When you wash off the make-up,
Who is there, pretty girl?
Did anyone even notice
Those pretty curls?
Are you upset because you
Tried so hard for nothing?
I mean, were you actually expecting something?
Silly girl, you know not to rely.
Why would you go and get your
Hopes up so high?
Just smoke your cigarette and
Go back to bed.
And next time,
Try to use your head.

I don't want your words
Because words can lie
And I don't want your lies
No matter how accidental they are

And you shouldn't want my words either
I know I lie
I know I change my mind
And I want the words I give to you to last forever

But you do
I know what you want me to say
I know the unasked question

It's in your eyes
Your stance
Your voice

I can see it in everything you do
I hear it in everything you say
I can tell

Or I'm just imagining it

Either way

I don't know how else to tell you

What I can't say
Anything I don't say
All the things you want to hear
That I just don't

It has nothing to do with you
Or your failings or shortcomings

Which sounds like a bad breakup line
I know
But it's not
I don't want to leave you

But more than that
I want you to know
That everything I say to you
That all of it
Is absolutely true
In every possible way

I don't ever want to change that
I don't even want to risk it
You're too important

Maybe I'm just being crazy
It wouldn't be the first time
I've just always believed that words
They have power

Maybe not magical power
Or spiritual
Or physical

But whatever they have
It's enough
And I don't ever want to hurt you with them
Not even a little

So just know

When I say I miss you
I do

When I say that you are wonderful
Breathtaking
Irritating
Handsome
Intelligent
And beautiful both inside and out
You are

When I say I love you
I mean it

Every word
Every syllable
Every letter
Always and forever

And we'll figure out the rest

The ghosts of my past,
they haunt me.
Like the thousands of voices in my head,
they cry and wail in agony.

Sometimes I falter,
under the pressure of living,
all I'm doing is giving,
every last bit of me I have to give.

I don't want to die,
but I kind of do, I guess.
It's kind of hard to tell,
when your mind's a mess.

Nightmares consume the night,
insomnia prevails.
I feel weak,
no wind in the sails.

Now I sit here,
silently,
mindlessly,
and wait for you.

This could take forever,
but I've already had to wait that long before,
so it shouldn't be that hard,
to wait that long once more.

If you let him love you
You will have to say goodbye to me
And haven’t I been faithful?

Haven’t I been the one who was still
There when everyone else left you
Just as I told you they would leave you?

See, they all go away
They all call out “I loved you best”
And drive away with tear filled eyes

Something will ruin this “love” you
think you have found, if not,
I will show you how to do it

You can only be loved from afar
Romanticized and longed for
The woman he loved, but could never have

Soon, he will see that he was just
Idealizing you, and you are no different
From any other woman

Or else he will get scared of all this
Vulnerability and run away,
But either way, he WILL run away

I promise, my love, trust my words,
You are MY closest friend, MY lover
What would you be without me?

Since the day you were born
I have told you the truth

Sorry inner voice, break-ups are a *****.

I spent lots of minutes and a deep cup of coffee
with your sister, warding off the rain
and realizing that it was easier to acknowledge
that you've become someone I never met,
who wouldn't call me babesio and give me an Anthurium for Valentines Day
because they were sold out of Cactus's,
I decided it was easier to call you a loser
and laugh at how everything isn't working out;
Life's not what it should have been
for you or us
and nodding along when your sister says
'you're better than him, he'll figure it out'
because it was much easier than acknowledging
that I still only want to wrap you up in a hug
spend all day doing nothing together
and talk about all the grand things we might do someday

I'm okay
Really, I'm fine
But you're not
And that hurts me more than you will ever know