sometimes i wish i were a poet,
if only so that i could tell you
the impossible with words.

my body's an atomic wasteland
after the explosion that was you
my heart's just a geiger counter
counting the years since we blew

once upon a time*
and we all know how this story goes:
there's a princess in a tower
waiting for true love to find her.
don't lie: you wanted to be royalty
back before reality set in.
you outgrew it.

i never did.
i've always loved fairytales
but i never wanted to be the hero.
i'm no damsel in distress.
me? i wanted to be the dragon.

i wanted to plunder and pillage,
to put myself first,
to take instead of give.

i wanted to kidnap the princess
and feel the rush of power
that comes from leaving
a kingdom in fear.

i wanted to live for myself.
i wanted to not care when
someone told me to do better,
when people called me failure.

i wanted to burn people with my fire
like i wished i could with words.

i wanted to be legendary,
divine,
better
than
before.

i wanted to be the dragon
because the dragon always dies.

you laugh long and loud
tell me anger is uncalled for
tell me "it's a compliment"

i want to tell you this:
my ancestors killed thousands
conquered nations
burned kings alive
yet somehow you think
that i can't do the same

maybe i'd just like to know
what makes you human
when you've torn me down
so inhumanly

AVA:** drinking sriracha so that i can feel something
GRACE: *** how'd it go
AVA: not well
GRACE: *** ava u liar u r practically a genius
AVA: that's hilarious
AVA: sayS THE GIRL IN GENIUS MATH
GRACE: wish you were here
AVA: what???
GRACE: nvm, ignore me
GRACE: wrong person

GRACE: i'm sure ur test went fine

maybe i don't tell you how scared i am of hurting. maybe i want you to know anyways. maybe i keep quiet even though my mind screams wild like the summer sun. maybe i wish that someone knew me well enough to know when my mind burns, and that you never throw water on a grease fire unless you want me to explode.