when the sun rises
i try to blink it off me

your new love,
my new love
and all the old ones too

if i want to live the right way
i can't lie the light away

a color i've never seen before
talks to me about my
problems with men

two steps ahead of me
so i let him lead
let him tell me everything i know

let him face me with a truth
stark as a steeple
leftover from days when believers
flocked in droves to high places

and i thought
maybe we can only be worth
what we're willing to give away

maybe our deaths and our debts
lie latent
until the final tally

maybe i'll always have
problems with men
and no matter what i do
they'll never have anything
to do with Jesus

a color i've never seen before
talks to me about how
i'm the problem
and i laugh
and i try
again

a surprise packed
into a pack of royals
held knightly between two long fingers,

funny how we both picked up the habit
when the bottom dropped out.

but he's always been balanced
even, even
used to find rhythms
tapped nightly into the back of my held hand

i still feel the pulse
like it could still be springtime
like he might still smile at the thought
of me and God in the same room

like the way he hears things
in his head
i wonder if my voice
was one of them

heaven reflected
face to face

molten with light
and the heat of all living things
evening gulls
gathering, scattering, chatter-sing
lifted marionette wings

caught in the sway
resting in the rock

fly, fly away, fly away

follow your will
just like an arrow
straight and fast away

follow a lie
like a silk ribbon
floating down

follow your soul
through the valley, the mire
cross your heart and carry your weight
be a train and run early

the fading bruise
on my third knuckle
happens to be
the same hue
as your lips.

it looks
almost as if
you pressed your mouth
against it
once again.

god, i wish
that were the case.