Every day
I’m Under Pressure
Like there’s a Bowie knife at my neck
Held by the Queen as she strokes her pet Cheshire
I feel so lost
I’m stranded on an island
Trying to guess the weather
Like the Professor
But whatever
I’ll keep digging for my treasure
The oppressor
Tries to securely hold me down
On a stretcher
God bless her
But the measure of a man is not judged on whether he falls down
It’s if he gives up and stays there forever
I take great pleasure
In being the aggressor
And annoyingly laughing in her face
Like Fran Drescher
Every day
I try to find a better feather
To flock with
But this ******* cold weather
Keeps me grounded
Like I’m tethered
One day
On the wings of a zephyr
I’ll take a flight
That takes me home
To visit with John Denver

They came at me from all angles
Mortals and angels
But I’m still standing despite all the dangers
Heisenberg tried with his ricin beans
Stood toe to toe with Tyson when he was lean and mean
Knocked out Grandpa Joe when he began to sing
But now it’s time for the final battle
Gonna make the heavens rattle
I’ll **** you like cattle
Until you finally respond on God TV channel
There’s a reason you stay shrouded behind a cloud
You ain’t so proud and loud now
Your creation has crowded out anything from the natural world
So put em up, Boomer
I ain’t afraid of you
You’re just a preacher teaching doom and gloom
Behind a curtain
But I’m pretty certain
That you’d **** yourself if Toto entered the room
Oh so no response from you
Just looking on from the great beyond
All nonchalant
While the great buffoon from Amazon
Booked a flight to space with no remorse
Of course you can’t solve all of our problems
I’ll pay you some homage  
You gave us awesome knowledge
But we’re more interested in the dollar  
So as long as our wallets remain bottomless
We thoughtlessly toss toxins at the jobless
But we do solemnly swear
That we’ll do the planet a solid
Before Rome’s columns have fallen
But it’s a promise that smells like rotten *******

My radar didn’t detect
A shred of evidence
That our relationship was wrecked
Like a ship swept away by am immense sea behemoth
I tried to tread water
Like a feckless idiot
Left adrift breathlessly helpless off the coast of Texas  
Most of our relationship
Was a desperate attempt
To stave off relentless loneliness
Like Elvis felt after spending hellish hours on stage gyrating his pelvis
Now your pillow is scentless
You said our love was endless  
A Celtic necklace placed on the velvet  
It’s time to draw my lance and end this with senseless violence

All day
Wrestling with my emotions
Can’t get off the mat
Deafening questions bounce of the walls
Menacing intentions as I step down the hall
My obsession with depression
Has slowed my progression  
I scheduled a therapy session
But I canceled at seven  
With acute indigestion
Don’t confuse my excuse for being aloof
Like a spider I’m a recluse
Fighting the urge to drink all the *****
The burden of proof falls squarely on you

The day that I lost you
I lost a piece of me
Like when we lost Layne
It started to rain
Now I sit at your grave and weep
Experiencing phantom pain
Random ocean waves of emotion
Flood over me
Bro we were blood
Forever destined to be
But now here’s your final resting place
Where’s my saving grace?
In my mind
I can barely remember your face
I can’t believe you won the race
To the ******* pearly gates
It was supposed to be me
Who took the early journey
To feel hell’s eternal fury
But I’m still here
A complete ******* disgrace
I’ll always shoulder this heavy weight
Pushing that boulder day to day
That’s my Sisyphean fate.

Cheek pressed against the floor
Squinting into the darkness
Thinking I just saw glinting eyes
Really no surprise to me
That demon’s been hiding
Ever since my drinking days
Biding his time until I showed
Just a little bit of weakness
Now’s not the time to freak out
Old memories start to leak out
My sobriety is in jeopardy
A drink would be like a bullet to the head
Just like Kennedy
I thought those 12 steps mended me
At least that’s what was portended to be
No offense intended
But I’m still ******* tormented

When I die
Take a moment to smile
Laugh
Or even cry
Brighten my day with obligatory stories
About our glory days
When we’d crush our opponent on the field
Then after the game
Speed away
The only things we needed were a full tank
Great tunes
And a sixer between our legs
Some of you may remember how I used to brag
That I was so clever
Taking any numbers the presenter fed into my membrane center
Processing them like a human calculator  
Boggling and dazzling any onlookers present
Maybe you wonder if I hold any resentment
Since I didn’t take the path of least resistance
I tried to coexist within a twisted system
Make my way without viciously winning
But I just became another statistic
Beaten down by the sadistic traditions of Satan’s assistants 
Now at least I’m at peace resting in pieces
Deceased but no longer diseased
Relieved and pleased that I had my chance to breathe
Before I leave
And Take the final eternal leap
Please keep in mind
Death is always creeping behind
The Reaper with a signed lease
Yearning to drag you to infernal sleep