Took out a pencil to erase my past
Pressure down on the paper while you're sitting in the chair
There's candle wax all over the tables
From candlelit canvases. You blew the flame out
Grey clouds and bags of flour mixed together, we go sour, we went sour
I kissed the mirror with my lipstick
I saw the hand watch tick away, away
And the time to play
means that you can't stay
before the day turns into
melted sun rays

This is what life is, we don't really know where we're going, it is an every second exploration and observation of the time that passes us by. This is what it is to live.
We take part in making choices for ourselves which sometimes affect those around us, we have energy that the earth omits and energy, we emit.
Movement.
Our brains are like pieces of granola in a big bag, not one piece is exactly the same.
So we watch life, take part in it, to try and form into a "person", we make this game of living worth while.
But some of us, wonder, what is our purpose? How did we end up here? How did the earth form itself and progress into such a technologic, crime-infested, polluted, whirly world.
Non-Utopia.
This place can be such a wreck, everything can be seen different throughout each of our pair of eyes, or we may just have one eye or colorblind eyes.
Perceptions.
I don't really ever pay attention or even look at every part of my body and study it. It's amazing to me how intricate each ***** and our entire body is, how our body is such a team. Everything works together and if one thing goes wrong, we have our blood cells and other things inside of us that will back us up. It's incredible, but do we ever really wonder how we were made, what the real roots are, not just our mothers and fathers, but way back when....

Are you here for the same reasons?
What do we have in common? I bet there are a few things.
We are alike
Similarities strike again
The End of our roads will be the same
Our first breath to our last
I'm so beat up, my eyes are heavy, they're wearing out to the movement of pedestrians
I want to scream, oh this fatigue my bones feel weak, my neck starts to creak
I want out, wanna find my place
I wanna go out wanna go places
Wanna see the world

Throwing rocks at the water
And I said to myself
I'm not ready to go
I'm not ready to go
Well there's someone knocking at my door now
Whispering sweet melodies and telling me that there's a fire burning in the trees
But I tell them I can't make it through there
I just can't get through there
I wouldn't make It through
Stronger than a steel cup sitting on the stove
with the gas in the air
Through the branches
The Ceiling crackles
its tougher than your skin
You're ages away
Time can only show
Where our souls will flow
of tomorrow
And today's ugly snow
The days will travel alone
And meet us by the power line where there will be singing crows
and it's white like your clothes

7 in the morning, mothers yelling never fails -
blood stop sign, big yellow mobile full of youngins
classroom chair, picking the dirt from under her nails -
red hand moving slowly on the clocks -
children alive, active, and about
father not around to help put on her socks -
***** shoes with freshly showered feet -
"nap time boys and girls, take off your sneakers"
she panics to take off hers, starts to feel the heat-
left shoe off then the right shoe-
little kids point and laugh
hard to breathe, her ivory face turns blue-
silent darkness would be great at this time-
a quick call to mom and dad and the usual no answer
tears trickling down her cheek, quiet as a mime.-

It's Friday night, summertime, and what am I doing?
Sitting on my ****, in my second story apartment, in silence, staring at my dead tv, doing absolutely nothing, frozen lips, frozen mind, frozen body.
I try so hard to melt this ice bubble around me,
it's controlling my entire self.
I want to break the ice.

Love is never near or far
it's kept in a bright, shooting star
That's up at night, flying really fast
remembering the memories in the past
Once I catch it, I feel the love
that is extremely high, up above
I'll feel a tingle in my heart
telling me my journeys are bound to start
Love is never locked up in a safe
it is to believe and have faith
To hold and to cherish
to adore, not to perish
It's to sit together, underneath the stars
count how many stars there are
It's to swim in the ocean, and feel it's breeze
and sit outside and observe the leaves
To examine the color of the wind
to love your true love deep within.

@2003

Are you here for the same reasons?
What do we have in common? I bet there are a few things.
We are alike
Similarities strike again
The End of our roads will be the same
Our first breath to our last
I'm so beat up, my eyes are heavy, they're wearing out to the movement of pedestrians
I want to scream, oh this fatigue my bones feel weak, my neck starts to creak
I want out, wanna find my place
I wanna go out wanna go places
Wanna see the world

Made of spoon,
Plastic.
Fork made of steel,
when life gives you a man who controls how you feel.
Plastic spoon, fake and breakable,
steel fork, strong and irreplacable.

A butterfly once landed on my shirt,
lifted my spirit,
kept on with my day,
still felt down in the dirt.
walked to the hudson before dusk to see the christmas lights hanging onto the bridge.

i wanted to show you
i wanted to open up that part of me
entangled fingers and chewed up nails
let me show you and open up that part of me
show me no haste, no more time to waste
fill the air in my lungs with your tender soul
i felt the beckoned wind lash beneath my toes
the ground pushing me up to the last branch
the branch wont crack, the life in front of my eyes
lies in the clouds and your breath in the sky
flooding in the alley ways of old freakish stories
numbness in my neck, disconnected from my flesh

smile for miles
but the others, they don't want to see my teeth
eyes open wide, there was a surprise
the others don't want to hear me speak
keep hiding behind the curtain
kick my boots through the window
find me sitting by the river
where the water never stops moving
i want to get moving
killing the mute
pushing through the fake frowns
would you like to hear my sound?

the city shines while we connect our minds
talk to ourselves in mirrors
asking why do we die?
the alarms will always ring
to keep the misery at bay
the roses thorns will fall
when the gravity stops us all

strings through metal holes,
tightly strung in a bow,
over the rocks and snow, we go.
the snow flakes will wash away our foot prints
fade and escape the chaos

Smiles for miles, but the others, yeah, they don't want to see my teeth.
Eyes open wide, there was a surprise, the other's don't want to see my speak.
Keep hiding behind the curtain,
kick my boots through the window,
find me sitting by the river,
where the water never stops moving,
I want to get moving.
Opening up this silence,
pushing through the fake frowns,
"Would you like to hear my sound?".

does the sun like the window? it goes through it
the milk likes the glass, it sees right through it
books on the shelf, like to be on top of it

really up, really down
love inside a cup,
drowning in a frown

As  I stand at my counter, ringing out young mothers with their new born babies & toddlers, I have thoughts producing constantly, some that I cannot place together to make sense and some that I think and tell myself, this type of work is only temporary, I wonder what I want to do...with my minutes, hours, days...my life.
I have too much on my mind.
I was just thinking "I like to smile" while ringing someone out but I still hide my smiles and it's hard to control even though, it's me, I'm in control, I control what I do, I control what I say, where I guide MYself, me.
I cannot break my serious face, I feel bad for being nice.
If I am who I am, I'm either too nice to people and they think I'm being superficial.

I dream to be aware of my surroundings
To notice it all crystal clear
perceive the world around me to be blissful and near without added fear
What its like to really feel an objects existence
To understand the meaning of existence itself
Need someone to bring me back to my core
I'm lost, my mind is sore and the life I'm in is such a bore

Thank you Jesus for bringing my Uncle Paul back safely.

The rock
I hated the rock in the beginning
It stressed me out
I didn't know how to park without runni ng it over
I got stuck on it once with the car
I always thought I'd do it again and again after that bad experience
I had no choice but to **** it up and park in the parking spot with the rock there.
So after 3 yrs I got used to parking with it there, not every time was easy and I was often criticized by my landlord on my parking but I was determined and had no other option.
So over time it got easier and I rarely ever freak out over the "stupid" rock.
Now it's just what I live with day to day.
I can apply to rock to my negative thoughts here.
I realized I was less alone and crazy when I initially had to park with the rock I thought it was so silly and inconvenient and thought I was being a baby about it.
My uncle came and had to park in my spot last night and he himself hit the rock. It was new to him, he also got angry about it. Similar response to my first time,
he took it out on the rock and moved it out of the ground with his stregnth and put it back after. To show the rock whats what.
To move it and let it go back and move on.
This really taught me a lesson today.
In my own trauma and negative thinking, I got used to the rock and stopped feeling I couldn't learn how to park with the obstacle, it helped me attach this experience to my own thinking. That maybemovertime my panic and negative thinking, I can get used to and not worry about them as much, slowly hear them in my head and not follow them as often or believe Its not possible.
I thank paul and God for showing me this

This morning paul is moving the rock again/the obstacle, he doesnt want to pull out with the car in risks of it
He has such guts
He asked "what are you so afraid of? You're like your mother"
He taught me we dont have to chose to struggle
Even though he lives his life in complete hardships

With all the doubts,
I realize
Unselfishlessly
How God is a Creator,
The Creator
How I am a creator, thanks to Him,
How if I care about each creation that I work on, to make it as perfect and good quality as I can get it to be,
What makes me think God doesnt care about all of His creation?
To form it into the best he can!
To appreciate and love his creation fully always and give Him the credit.

Oh Heavenly Father
hold me and my earthly life together like glue.
The papers that got lost in the wind, came back to you and were white, not blank pages bc you filled them with your words
Holy, Holy
Light
I want to listen to the creator, He brought me on to this earth.

If God can create rain, or lightening, how is that not a miracle?
Or a mind blowing concept at the least?
Just because we see it often doesnt mean it's not incredibly different and awesome.
And just as powerful as a biblical story.
Imagine if you saw rain for the first time.
People back then saw miracles for the first time, or they saw Gods powers like turning Lots wife into a pillar of salt.
No matter how ridiculous it sounds,
God can do anything.
If he created the universe, what makes us second guess the stories in the bible?
Anything is possible with Him.
We are always trying to figure things out on our own.
If God answered prayers right away all the time, he would have no teachings for us, no purpose for us, we would know it all before hand. He has plans, structure, and we learn a lot of this in His word. We learn more about Him.