Sometimes love, is not having the person you love with you.
Sometimes they're a million miles away and sometimes they're at arm's reach but they're not yours to have, take or keep.
Sometimes being in love means letting go and sometimes it means letting in.
Sometimes it means shouting on rooftops and other times, other times it means not even the person you love knows of your feeling.
It's quite sad actually that all of the mistakes I've made are only mistakes because they're after you.
And it's quite sad that they're also because of you but because of me.
Does that make any sense?
But here's the thing, maybe things don't work out for a reason and that's quite sad too.
I want you to know that I loved you, maybe I still do.
I loved you, not since I've met you but since I started loving you.
Maybe at the flirtatious looks or maybe at the first kiss.
I don't regret and won't ever regret loving you.
And here's the thing about me, I love so deeply so freely sometimes I don't know how to show it.
Sometimes my thoughts are quite messed up, and I don't know what to do or how to do things.
I'm a broken person; into millions of little pieces but when I say that I have feelings for you, know that my soul is every little bit yours.
Know that my body will not say no to you.
Know that even if I'm messed up to the bone, I still hope and even to myself that I'm a good person.

Before you talk behind my back
Know, that I am a human being
So are you

Surely, I am
flawed, messed up, broken, scarred
but I bet, so are you

You and I arr very different,
whether I know you, or not,
whether you know me or not
my ***** laundry, is mine
and so is yours
and I bet that you wouldn't like it if anyone
anyone
aired your laundry without your knowing
or approval
or created laundry, that was not even there


your jealousy, is not my problem
your anger isn't either
surely, i understand
people react in different ways

but please,
before you go around talking behind my back
know that i am human
that i have feelings

and i bet you do too

I know exactly what fear looks like
when in a dream, death knocked on my door
I know exactly what a prayer sounds like
when in the morning, i talked to god out loud
I know exactly what temptation is
when fears becomes a reality
and the devil knocks on your door
trying to shake your faith
by facing you with death
but in death, i have faith
in darkness and in light, i find strength
in darkness and in light, i will find my truth
and there always be light in the dark
because I’ll carry my flame through it, lux in tenebris

our bed has turned in an ice cold battlefield
as the days pass
and our hearts grow more distant
we start to slip off slowly
into nonchalant habits
that lack all sorts of love that we had

and even if
any of us could have opened the door
left to seek no return
we haven't yet

so many times did you try
not intending to leave

but when i ask you to leave
you stand at the door half openhalf closed
looking at me
like the world just crumbled down your feet

leave me,
and the monsters in my head alone.

leave me,
we're both too messed up
to be together
to be in love

oh but honey we are

the screaming and fighting
made us want to throw things at each other
but never did
we're not violent
and each time it was over
you'd touch me slowly
as if
trying to heal me
as if touching my wounds
as if
as if you scratched me
with a red red rose's thorn

so now you're standing at the door
one foot in and one foot outside
and in your eyes a question;
'do you really want me to go?'

and as i sit on the floor
i whisper with tears in my eye
and a sting in my throat
'why won't you leave me?'

Spread out on the bathroom floor
Sick and tired of all the beautiful excuses he makes
The sugar-coated ones,
Sugar rush of tears and time wasted thinking of him
She, finds comfort in her cigarettes,
She's beautiful, she's wonderful
And of course she doesn't see it,
When the tears have carved darkness under her eyes.
She can barely sleep,
Looking for something in the dark
but in the dark we barely see anything
and there's no answer to our questions
And you know what?
She deserves all of the love someone can give
And I'd hold her close if she cries
My heart breaks in a million little pieces for her
But he, he loves her
And every time she smiles,
the world gets a little better
but every time she cries the angels above break their wings a little

*and that's a beautiful, tragic , love
and she deserves all of the love in the world

have you met someone
who coincides with your personality so well,
you'd think you're the same person?

the same person in two different bodies,
the same soul and feelings,
belief and fear.

have you met someone you shared so much with
but then again
nothing at all

for two years or ten years

this is a story, about losing a friend

but first of all,
here's the back story;

six years old, two little girls
who didn't quite fit in

they were bound together
by being complete opposites
the bully and the bullied
the weak and the strong

they grew up together
but apart
wouldn't talk for days
come crying in the middle of the night
to one another
or just tell each other a happy story

but friendships
need care and love
to grow
healthy and strong
and there was none

one of the little girls
grew older
grew stronger
left the nest
but was left behind
and tried not to turn back
oh so many times
but couldn't

now,
she's decided
she won't go back to a dark place
she won't put effort if she's not getting anything in return
because a heart can only pump so much blood
it will one day get tired
and eyes can only cry so many tears
one day they will dry

she tried
but it is no longer what it was

and well
the other six year old girl
she just left
careless and reckless
never looking back
never asking
never answering the endless phone calls

and what's sad, is that sometimes
overnight
the biggest friendships in the world
fade to nothing
in daylight

She
Was the hardest to write about
Not because I can't explain her
Or I don't understand her
but because I see a lot of myself in her

She's sweet, so sweet
Vanilla would be jealous

She's tough, so tough
5 year old boys would be jealous

Even boys our age are jealous

They look at her from afar and she really doesn't know
They look at her from afar like she's untouchable
Which she is
Sometimes

She
wants the best for all of us
rolls her eyes every time we use the excuse
let's just do it while we're young

She's driven and passionate
for a lot of things
like basketball

She runs as if her life depended on it
and that's not just on the court
but in life too

She runs to our rescue,
rolling her eyes most of the time
making inappropriate jokes,
here and there


but when she needs us
she knows she can always have us by her side

and when she cries, you can bet the whole world has shifted
and the hurricane has set its roots
and she's not okay


*and that's a beautiful, tragic , love

and she deserves all of the love in the world