buzz buzz bizz bazz fizz fazz shally wazz fazeem shilly shally fo sheem I'm a beam of light bring forth the maker bring forth the taker let the maker make and the taker take for that is who they are in the grand scheme of things there is no grand scheme its a grand ol dream its a grand ol stream of beams oh beam oh beam we live in a dream within a dream a mise en ebyme a tone within a tone a moan within a moan we live in a cry within a cry we live in a die within a die and it's all a lie within a lie that makes a truth within a truth after all there is no proof there's only me sitting aloof sitting in the booth waiting for my food at the local diner but I've never felt any finer than when I got that lovely shiny shiner I might be what you consider an anti-liner gotta pick up my binder and swing batta batta whisk the batter batter doughhh

Here it is
coming together
slowly and quickly
points being connected
connections being disappointed
disappointments being appointed
appointed proportionally and
disproportionally
click clack
stick it together
vertices criss cross
bricks and feathers
interlacing lines and
concentric circles dance
in and out of time it is a
convergence
a coming together
a going apart
it is silk spun in
every way you can think of
it is spit spat from every mouth you've ever heard
this blob of tip tap gloopy gloop tick tack
criss cross criss cross make it last
make it first
on the bus or in the hearse
in between or outside of
either way it's kind of
all the same and
very different
but look at that
and then it's not
a ghost in the periphery
a shadow in the center

Jesus was a liar and Ghandi was a fuccboi.

Prophets hate themselves the most.

Try to be pure light and you will never be.

You are not a single drop of ***** in an ocean of ****.
You are an ocean of **** in a single drop. Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

You came from sacks of fat floating around in primordial goop.
Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

You are 99% vacuous void but that 1% still makes you visible to me.
Tell me that's ******* disgusting.

I used to think I was all love and light and that was it.
Everything else was shame.
Everything else was to blame.
Everything else was also me.

I am mostly nothing and mostly darkness.
Don't tell me that's not ******* beautiful.

That despite being a walking maelstrom of empty space and spasmodic dance,
I am a ******* universe expanding in all directions simultaneously.

The only reason you can see the stars in the sky is because of all the emptiness.

The only reason you can look into my eyes is because of the little bit of life that shines through my pupils.

The only reason you can hold me in your arms is because the trillions and trillions of quanta that hold me together hate themselves and love each other because they all know that they hate themselves.

It's because they're entangled in a hot mess of spaghetti, sauce, and melted cheese.
Like a functioning dysfunctional family, we are trying our best and we all hate ourselves but we are trying love each other anyway.
Because we feel it.

Vacuous void. Chaotic dance.
Mostly nothing and a little bit of everything.

I saw you in the forest
and I thought you were just another tree
but there's no such thing

i am afraid of my tongue because i do not like to break silence
but i like to describe it and i cannot do that without destroying it
/'
but i am worried
i am worried of how
how i will break it
/'
the sound of the crack of a whip
a sharp tongue licking the air
/'
an explosion of proximity
the bursting breath of approximation
/'
masticated thoughts bite loose tongues
bite your tongue bite your tongue!
/'
give it to the cat to play with
until it is dead and no longer fun

can you take me to the last domain

\\

the last one
the one before
everything

\\

come tumbling down with me
flying skyward frown
upside inside out

\\

this amoebic mass of
intergalactic introspection and
analyses of outward perception

\\

this ion exchange
line dancing across an axon
don't shoot the neurotransmitter

\\

this realm is made entirely of thanks
when there is nothing to say

\\

it is my childhood that keeps me alive

\\

I'd like to immortalize my friends

\\

remember when we played in the sandbox?

\\

remember when my father stabbed you with a screwdriver.

\\

there was a time when all that mattered was music
there was a time when all that mattered was flesh
there was a time when all that mattered was eternal
there was a time when all that mattered was death

\\

scaled fish curling into reverse spiral
it floats there in haunting grimace

\\

the upholstered chairs by the fireplace
feet chewed by the jaws of a puppy

\\

the china cabinet in the corner
I could see the reflection of your
disgusting indulgences in it

screwdriver pink skin

\\

the musty mass of wires where your desk once was

where your life unfolded 'til the wee hours of the morning
sick and twisted absent minded distant soul

\\

that ball of electricity floating down from the sky
bobs as a ball in the surf toward the kitchen door

\\

terrifying electric forgiveness coming to engulf my brittle heart

destroyer of the void
I am glass shattered sun
scattered high beams

leaping from one black hole to another

I am finding nothing but the light within my soul bent into empty caves empty caves abyss forever
keep spitting

you're mine forever
chain link and snap

seratonin is an inhibitory neurotransmitter

happiness means
less neural activity

stop thinking, brain
stop it, please

but I will know joy from suffering
so I will know bliss from despair

**** me **** me I want to feel alive
train wreck train wreck

someone
pull me out of the
hole of *** the
hole of gender the
hole of identity

it is raining

my words drip along with the raindrops as the sides of this meatbucket crumple inward

plastics melting and
canvas fibres disconnected

i am frayed eye lash
eye lash pull scream and

eyes twisted in shapes unseen
body convulse and and convulse in
I'm confused why am I here

take me away from
this body
this now

losing my eyes would help everyone else