I'm apprehensive
cause when
people mention
their own fears
it causes me tension.

But, I'm so glad
I brought my
small black
notepad,
so I can write notes
to pass the time,

cause I got 8 hours
of contemplating
devastating
and frustrating
lessons in waiting,
learning patience,
while debating
if now is the time
for innovating,
or for immolating
all of my
addicting devices,
and going back to
a more naturalistic
worldview.

This is what
I work out,
and it works to
ease me through
boring afternoons.

This will not stop
till we block cops
who get bought off
by the corporate crooks
who cook their books
spicing them up with
human suffering
and the law system
that keeps buffering
cruel politicians,
preventing the poor
from rising
while the filthy rich
gets more by demoralizing
and demonizing
the poverty stricken
along with all those
who are different.

So, wicked men keep working
wedge issues into
every TV appearance
to give the appearance
of righteousness
while stifling
true social movements
that try to move men
towards the world were
we can all strive for betterment,

but for now, we barely even get
cheap out of court settlements.

I’ve been trying to measure it,
find the source,
feel its substantial force,
and faithfully transcribe it.

Like it’s a universal code
that some genius should know,
crack that riddle to the divine
to find out how much
writing and time
it would take to make
people relate to one another.

It’s abstract and lacks
any substance,
so facts cannot precisely
quantify or package it nicely.
Still, I keep on trying.

It can be heavy
but has no weight,
cold with no temp
to register.

If you ask a stranger
she might not be
able to explain
it adequately
or even want to,
but I want you to
want to understand
like I am trying to.

So, I continue using
metaphorical musings,
and manically reading
studying, seeing,
and thinking
whilst hoping
that the ingredients
of empathy
are like seeds
that I can start planting
and then begin reaping
what this world has been needing,
since before I was ever born.

I'm a wannabe poet who's fit,
muscular and brilliant,
but drowning in ****
cuz I wasn't born to be aquatic,
caught this caustic illusion,
that perpetuated the delusion
that we live in a system
that is actually democratic,
and that I might matter just a little bit,

but I can no longer hold my breath,
sinking sullenly in a swollen sea
of one mind numbing atrocity
after another.

It's easier to deal with an enemy
when he's dead,
because you can change what he said,
reworking it retroactively
to make it so you both agree
like Richard Daley did with Martin Luther King
Jr.

But if you don’t want to wait for death then
you can co-op or cop people's thoughts
so you can sell them some slick ****,
that prepackaged can of emotional spam
that lets self-serving men rewrite history
to suit their capitalistic autocratic
caste system that casts victims
of the almost mindless majority.

In understanding
that fate does not
arrange it,
and that I cannot
rearrange it.

I am finding myself
to be a redundancy
that no one needs
and the point me
existing is a ponderous
bit of reflecting
that has not revealed
the reasons why
I act or feel.

So, I'm settling in
watching human suffering
but no longer struggling
to change it.

I used to shine
but now I know,
I’ll never get back
that perfect glow.

Little man
that I’ve known
since before
he was an inch grown,
now his frame
is withering
and I can’t stand
to see him hurting.

I used to see
and really believe
in the power
of human dreams,
hope reigned
here supreme
but now
nightmares
fear my screams.

Bone thin
scabbed up skin,
and I am not certain
if this is just from
anxiety and self-starving
or if he is **** medicating.

Life is a patch
of black ice,
is the eternal
night,
is the wrong
that won’t
turn right,
is the pain
grown from
delight.

I want to reach out
and give him a hug
but there is a part of me
that is scared to touch,
there is fear but
is there some disgust
hiding under
the loving stuff?

The day will fade
from blue to gray
and then see
light betray
kind warmth
to the cold eve.

I used to be
a better me
but now I think
I live selfishly,
turn my head
and walk away,
instead of dealing
with this person’s pain.

I used to shine
but now I know,
I’ll never get back
that perfect glow.