Morning rises over Philadelphia
and cracks the sky;
untangles legs once intertwined.
Sun beams pierce through the window,
Revealing two bodies withdrawn to distant sides
of the hotel bed,

The night spent chest to chest
will forever be kept in the dark.

Drowned in sensory.
Internal explosions bring
the first breath of life.

-

Transitory world.
Realms warping, realms vibrating,
encased inside mind.

-

The wall is shattered.
You: transcending, flourishing.
Break free from axis.

-

Blueprints mapped in stars.
Secrets of the intrepid
travelers rush in.

-

“This is existence.”
The cosmos engulf you in  
esoteric truth.

-

Electric surges
deaden all concept of time.  
“You’re immortal here.”

-

The universe speaks,
Your body is listening,
This is life’s essence.

-

You begin return
to physical world with eyes
of new perspective.

Warm breath lingers under sheets,
hugs gentle
and whispers,
"I'm sorry."
I lay here now
within the fine line boundaries of this love
and a piece of me must mourn for what may never be.
But I have found there is more truth to this holding
as it speaks for all the words that have gone unspoken,
all the unanswered questions.
I breathed you in deep,
awake to remember your skin.
Intertwined in ways more than just the extremities of our Earlthy bodies,
my soul is at ease knowing a piece of you
will always be held within a piece of me.

“The Unveiling”
A name so inconsistent for what it represents:
The pinch of the IV injection
The instant heaviness in my head
Wobbly knees
Being assisted to the “Treatment Room”
Its bitter sterility
Shedding my clothes
And all sense of control
The chill of the cold metal bed
The goose-bumps crawling over my skin
The stick of plastic beneath me
Luke-warm water
Slow pealing of ****** bandages
Sharp stings of pain
Quick to come again
And again
Soiled runoff dripping down my legs
Pop music playing over the speakers
The discomfort it caused me
Yellow curtains
The little boy on the other side
His screams filled with agony
Clenching a towel between my teeth
How it didn’t help either of us
Slowly examining the new skin
Black, blue, and bleeding
The smell of its rawness
Nausea
Hot tears on my cheeks
They burn
A team of doctors
Their impenetrable staring
Hearing them mumble, “It looks great.”
My disagreement
The gnawing desire to ask
Why
They give an utterly gut wrenching experience
Such a grandeur name

Skin torn and charred,
Leaking green.
Burned myself
a long road
So I’d be sure
To get lost along the way.
I wanted to get deep,
Find my bones-
It was the only way.
Learned to love
what tears the deepest-
this is no defense.
Moms in the corner
holding back tears.
Red eyes,
Bearing all the weight.
Dad can't even look at me,
Dad can't even breathe.
They told me
I tolerate the pain,
So stoic.
“She’s so strong,
so brave.”
They don’t know
I’ve been hurt worse.
Become accustomed
to the pain.
They don’t know
I wanted to get deep,
Find myself-
It was the only way.
Burn through flesh
And bleed,
Turn myself inside out-
It was the only way.

When the life inside of me begins to wither
like the leaves on winter trees,
And my breath begins to slow,
I'll use the very lasts gasps to say
how I get high to the smell of rain,
And that sunflowers
make me smile so naturally.
I'll say how I like the time spent alone,
And the nights I can't seem to find sleep.
I'll talk of the chills that overcome my body
when crashing waves reach my feet,
And of the beautiful ryhmes
always running through my head.
I'll reveal how I'm secretly drawn to the cold,
And how summer is my favorite season.
I'll tell them how the woods call my name
as I walk by,
I need their mystery.
And with my final bit of life,
I'll say how above all,
I'm happiest when I'm dancing.

Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
with the optimism of Candide, we charge on
because we know "things are exactly how they should be,"
But we're ignoring the fact that we cannot see!
We cannot be free!
No wonder Yossarian went so **** crazy,
trapped with no way out...
Like the old woman protecting her individuality in her burning house.
In this day and age,
Individuality burns out faster than paper in flames.
As fragile as Hamlet's mental state,
****, it's gone.
We're left as scared and self-conscious as J. Alfred Prufrock.
Questioning ourselves,
We don't dare disturb the universe.
Forced back by scrutinizing hands
through the shrunken entrances of our comfort zones,
Left torn and scarred
because they don't accept who we are.
I walk the halls with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
Watch identity evaporate without concern.
Ignorant voices, the poison dripping into my ears.
I walk the halls a ghost.
They think I'm weird,
Maybe a few screws loose,
but I'll tell you what...
"Crazy" Orr is the one who escaped Catch-22.
Though I fear there is not an Odysseus within all of us,
I fear we are not prepared.
For when Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
temptation is seldom overcome.

6/13/14

The morning is slow
I don't want to speak
Just let me be
Alone

Let myself fall into seclusion
Thoughts in my head drift
Mind left empty with
Confusion

Left in fear of my subconscious
Erase the dreams
Why does everything seem
Noxious?

I believe
sometimes...
when the sun rises
it carries along with it
the darkness
from the night
it once was
and swallows
the bright horizon whole
with it's looming
black clouds
equal of mystery
and of torment
and I believe
that a gray moon
in the morning sky
turns the tides
chaos
disarray
silent slumbers
suddenly unfold
into nightmares
that don't end
when awoken
and I believe
day
will never be
the same for me again
the rising sun
used to be
Hope
for new life
until
every morning
began to carry with it
the hollowness
of a lonely
night sky