Paint me in your favorite  colors
Because what your eyes see is what's beautiful in me
so would you keep looking
when I'm happy when I'm sad when I'm mad
Just keep looking at me

and paint me in your favorite colors ..

I wanted to love every space
and every missing piece -
I wanted to see.

From the moment your
warm hands held mine
I felt safe, and I knew
this would be more.

I needed to know every
wonderful secret
every dark thought,
I wanted to know you.

To stick my fingers in
the little gaps of your
soul, I wanted to feel
everything you felt.

I wanted you to feel whole.

I desire to know every
dark nightmare,
the smell of blood
still thick in your mind.

Every dream and
every regret
I wanted to feel it all.

But-
I hesitate.

I need you to know
the love I've felt
and hidden,
for your sake.

I wanted to gently mend
every flaw you saw
in yourself, I wanted
to make life beautiful.

To let you in?
I wanted to try. I wanted to feel.

I wanted to be there to share
when the demons come breathing
down your neck and every sick
thought stalks your head.

I wanted you there when the
tears wouldn't stop
or couldn't start and
I wanted to catch all of yours.

But you feel I've done wrong.
Pain that ripped through my core
and begged me to scream out
every truth I've concealed-
terrified because my love is so deep
yet I never bothered to reveal.

I wanted to tell you
but the words are so heavy and
emotions so real.
Someday I'll tell you.

War in my mind as real
as the war you have seen.
Silence leaves me wondering
if you would fight for me.

I would fight.
I will fight.
I will fight for your love
until I can't fight any more.

I fell in love with you
that was my first mistake.

Empathy that shook my core
I wanted to feel all you felt.
I wanted you to feel what I felt.
(Because I knew you felt it, too.)

I wanted to give myself
until there was nothing left.
I wanted you to love me.

It started with kisses
strokes, brushes of your skin
igniting my fire
awakening my spirit.

Your hands moved my body
malleable as ever under your touch
and begging for your pent up passion.

You get me sighing, "oh ****"
as your lips make their way
down my thin neck
across my sharp collar bones
down my supple chest.

Everything moves so fast
my heart is racing
you're twisting me and
pleasing me, until I'm begging.

Perched on your hips
you look me up and down
with wonder, your gaze
darting from my eyes to my lips.

You're moving with me
until I can't stand it anymore
I give into the release
flooding your body with my
hot, sticky sweet.

"Wow, I really like that." All you can say
between stunned gasps. I giggle-
splashing and rubbing around
loving the look I've put on your face.

You're back inside me
slamming my body down
mercilessly, until my little whimpers
grow louder and I'm gushing
hot liquid all over you again.

"I really ******* like that." You tell me
and I'm trying to catch my breath.

I give you that look again
working my hips
sliding around-
our bodies connected
a rush that feels stronger than *******.

You're right on the edge-
forgetting the strength in your hands
together we're magnetic.

You push me off of you
but I haven't finished you yet-
I slide down your thighs
swallowing your passion
down my throat, full of love.

We stare in awe
of what just happened
two bodies interconnected
your eyes give you away
and I see you're amazed.

You look at me with adoration
and I'll promise you my dedication
as long as we always have determination
for each other's satisfaction.

The blackness of night screams alive.
Voices shouting from the deepest place
buried away in my scarred mind.

Flashbacks,
and the penny taste of blood keeps me awake
dragging and twisting my exhausted
body and psyche further away from sleep.

Liquid of life burns through my veins.
I feel it flow knowing those under the sheets
lined up on sides of streets were left cold.

The smell of blood is thick tonight.
It persists on the hands of any soldier
long after arriving back home.

I swear I leave ****** finger prints and
stray scatters of crimson spatters all around.

The secrets I keep
are starting to drip
slowly out of me.

Is the moon tired? she looks so pale
Within her misty veil:
She scales the sky from east to west,
And takes no rest.

Before the coming of the night
The moon shows papery white;
Before the dawning of the day
She fades away.

What
          are we,

                       but
            dead
   and dying leaves.

                                                       Swimming back -
                                                       Yearning for the warmth again.
            Second year without the
                                                  Spring(s)
                                                                ­  In my heart.

Sister's turning. . .
T̶w̶e̶n̶t̶y̶,
More years ahead
Than
Behind; our bent hands

                                         Can write. . .
                                               Or scratch The
                                                                ­          tiniest .holes.
                                                         ­                 In our minds.
                            While m̶i̶s̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶t̶o̶m̶s̶                                                 
     ­                                                             and stolen organs are
                                                                ­         Attempting to find that
                                                            ­             One perfect meaning
                                    That seems to be
                                                              ­           Right there.
                                                       ­                                           Off of the east coast,
                                                          ­   You know?
         Right out of reach.
                                   Beyond your misunderstanding and
                                        Way past the point of freezing.

But there is never
                        Any                                   turning                                      back.

We still   h
                   a
                     n
                        g
             On    by
                   a
             t
           w
           i
         g.

  Our last seed
Is                          out there,
      somewhere.

             You haven't lost it. . .
                                                   But,
The message is not what it means.

                                             I guess
                                                  That, that
                                                            ­is why

                                                            ­                                            We are
                                                             ­                                                        The dead
                                                          ­               and dying leaves.

The cold Winter winds have soaked these bones
Again and again
I long only for the warmth of Sol's Summer to penetrate my heart
To melt these burdens away
To allow the light inside to escape
To consume me from within

Her cold Winter words have soaked this mind
You're only a friend, dear one of mine
I long only for the warmth of her heart and her touch
To know that our minds are one
And I am finally complete
Able to begin

As Spring inches closer I realize I've been foolish
Again and again
You were right when you said I was stupid
You could've also added Jaded and Deluded
Why should I expect you to be any different
Than all the others who threw me away?

After all, you are only human