I am sitting on the counter of the bar where I work
The moon hangs waning buoyant in the sky
It is starless-
It is midnight blue-
not yet engulfed by nights depth
There are bodies strewn about
I have exchanged
“What can I get for ya”
With a hundred
“A margarita, please”
None of them know my name
Or whether or not I’m sure if I want to be here
None of them asked
And I wasn’t going to tell them that
I never expected to be here
They just want their drink
Single tall, no story added
And I am not saddened by it
I am not really anything at all
But another body
Occupying this space
Wondering
If they will forget me as quickly I have them
Their faces
A mirage now,
An early morning dream fading quickly
Tomorrow
We will all just be bodies
Occupying other spaces
Probably not exchanging names
Moving like an empty wind
Through hundreds of other bodies

I took a picture of myself in the mirror today
An Ode to the algorithm Gods and immediate gratification
I just want people to read my poetry
And I will get more views
If I succumbed to my body as the poster child
Holding up flashy signs pointing to
my words
“Please read!”
There’s more to me than what you see here,
I promise.
But it is not the algorithm God’s fault - not at all theirs - that a picture of a girl undressed in her bathroom mirror
elicits more &  immediate emotion
And that black words on a white page get glossed over (I get it, I really do. Sometimes I don’t have the patience or the capacity either)
I want so badly to make you feeling something.
My sister will, of that I am entirely sure.
She will soak in every word and get to know me even deeper.
There are a few others who will do the same, and I appreciate you deeply.
Because this was never about my reflection.
I just want the words I’ve laced together that I love so much
To be read & loved too.
I want to tell you that yesterday
the butcher asked me if I wanted the beef heart cut into slices
And I said no
because holding it whole in my hand allows me a moment
To drift away and dream of when it’s the heart of a steer I’ve loved and butchered myself
I want to tell you that
My dog always takes the chicken foot off his food bowl first
and runs away to another room to ingest it
as if it holds wisdom he must keep to himself
I want to tell you that I prioritized writing this morning over breakfast
Because I had to get this all out before I could even consider
Taking anything in  
I want to tell you that
I wonder all the time why I get to be in a body
That wakes up to so much love every day
I want to tell you
I moved into a new house
and there are altars everywhere
and I started bleeding as soon as I was settled here
Because my body knows everything
My body is the actualization of my ancestors ceremonies
I want to tell you that
My body is moving me through each day
and I am finding poetry
In places another version of me could have never imagined to be beautiful

I am digging for the devotion
scratching myself raw
to find the pulse beneath my skin
I want to feel the rhythm
of the moon and tides
building my blood
and letting it shed
I want to be in it-
the cosmic, sacred space
where my prayers and rituals
feed so **** deep

You are never late to the ritual
The ritual is the tenderness in which you greet yourself upon waking
It is the moment you catch a glimpse of the day moon
and remember
You were not constructed to be the same every day
The sun is now a remnant of Summer’s heat
that filled your belly
made you golden
And Autumn’s cool now flirts with the night
The scent of her temptations lingers in the evening mist
You can taste her after rain
Persephone is calling you to join her
Narcissus flowers in your dreams
Teaching you to court the darkness
as formidable as it seems-
In it there is a medicine so sacred
One that begs for your descent
Take her hand
Stained red and sweet
from the pomegranate’s seeds
Go,
Go meet the winter as a lover
Lie with her late into the night
Listen to her teaching
that you are never late to the ritual
“the ritual is in your body”

your desire will
fly
sing
turn dark and ice
to
sun and fire
every moon will shine
fall
melt
believe winter can bring
warm light
with time

The butterflies
In my stomach have cocooned again
It’s not safe for them to be so gentle
Their wings no longer flutter
To the sound of your laughter
Each strand cautiously spun for every day
You offered me silence
They gestated to your absence
And now
I can feel them ripping, choking through
Their silken coffins
Emerging as little parasites
With viscous voices
Making me nauseous
So I have fed them
Raging fire
A single flame for every time
I’ve been abandoned
I have loved them
Into new formation
Refused to let them
Be a poison
Chosen devotion
As their medicine
I have fallen to my knees
At the altar
Of my own sacredness
Fallen asleep to the cadence
Of cicadas
And my heart
Still beating
I’m still breathing
In deep
One prayer after the other
Trying to mother
All the wounds
And conceive
Something sacred
From something broken.

Who are you?

I trace my finger over your lips
Slowly…slowly
I want to take it slowly.
I want to learn the language you speak when you’re in deep.
You breathe out,
And I breathe you in,
Inhale you
And exhale poetry.
The warmth of your hand on my skin
Intoxicates me.
I want to hold you closer
Even when there is no space between us,
Even when you hit all the way to my center.
We swim in the depths of holy waters-
Where all the layers are exposed,
Where we are speaking new languages,
Where we search for the undiscovered.
I want to bow to the poetry of you.
Worship you in your kingdom.
I want to make love to you in a way that is biblical-
Prophetic-
That reaches beyond what is good
And touches the holy-
The sacred,
the poetic.
I want to feel the hymn of your heartbeat
As your breath gets heavy and deep
When you’re giving your all to me.
I want to dance with you in devotion
At the altar of Aphrodite.
How deep can we go?
Taste the sweetness of my nectar,
I’ll drink your elixir
And we’ll turn our demons to Gods.
Push the boundaries of possible-
How deep does it make you feel?
Does it give life to your pulse?
Can you feel it in the dwelling place of your soul?
Let’s go there,
Let’s melt there-
Combine all the pieces
Become whole.
But first
I want to take you apart
and examine how you’ve constructed yourself.
I want to baptize you in my rivers,
Dance naked through your forests,
Let you listen to the lyrics of my creation.
“Again,”
Play me on repeat.
Sing to me,
Tell me how my eyes look like the universe,
And I will place my hand upon your cheek
And remind you that you are beautiful.

Who are you?

Come,
Let me show you again,
And again,
My poetry.