Where were you when I was growing up?
You were in college getting A's while I was getting D's in science class in the 5th grade.
I remember asking if you wanted to draw with me and you never had the "time"
10 minutes out of your ******* busy day to spend with your CHILD.
yeah, I understand bringing food to the table is important and your brain wasn't fully developed until 25 but, where were you?
I loved that computer. Oh, AOL 5.0, talking to strangers, going into lesbian chats, looking at naked pictures of women.
I appreciated when you paid attention to me when I would wear the same underwear and pants weeks straight.
It was amazing that you noticed I never used to take my Ritalin and that I would hide it under my tongue and then stick it in a mug under my ****** twin bed.
I've had 8 cats during my lifetime?
Do you remember April that cat, that siamese cat, our 5 cats? What was up with having so many **** CATS?
I loved watching nickolodeon and nick at nite. Cat dog all day with 5 kittens in our lovely apartment.
LOVED having your now "husbands" nephew trying to have *** with me when I was like 11 and he was 18.
The moths were fun.....fancied smelling like moth ***** during school!
I loved taking baths only because we had no shower head. Filling up a plastic cup with water to be able to wash my hair was my favorite.
I loved when you threw a hair dryer at me.
Digging your stupid fake nails into my skin, not sure what I did "wrong" then but that was always the best treatment, CHILD.
My favorite was when you helped with my homework.
Loved when you threatened that you would "tie a rope around my neck" and that you hated me.
Loved eating raviolis and getting 2 chicken sandwiches from Mcdonalds. Oh, 4 mini burgers and fries from Whitecastle after going to Marshalls was my favorite.
That guy, that assyrian, iranian guy that owned Carvel and was 20 years older than you...I loved when he used to let me go outside alone the condos when I was 3.
Loved when he'd force me to where overalls and ugly clothes in elementary school.
Being forced to go to an Assyrian church every sunday was the best!

This is what life is, we don't really know where we're going, it is an every second exploration and observation of the time that passes us by. This is what it is to live.
We take part in making choices for ourselves which sometimes affect those around us, we have energy that the earth omits and energy, we emit.
Movement.
Our brains are like pieces of granola in a big bag, not one piece is exactly the same.
So we watch life, take part in it, to try and form into a "person", we make this game of living worth while.
But some of us, wonder, what is our purpose? How did we end up here? How did the earth form itself and progress into such a technologic, crime-infested, polluted, whirly world.
Non-Utopia.
This place can be such a wreck, everything can be seen different throughout each of our pair of eyes, or we may just have one eye or colorblind eyes.
Perceptions.
I don't really ever pay attention or even look at every part of my body and study it. It's amazing to me how intricate each ***** and our entire body is, how our body is such a team. Everything works together and if one thing goes wrong, we have our blood cells and other things inside of us that will back us up. It's incredible, but do we ever really wonder how we were made, what the real roots are, not just our mothers and fathers, but way back when....

As  I stand at my counter, ringing out young mothers with their new born babies & toddlers, I have thoughts producing constantly, some that I cannot place together to make sense and some that I think and tell myself, this type of work is only temporary, I wonder what I want to do...with my minutes, hours, days...my life.
I have too much on my mind.
I was just thinking "I like to smile" while ringing someone out but I still hide my smiles and it's hard to control even though, it's me, I'm in control, I control what I do, I control what I say, where I guide MYself, me.
I cannot break my serious face, I feel bad for being nice.
If I am who I am, I'm either too nice to people and they think I'm being superficial.

Made of spoon,
Plastic.
Fork made of steel,
when life gives you a man who controls how you feel.
Plastic spoon, fake and breakable,
steel fork, strong and irreplacable.

This world is so messed up
We're all working double shifts just to get some pay
To eat hay and there's none of those off days to sleep in all day
The exhaustion is unfair, unhealthy, and no one cares
The selfish, they work hard for their bucks
While the poor, they get money for giving their precious bodies for *****
It's so ****** up how the world spins and does its thing
The people in it they laugh, they don't cry, most don't even sing
I'm following, obeying
Not straying through that red light
Id like to give the sun a kiss
Cause
I've got thoughts of you, the thoughts of you, they are bliss
So **** full of bliss
Take me to the sun

See me as a Poetry lyricist in this present moment
In my past, I swam across the bathtub water
Little innocence, had a little soap sponge and spilled milk
Reminiscing of the pushes and shoves
The yelling and frozen fingertips left without warm gloves
If I was that princess, I couldn't have a soul
I wouldn't have a soul
I would be without a soul living in a false hole
With false hopes
wine bottles just to cope
Run to the safe ground, play ground
Energies, smiles for miles, dances

What a December in this state
I'm spending my days in and nights in with socks full of ice
Nose like Rudolph the reindeer
The opposite Of poor
their brand new Veneers
Everyones Caroling along to those Christmas songs
While I'm baking my food for the next day that feels like ages long
Sittin' on the subway
The wheels are going/gliding/flying fast
Hearing myself inside
Asking, "why must we be mute? And hide?"
We're all human beings with hair, nails, and breathing
will they tell me where theyre from,?
Will that make them run?
This life of secrets isn't so fun
Were all really one
But stuck in a black plum