So I have this friend
She's pretty cool
She makes lemon bars
and plays cribbage too

We play the ukulele
and dance to Datas song
who said that teenagers
can't get along?

"I didn't mean that..." he said retrieving his coat
that was resting on my shoulders
Protecting me from the wind and sleet coming down

I can deal with a lot in a relationship
the dates spent with you crying on my shoulder
me, constantly wiping away your tears
The ninja star you through at my picture
reassuring you I said "It wasn't my favorite picture anyway"

but when you sent me a bar of chocolate and the poem
Every day for two months, without much a word
or a minute in your company
a replacement for your heart
a gift that you retrieved
what are your words,
without your actions holding them up

You later told me "I didn't give anything in the past half year to you out of love"
what did you give it out of?
Pride?
revenge?
Pity?

You know better then anyone
I don't need that 5 dollar chocolate, that just goes down like a weight
or the poems, long words that meant nothing, a long way of saying
here is a page with words on it for you.
because you can't tell me in person
"You mean nothing to me but a five dollar chocolate and long words on a page"

Wearings dads old plaid shirt
Tab after tab of Craiglist adds
pet friendly home
rent 650

I'll be leaving soon

I made myself a darkroom
and hid myself in it
Working with the chemicals
that harmed me
developing what I pictured
as beauty

coming out of of my darkroom
holding the image with my excited hands
set it down
then
I waited
and waited
till someone would pass by
see what I saw as beautiful
then
only to hear
"what the hell is that?'

Snow lotuses from above
falling softly into my hands
a little gift from heaven
a little reminder
that he loves me

They tell me, "Your fulfillment is to be your husbands help mate"
That my goal in life is to simply help?

I'm sorry
I'll still get married, and have children,
but I will do more then just help.
Me as the over used stapler,
the poorly kept kitchen tool
is not gonna cut it for me

Instead I will be the words of Solomon
the grace of Mary
the faith of Ruth
the kiss of the beloved
I...will be...his muse
his lover

I will not be a the helper
to come when called on
and put away, to be sent back to the kitchen.

In the worlds eyes I am
a *****, wasted
sickly, girl
ruined by the world
people

but in your eyes
I am a high priestess
pure, as ****** snow
clean with no flaw

I will always be wasted, ruined
in the worlds eyes
but in yours I'm whole

Mower, with NASA shirt
I wonder what you are thinking
As you hold that handel
As the engine roars
As the grass goes flying
As you enter orbit.

Leaving your place
embrace among smokers
desperately taking their last inhales

Complimentary Lipton tea
I forgot such things exist
covering up the mistake
of hour long stops

turn, turn, bump, lean
This tea can't save my stomach
Yet
I am happy
I was able to exist with you

Stack of mugs
from coffees we didn't really need
talking for hours seems to do that to you

Childhood memories
experimentation
old relationships
all on our mind

Talking to you is like going back in time
to things I miss
not because they were great
but the innocence that came along with them

Doing things just for the sake of doing them
no worries
no influences
just because

I miss that
but with you
at least I can have the memories

I used to be blue
reflecting off the lover
my water
now it’s so dusty
I can’t even see her.

We used to share rain
like kisses
pure, clean
Now I might as well be throwing
dirt in her face.

I used to be respected
as a sculpture
no one dared to cut into my sides
Now the cutting happens on a daily basis.

They pave their roads into me
cars constantly bruising my skin
What happened to coming to me to heal?
Now you bring your greed and problems here.

I used to be wanted
shinning,
the earth gladly greeted me with green.
People soaking up my rays
now they hid in their houses.

Taking supplements to replace me
then they wonder why they don’t shine
themselves.

You, Are the kid whose first word was fascinating
You are the kid that is the level
of a masters in English
You are the kid that can make music
from a wall, Hitting and pounding,
sounds just as good as a drummer so why not?

We try to touch your heart
because we know there is more
Then the video games
the electronic, noisy music
We can see it in your art

The tapping
hitting
against everything you can get your hands on
we can tell you are anxious  
why don't you come out with it?

The paintings
Hundreds of them
Of faces, all beautiful in their own way
We know you are lonely

You are the kid that picked up a paint brush for the first time
copied the contents of my painting
and made it look like a Mona Lisa

You are the kid that made more money
then his older siblings
When he was five, a little business man

You are also the kid that can listen to a fight
and ask whats for lunch right after

The one place I feel at peace is at a little coffee shop.
I can sit and think through clearly.
Sure, at home I sometimes find moments of peace,
when its sunny out side and I can take walks in my garden.
Yet it doesn't match the peace I have writing, with tea at hand,
by myself in that little coffee shop.

Take your hurt, get your coat and your boots
and lets go out in the rain.

The sky is dark, I’m wet all through
yet why is the rain so beautiful.

We wear our trauma on our hands
and lift them up to the sky
saying “wash it away, oh please wash it away”.

Such fear I had
I was in darkness
scared to be alone
scared to be held
scared to be loved

you took my fear and replaced it with love
replaced it with strength
replaced it with repentance

If he is so great
yet cares for me

Then why worry?

These are the moments
when the touch of soft rain on your face
Smell of new cherry blossoms over head
a glimpse of a small creature stirring
are all you need to keep going

Take me by the hand
though its just step by step
up this stair case
the steps
are too high
for my weak tired body

but with your strength lord
I think
no I believe I can make it
to the next step tomorrow
and God willing
the next and the next

He made a warrior out of me
when I was weak
put a strength in me
that passes the strongest of men

He made a lover of me
when it was hard to love
praising him
even in the darkest hours
I will have my hands raised

He can change the sinner
the depressed
the selfish
the prideful
the liar
the greedy
anything

I know this
because he has changed me

There's no love in a
empty inbox
empty mailbox
empty grasp
There's no love in a
empty smile
empty voice
empty gaze

It's just slow
please calm down
Things will get better
in a matter of time

The more you worry
The more damage it will be
to our hearts in a hurry
Lets just take a break

Things will get better
Just wait and see
we'll be talking like ourselves
its just slow
right now

How can anyone doubt you?
Just talking to him
Makes me wonder
How anyone can not
Believe in a creator

The way he talks
and I instantly feel comfortable
No evolution could make
A mind  and soul so deep

Cold, dark weather
the clouds look like someone
throw ashes into the air
now they stay there
When I walk it goes deep into my lungs
mixed with the cold
its hard to breathe

A cat behind me
a little calico kitten
meowing asking me to stay
but i can't
and neither could her owner
they had to go to work, school, or whatever
they need to do

Old torn boots
some how they are still cool so I wear them in the rain
then only to find an ocean inside
my feet an awkward human
knowing they don't belong in the rain

I'm sick
sick of it all
I remember walking down
that same hall
People smiled at me
now they glare
Its nothing I did
nothing they did
its all thoughts
emotions
Based on nothing
that is important

Same people
used to be my friends
Now they just glance
and look away

Why do you keep getting used by the wrong people!
put on the safety switch
lock down
and miss the shots

When you are in the right hands
you protect
when you are used wrongly
you ****

I am a single  blossom
Hoped to be picked
I am a one little star
in a big night sky

I am a book to be discovered
among a thousand books
A rock on the beach,
Blends in with the rest
but if lucky is picked up
and treasured

You are really never alone
in fact
we meet the maker
of all life
when we are alone

Ever wonder why
you are scared to be alone?
scared of the silence
scared of absence
of things that distract us?

It is because
we meet God in the silence
we hear him
we feel him
when we are alone

Nothing
can be more frightening
yet beautiful
then hearing the maker
of the whole universe

I don't want to sink back
I thought it was all over
right?

same feelings
I had two years ago
scared to be touched
scared of life
so I hide

I don't want to go back
to that life
I want to fight against
that life

I don't want to let myself sink
when I only had
just reached the surface

Only you
can make it possible
to forgive and love
someone that has hurt so deep
that it would have destroyed me

but you were there
like a shield
guarding my weak heart
from the darts shot by the enemy
helping me hold out my weak hand
to love them in return

I want to live,
In a place that reminds me,
Everyday,
The bad in life will turn good,
Like how the rain storm clears, and the sun shines through.

All of us want to get somewhere,
we all want a life that is the best we can make it,
but we just keep going and going,
do we even know where we are going?
doing the same as any other day
trying to find a reason for doing it,
maybe we just do it for the sake of doing it.

The stars shine at night
and die down in the day.
They are still up there
even when you can't see them,

just as some beautiful things
are not always seen,
but come out in dark times

Sending a friend a text
"Is there anything you want prayer for?"
I know I might have just lost you.
But as we both know you were lost from the start.
All I want is for you to be found.
By Christ.
Or rather for Christ to be found by you.

Doing
Anything
Scares me.
Each line
Like tiny needles
Implanted
under my skin
Ready
To explode later
When I go back
To read this.

Searching faces
like searching songs
trying to find one that grabs you
before going on.