They wanted to be able to feel a way that was familiar to them. Comfortable. And it did not have to feel good. They did not have to feel joy. Because joy was too fleeting. To them, joy was uncomfortable, because they could not control it. To them, joy was uncomfortable, because they knew it would soon be gone. But they could control their suffering. They could control their own despair. They could hurt themselves whenever they wanted to. They took solace in this. Finally, something consistent. A place to settle in. A cranny to hide within.
The world soared past them.

hey, whatsup break me open and have a look inside
a suh dood check out these heady feels but like
whoa bruh they tell me
simmer down
you're harshin that mellow
yellow matter it's no matter tell me something new
find me something else to say I'm a
fried egg in a skull here's some banter
gallop trot and canter I'm just horsin' around
of course it's not finely ground buddy 'ol pal
you'll have to crush it up yourself
if ya wanna snort it
but hey let's abort that mission
I'm just tryin' to chill in the kitchen
all I want is a nice meal I don't want
anyone to steal these lasts wisps of my soul
let's smoke a bowl and forego the physical
maybe think about something quizzical
something that'll bring me elsewhere
anywhere but before

It felt like
I was walkin swift,
out in snowy drift
my thumb stickin out,
just lookin for a lift and
I'm going on and on
along this icy road, where
nobody should be driving and
there's not a single flower thriving,
just a sorry soul stuck diving
into vacuous space, with
a deadpan face an
intricate lace, and a
now unhurried pace
shuffle shuffle
thumb down

a single thread,
black thin and bare
floating adrift,
in starlit air
unattached

a single layer,
not enough

cold pink hands
in bottomless pockets,
filled with keys to lost lockets
with tick tocks and tickets, bits of
tobacco, and crumpled up paper

so lift yourself to lift the veil,
but lift yourself to no avail, and
it's no matter if you succeed or fail

it's a silly serpent biting it's own tail.
it has no need for anything else.

keep on walking

we held hands, we stumbled
in tattered coats, we mumbled
in our palms, we held the time
passing shattered windows
in our bob-bobbing boats and
we ran away from the rising sun
now we are running
away from the rising sun
running away from it
on creaky rotting docks
over sneaky sharp rickety rocks
(we) (wanted to see it) (rise forever)
[throbbing throats] [throbbing throats]
-we are the rising sun-
(we are the rising sun )
>lockets lickety locked< and
we grew tired >> we grew tired
(we are the change)
we had thrown away the key <<
(we are the ones)
and _ we had slowed down _
(we have been waiting for)
and ^the sun had sped up /
and that time
oh that time was slipping
between our fingertips dripping
(we are dawning)
(we are dawning)

War is the King of All,
as Heraclitus puts it.
No Life without Strife!

What wondrous distress!
This eternal suffering,
This eternal bliss

I am the ground
I am the ground from which
hatred and love emerge
neck and neck
symbiosis

I am abstracted from these
and yet intertwined, consistent
and unyielding in my birth and rebirth

I am the perennial,
the detritivore

The soil,
the mycelium,
the forest,
the fire

born from a single point,
growing and consuming
that which is colder than I —
until all fuel is exhausted
until I am exhausted

I am the Ugly Lie, the Corrupt
I am the Beautiful Truth, the Just
I am the Bad, the Good
I am the Formless
The Form

colorless, odorless, tasteless
unreachable, untouchable

receive me and
I am no longer myself
a distraction from the truth

I am entertainment
Will you entertain me?

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