I h8 how my Hole of a life
Is always up in the air
I h8 how everything i long for
is so far away from me
Yet, right there.
I h8 everything about me
it seems cuz I keep being told
its all me, its all me
Funny ........ me.
I h8 how i do all i can
To have a love of a man
And i find is a **** in a can
I h8 how all i do
Is **** up everything i am
By dieing so much on the inside
all i do is cry on the outside
every second that well i just am.
I h8 hiw lonely i am
bcuz i dnt choose someone who
Will stand lovingly by my side
I h8 how even though
Each word i wrote
Speaks only of me and I
Someone else feels the exact same way
Inside.

I cant push you away        anymore today       it hurts too much      to pray      or wish for change       i cant push you away       way too much to say       if only i could breathe       if only words could speak      all my dreams      would be so happy       all my thoughts       would dance out loud      if only there was sound      i cant push you away       i have no strength       for walls       and i cant move away       im too far gone        dont try to hold me       my firea too hot       dont try to let go either      the drop dont stop      i cant push you away       i have nothing left       given every last       brick away       that i built my walls with      giving in       to every cry scream or whim       letting go of this      is all thats left       cuz i cant look away       from all of this.

I am not real
This is not happening
We are not hurt
I am not grasping
I complicate
every avenue I take
I immortalize
Every person who see's
My eyes
I am not real
My existence is only memory
We are not hurt
Only attempting
Flames bursting around me
I am a delusion
That your hallucination
Breeds
I am not real
I do not exist.... ...

In the beginning i was "oh no, uh oh" crying. Then I was the "not in my house" "nasty spiclett, rug rat, welfare seed". After I was here it was there, then there was shes such a bad kid, only cuz no one was stopping him. Then it was liar liar she's just a filthy **** liar, all the while theres turmoil left and right. How does a child just adjust with no one to ever trust, no home to call her own, bouncing here, bouncing there, never having anything constent. Always called every other name then the name forced upon me, like a mark, another label. How does a child learn how to eat at a table never provided for just always shiwn the door. Was this chuld just suppose to know how to survive all alone, nothing ever of thier own. Thats just the breaks of never being wanted.