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 Feb 2013 Gordi Turnbull
Ottar
If I had an addiction it would be to chocolate dark,
What a laugh, what a lark.
I cannot be out of my mind, in any state!

If I had an addiction it would be to wine red,
What a joy, tannin's tasted, straight to my head,
I cannot say my life like a bottle emptied, was a waste!

If I had an addiction it would be to the written word,
Not what I have inked, typed, read or heard,
I cannot put on paper, with what the Bible fills me, till I am sate!
Roll it around, put it to music if you can.
Having a friend is really great because you can talk to them well past eight.
What you talk about that doesn't matter; you’ll do anything to waste the hours.
You share with them your ups and downs. Friends are the ones who turn frowns upside down.
They make you smile, and they hang with you. If you didn't have a friend what would you do?
You hope to never see the day, when your best friend just goes away.

For what reason? The worst of all. You caught her with some new girl at the mall.
What a dumb reason to let them go. Yes, I know, I know, I know.
But it's not my fault, I swear it's not. I've been feeling jealousy, its been coming a lot.
It’s not easy to get rid of, I've tried everything.
I hope, I pray and yes I sing. I even did a little jig.
But I'm still filled with anger when I see them together. She is my best friend but I can barely look at her.
Well she was my best friend, she meant everything to me. Why can't  I just expand our group to three?
Jealousy, thats why, I'm not even myself. Is there anyone there who can offer some help.
She’s asking me, "What ever happened to us?" Can I admit to her that I was jealous.
Will she laugh in my face when she finds out the truth?
Should I make up a lie so I don't look like a goof?
I don't know what to do, I am so confused
As I lie here in tears on the floor of my room.
I have to tell her, she has to know, I can't say goodbye, I can't let go.
Ok, I’ll tell her it’s the best thing to do, and then after I say it I will decide what to do.
If she laughs at me then I’ll see, that she loves her new friend more than she loves me.
But if she says sorry, if she is sincere, then I will know how much she cares.
There is room for three, I will make a new friend.
We will be like the three amigos, best friends till the end.
I hope she doesn't laugh, if she does I will cry.
That would tear apart my heart, it would make me die inside.
Here I go, guess there's nothing to lose. I hope I come back with really good news.

Oh no, please no, this can’t be. This can‘t really be happening to me.
I can’t go on without her hugs and I can’t live without her love.
She was like my sister, my lover, my twin.
I can't believe I just lost my very best friend.
9 freaking years just thrown away like that.
9 freaking years I wish I could take back.
Your first break-up really doesn't hurt, when you compare it to my heart that can no longer work.
It can no longer function, I'm as good as dead
Nothing can replace the 9 years that we had.
No one can replace her, there's a hole in my heart.
Lord take me now for I am broken apart.

To hell with you jealousy, why’d you ruin my life?
Why the heck are you so hard to fight.
I couldn't have stopped you, I tried so many times.
You ruined my friendship and you ruined my life.
Because of you I dread the day I was born. I'd be much happier if I was dead and gone.
My life has no purpose, have fun with your friend.
Because of you and jealousy I hang here, dead.
 Dec 2012 Gordi Turnbull
Ottar
Newtown
I can not console you,
you the Inconsolable,
you are there and I am here,
I can not be with you, any
or all
of you.

Your grief is as big as the ocean you live
near and you are now tossed on a churning pitch of
waves of emotion, a salty wave-wash that cannot cleanse this.

If I could wrap my arms around you,
in the the hope you would absorb what
strength, I had to give, but it would not
be enough if you have lost a daughter or
a son or a friend of someone, anyone.

But I would anyway.

I need to write this to let you know, that
NONE
of you are alone,
but the emptiness that lies around
your town your school your life
will make you feel like it.

PLEASE
find others find all who are going through this
cluster together, break bread, encourage, endure.

NO MORE
I do not know who can make the pain, your agony go away,
I can not tell you for certain it will ever go away
If I could make it go away, if it was right so to do.

I would, but I am human my flesh is weak.
My spirit cries out
Comforter Arrive Swiftly!

You deserve so much for your
  LOSS
Reach out to them
everyone.
My words seem hollow, even to me,
Forgive me
If this did not help.
Let it be because I am only one,
but
America, the World,
step close to a community
that needs
much.
Newtown.
East Coast West Coast
Canadians Americans
Matter not
But you do.
Walls dark with slurry
I clamber up the sides, my life in a hurry
But down I slide, ever landing to hard to see
Never will I be free

I beat myself up every day
I cannot climb the ladder this way
They tie me down upon the ground
The shoes they wear, on me can be found

I am the doormat
The bridge for them to step up at
This work just makes me sadder
Why does it really matter

The ladder I wish to climb, is slippery you see
To succeed at life, is a mystery to me
How I wish I could live
Even if they would just give

Give a little of what they have to me
The breads crumbs, I would leave
To the next who climbs the wall
So they would not have far to fall

— The End —