My hands are trembling
as my finger brushes hair behind your ear
you've been sleeping an hour now
and i have no plans of when i will dream
because I'm already in a that certain mindstate
the fact that you are here- head on my chest
and that every single time i breathe,
you breathe in and breathe out for me
and
      you know
you make me happy
but did you know you make me more real?
and
       you know
you make me certain
now I'm not sure if I'm here or asleep.

this winter doesn't seem like its going to be
cold or anything at all
it seems like this is all one giant dream
and you will simply pass like a ship before the setting sun
and maybe you will, maybe the it will go back into the ocean
but this fire of lust or love or whatever this is
its something, and its still inside me since the day
if found you, or you found me

the past and you there playing the piano
Amelie - with such small hands skipping keys
my heart not open for some time, turning to wall
you here laying down on me in secrets gardens.
My go to, my Angel Eyes, my Lover thing.

Let me kiss you.
With all the anger and hurt you ever left me with.
Let me hold you down
and press my lips against yours
with the kind of force
that only comes from big emotions.
I would not have devoted so much time,
except,
I’m a sickening, spineless, sorrowful creature.
And how could I say no to
you?
Oh you.
With the smile and eyes of a
thousand
wise words,
wise cracks,
you wise guy
will you come back
into my arms again?
And stop leaving them
so easily, friend.
I want every possibility to be
you.
But a love this big cannot be hidden from.
So i’m asking you,
to let me kiss you,
with all of it.
Every ounce of emotion I put in to this thing,
let me leave it on your lips.
Maybe you will better know
how to deal with it.

A steamy trail of particulate vapor issues from her lips
tracing the outline of her silhouette and rising
up,
up,
it diffuses into nothingness

Don’t listen to what your parents or teachers tell you, kids-

smoke is very ****.

she exhales again

slithers languidly through the still air
stretching for something-
rolls across my coffee table
like dunes in fast-forward
drips off the edges-

-gone.

She puffs a thick ring at me
it crosses through the void space toward me;
I reach out to touch it- to grasp it
and it dissipates;
she grins-

such teasing.

Smoke is-
and
is not-
it traces the airflow-
the negative space
like a jungle cat pretending to be
the light between the leaves

she knows this
and she can see that I know she does

Smoke
is why I am so captivated
So fascinated
so mesmerized
so transfixed
by her
and in general-

by women.

i still feel self hated’s foliage
wedge its way into the garden i am currently trying
to cultivate for myself.
and on most days,
it’s still hard for me to look in the mirror.
but despite how much i still think of dying
it is no longer myself I want to ****. it is the parts
that were trying to **** me.
i can barely remember your lips and
i completely forget how your voice sounds.
and that’s the tragedy i suppose,
once you forget the sound of somebody’s voice
you know that’s really when detachment
is finally setting in and making a home
underneath each and every one of your scars.
i still think it’s sad,
the way it all ended. how you can keep on
loving someone even though they’re long gone
from your each and every day.
i still want to call you, ask how you are.
but i don’t because i’m not that person anymore.
you don’t matter as much to me as you once did.
and i think that’s beautiful because it’s honest.
remember how much we hurt each other?
good. i hope you never forget.
remember how much we loved each other?
good. i hope you always remember.
some things will always be worth remembering.

In winter this **** storm of a town falls to nothing but a low hum

                 and it is a steady as it is wide spread
And in only a matter of weeks, we forget what it is to breathe fresh air
So we go through the motions of living in this assembly line kinda life
The motions of laughing and breathing and crying and falling and loving
And the influenza of seasonal depression is infectious so we wrap ourselves in coats and hats and scarves in hope of escaping the pathogen of loneliness that radiates through our stereos

                                                        ­                            In winter, this town falls into hibernation

the snow falls mercilessly, without anguish.

tell me
Were you awake when you first caught me, because I was still half-asleep when I found myself in your arms
Were you awake when you first kissed me, because I was in a dream when my lips first met yours
    But there was something in your electric touch that woke me
                            
                                                                ­                             And I remembered that snow *melts

Your soul is an array of colors.
Your voice makes flowers bloom happy.
You're more precious than a spring meadow.
You are full of galaxies, complexities, and contradictions which makes you a universe within yourself.
There are melodies written along your cheekbones and songs being sung through your veins.
If you open your eyes, you can see that there is a sun rising along our horizon cheering for you to be alive.
You are allowed to love, hate, and lust all in one.
You are worth everything you are being put through,
And I hope you feel euphoric, always.