I have always imagined your touch as sunlight
As the heat trapped beneath my blanket when I first wake up
As the rug warming my bare feet in the morning
But that was before I realized I was loving a ghost
Before I saw my breath in front of my face
And realized we had just shared our first kiss
Before I wrapped my arms around myself after walking outside
Feeling the air cut through my skin like a thousand knives
Now I see you in the bottom of every glass
When I am left feeling even emptier than before I took a drink
Now I see you at the bottom of every staircase
As a reminder that even if I would jump
You wouldn't be there to break my fall
Because no matter how far a ghost's arms may reach
They'd never be solid enough to catch me.

I have imagined this moment over and over again and now it's finally happening and I can't quite tell which direction is up or down or backwards but I guess they're all directions so it really doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere. I've been watching my shoelaces as I've been walking and they seem to tighten with every step as though even they know you'll have me floating right out of them. My palms have already begun to sweat and the puddles they've created in my pockets are just deep enough to drown in. I look up for a second to see the air in front of me holding a string. A grin spreads across its face as it suddenly begins to pull and my breath is stolen from my lungs. I reach out to grab it but it has already disappeared and suddenly I realize I can't breathe without you here. I close my eyes and stumble, not wanting to go any further, not wanting to face the reality of a situation that doesn't involve sleeping beside you. But then I realize, that was something we never did. I have been falling asleep beside myself for years, I have been waking up with regret and a heart broken into more pieces then the number of tiles on the bathroom floor. I have been sleeping with my head on my own chest and praying that someday you'd fill the empty space between not being able to fall asleep and never wanting to be awake.

It’s days like this, when you’re walking alone
When you are stopped in your tracks by something so beautifully grown
I wasn’t expecting to have my breath taken from me that day
But it happened

From her leaves to her roots there was nothing but beauty
How could she not be marked as a national sight to see?
Maybe to the world she was one lost in the crowd of millions
But to me she’d always stand out

My walk through the park would never be the same
The path I took was forever changed
My daily walk was now longer and more challenging
But she was worth it

Slowly I built up the courage to make my mark
I walked up to her, pulled out a knife, and carved away at the bark
I wasn’t sure if the mark would someday fade
But I had to try

I am not much of an artist, but my work would be true
And slowly but surely I carved out the word “you”
Such a simple three-letter word
But it’s apart of a bigger piece

Struggling to keep the knife steady in my hand
I moved on to carve the symbol for and
Nothing more than a conjunction
But it’s what connects us

Tired but determined, I carved the letters “M” and “E”
Finishing a phrase I think is meant to be
A message so seemingly well understood
But each letter holds a meaning

Encompassing the words in an ***** meant to always beat
I step back for a better view, still roots to feet
It’s a little jagged and uneven
But it makes me smile

She is special in every single way
All I could do is hope my symbol would stay
I wasn’t expecting my breath to be taken from me that day
But it happened