Valerie

Valerie Feb 2021

I wrote you a letter
And I pray that you stay
I hope you will read it
And you don’t go away

But it’s not up to me
It is your decision
I can not change your mind
Let me see your vision

I’ll have to respect it
But I didn’t agree
My heart is in pieces
Why didn’t you warn me

I’m under water
and it’s forcing me down
My lungs are filled with sorrow
You ruined my idea of a wedding gown

This might sound stupid
But it felt unusually cruel
I want to drown
Oh why must I be such a fool

Why must my happiness
depend on you
When yours are a shade of blue
And here I thought I was trough

Valerie Dec 2019

idk

This is not a poem
Or maybe it is
The words doesn’t come easy to me
I don’t know much
I never know what to say
Try to tell it by writing
But it doesn’t seem to work
I’m sad
And I don’t know why
I cry often
And it bothers me that I can’t find a solution
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself
I am not allowed to be sad
Because so many suffer from worse things
And I don’t even know why I’m sad

Valerie Dec 2019

No escape

I have a hard time falling asleep
Especially when I want to
But I’m always tired
Even right now as I’m writing this
I want to sleep
But can’t get the thoughts off my mind
They’re not dark
But they’re sad
And they’re always in the back
In my dreams too
Knocking at the door to my mind

Valerie Dec 2019

Try tonight

A dark room
Full of liquor
and smog
I know he’s in there
Saying, “I’ll try tonight,
To not get drunk
To not get high,
Don’t wanna end up
like the old man,
I’ll try tonight”
“Nirvana,”
He writes
no suffer
no desire
no self-consciousness
It’s what he wants
While he’s in the state of
fear
and love
Under the influence

Saying, “I’ll just try tomorrow”

Valerie Dec 2019

Golden Gate

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest
It might've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly
So I stepped off the golden
Nobody cried
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you're here
They don't deserve you"
I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter
It could've been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't wanna let anybody know
Because everybody wants something from me now
And I don't wanna let them down
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?

From Billie Eilish's "Everything I wanted"

Valerie Dec 2019

Despair

Now you're spending all your time with another
I imagine she is beautiful and wild
Do you whisper softly that you love her?
Does she sleep in her own just like a Child?

From Cat Pierce's "Sometimes you lose"

Valerie Dec 2019

Hit me

You call me wise, sweet and beautiful
You say I’m the one
That I’m special
And I should never change
You say you love me
How can I ever leave that?

You call me crazy, cruel and hideous
You say I’m nobody
That I’m ordinary
And I should become different
You say you hate me
But those are just words?

You apologize
You tell me you love me
Over and over
That It’ll never happen again
I believe you
But it’s the second time?

You got mad over something I said
Or was it something I did?
I don’t even know
I can’t keep up anymore
I love you
And it won’t happen again, right?