Stale thoughts have dampened my mind for many years.
Colorful dreams are waiting to allay my gruesome fears.
Hope is buried under the rubble of self inflicted pain.
When I look heavenward I'm not sure if it's my tears or rain.

Numbly walking in a desert of oppressive shame.
Trying to find a world where my smile can shine.
A place where I can remove this weight of blame.
Some say this journey is a part of a grand design.

The wind kicks the sand up to scratch my bleary eyes.
Always looking forward for a sign of salvation or demise.
I won't stop moving until my last breath kisses the air.
Until then I will continue this pilgrimage of quiet despair.

Now I can escape the Earth and find the light.
Maybe catch up with old souls waiting at the gate.
We'll fly through the aether in bodiless delight.
What a joy to know that this is the ultimate fate.

The world wins.
I now concede.
Go ahead and cure my terminal disease.

Prescribe some pills.
My eyes fixed ahead.
The independent me is now completely dead.

I'll fit right in.
My smile really hurts
Grab your black shovel and cover me with dirt.

The grey cubicle walls
Are my favorite place.
I don a dull mask that covers my face.

I bow at science’s altar
I'm a cog within the wheel
Numbness permeates until I can’t feel

Her long sleeves hide a purple bruise.
Her shy face hides unbearable blues.
She may be a neighbor or just a random girl.
But your voice could very well save her world.
Her brown eyes scream a tale yet untold.
All she wants is a good daddy to hold.
Instead the ***** has angered the man.
She quakes in bed waiting for his rough hand.
Would you allow this to happen to your daughter or son?
Where every second is terror and life's no fun.
The signs are there and you hear her yelps.
Yet you avert your eyes and don't call for help.
Time's running out before he crosses the line.
It's time to take action and grow a spine.

The road I travel has called me again.
Yet, that's not true, as the voice was never quiet.
It was only hidden away like a pair of shameful eyes.
Closed to the admonishments of a sadistic lover.

Yet always there bubbling, percolating, cajoling in a soothing voice.
Beckoning me with memories of freedom and the comforting drone of the road.
Reminders of rest areas swarmed with hopeful travelers with red eyes and creaking joints.
The vending machine stand stoically in a row like good soldiers standing at attention.

Windows open, air buffeting, my face is that of a child catching the new rays of spring.
Music blaring, singing along, my soul rising like a barometer as high pressure moves in.
Right lane driving, eyes gleaming, each passing car tells a story of hope and and unveiled inspiration.
Small towns passing, unrealized lives, I ache to know you. Yet our paths must remain distantly apart.

Night falls and the excitement only builds.  The bulbs of light above are my guide.  No map has their magnetic draw.
The scene changes as the road becomes deserted. My fellow journeyers are swimming or ordering room service.
My metal friend shall be my bed.  This jug of water my frigid shower in the morning.  Late night talk radio my lullaby song.
My thoughts are pure and calm as I curl up in the backseat.  No fear or remorse that I've spurned all lovers. My needs are few and my heart is full.

There isn't a word for the numbness that has infiltrated my soul.
I could write for a million years and still never convey my thoughts.  
When I first started writing redemption and purification was my goal.
Instead I've realized that the softening I feel is my spirit as it slowly rots.

I have little left to offer that seems original or genuinely mine.
The light bulb rattles and remains ingloriously dark as I cry out for inspiration.
My mind churns with regurgitated thoughts as my creativity has gone blind.
There's physical pain running through my circuits as I deal with my consternation.

Self loathing and sadistic degradation have replaced the path of light.
The voices must be real and telling the truth as I would never lead myself astray.
Now is the time to forget about writing and drift off into the wilderness of night.
I'll close my eyes like a child of four and whisper for salvation as I hopelessly pray.

A grey room with soft walls is waiting down the road.
Purple pills and quiet voices will ease my  heavy load.
They'll place electrodes on my head to shock away the pain.
Then I'll sit drooling as I stare at the morning rain.

Maybe a friend will visit and stare with wide unblinking eyes.
They'll speak cautiously and try to fill me with empty lies.
Even with my drug addled mind will see  through their mask.
There are questions visible on their tongue they refuse to ask.

The stern nurses in their funny hats take us out in the sun.
The sudden warmth and bright light jolt us like a firing gun.
We must stay in line and only speak when we're spoken to.
When one is barely conscious that's an easy thing to do.

I'm back in my locked room starting to fade off to sleep.
I wonder if God can hear my prayers under layers so deep
Please come and save your creation from this destiny.
Sprinkle your magical dust and set this tormented soul free.

There's sadness in that brown paper bag  blowing in the breeze.
Scratching along the pavement as the snow falls overhead.
I want to hold and caress him until the pain leaves his mind.
Maybe stare down deep in his soul until we from an endless bond.

With a certain jealous admiration I take him to my quiet shelter.
Now rescued from the bitter wind he sits in desperate silence.
No need to thank me my friend for saving your hollow life.
Have a cup of tea and enjoy the comforts of the sedentary creature.

How can he just sit there with a blank look on his dull face?
The heat of the room seems to have frozen him solid.
The life, meager as it was, has drained away leaving a shell.
All he does is longingly stare at the dancing trees outside.

I open the door and place him on the cold cement path.
Instantly he comes alive and resumes his tenuous travels.
Bumping and rolling along he continues his joyful journey.
Shaking my head I close the door and turn on my TV.