like a shadow of your chaos
sickly sweet soaking sugar

a finale
that doesn't have an end.

tick tock tick
enflame creativity and begin
swallow your diction
begin to feel sick
taste of acidity
like all those years ago
living in hell

eroded finger tips
and silly scars

look me in the eye
I know a lie
when I'm being raised by one

digress
into the silence of understanding
calm my tremors
hold my shaking limbs
against your ever beating chest

shivers down my spine
like blaming you

for why I am.