in the shadows of the night
the battle between flight or fight
i cling to you
but no one knows what's true
your choice between evil and good
would choose if if you could
you left me to fend
and the wounds that were unable to mend
during the darkest hour
was when i felt your worst power
alone in the dark you see
things that would  make you flee
so don't scream or cry
when its your turn to die

The first time I cried looking in the mirror was the day after I turned 13.
My mother told me it was time to start watching my weight.
She took me in front of a mirror and taught me how to point out my flaws.
My fat thighs.
My pudgy stomach.
Then she taught me how to exercise.

The first time I skipped a meal was halfway through my 14th year.
My father told me I was looking a big fat.
He wanted to make sure I remember how to look in the mirror and see my flaws.
My too round face.
My too big body.
Then he took away my plate

The first time I was told I was going nowhere in life was a week before my 15th birthday.
My parents looked at my report card and told me nothing
They wanted to make sure I knew how worthless I was
My Cs and Ds
My apathy
Then they left me alone.

Now I am almost 16.
And I am supposed to grow up.
In two years I am supposed to be an adult.
But I was never taught how.
I still raise my hand to speech in big groups.
I still have to ask to go to the bathroom.
But I am expected to make life changing decisions.
And all I can do is go back in front of that mirror and point out my flaws.
Just as I was taught to do.

How do you **** something that is inside you
Cutting your wrist?
No that doesn't work
Stop eating?
No that does nothing except hurt
Purging?
No, it's still inside
How do you **** something that is part of you
That is you
A part of you
Not a small part
Or even half
It consumes you
But
It hates people
Friends
People who want to help
It kills it
Smothers it
So let someone help
I want to help you
I'm not using the passive form of you
Not a general you
But you
Specifically you
I want to help you
I understand what so feels like to be dead inside
To have nothing to lose
So let me give you something to live for
And then maybe
I might have something to live for too