in 5 days i’ll be 12 months older than the age i thought i would end everything at

my tedious timeline

i’ve lived 3 lives and never got a childhood

home is watercolor sunsets and heatstroke

street lights on the river we all dreamed of jumping in and drifting through

the saltwater dark nights spent talking about what it would be like to get away

i crave burning orange peels and christmas’s that sweat like summer

now my nose burns from melted ice during smoke breaks

the people here are painted with gratitude toward the nothing they’ve experienced

-home doesn’t have a name

together we touched forever

it was soft and melted between our lips

the bittersweet bite of promises made out of spite

two souls that tried too soon

i stared at the future and sky eyes met mine

i still wake for you
in the first few moments of that groggy eyed bliss - you’re still mine

as my bedding starts to look familiar
the memories that i force myself to forget hit my chest
throwing my frail body into every empty space
before all i’m full of is you
again

our cycle is a spark
this fast burn symphony always leaves me empty
craving
i’ve tried to fill the hole with every fuel i can think of
your eyes are the only thing that make me ignite
sickly and surviving in a constant state of smolder
honey, we can’t keep living like we’re fireproof

12:33 am
sitting on the front of a subaru
it’s rotting from the outside in
im screaming in the same direction
it’s all centered
everything i feel is inside me and i won’t let it out
it’s my best friends birthday
i told her i loved her and i meant it

will i accept my surface level flaws
my blatant laziness and worrisome nature
the too tired slack in my skin
a body that curves and hugs my bones imperfectly
will i let my self perceived doubt control my thoughts
maybe i will today
but tomorrow i am beautiful
i am soft
i am sorrow
i am new