Anxiety is like a spouse you'll always be stuck with, for better or worse, who drives you crazy but you cannot live without. It lives with you throughout the day and night, holds your hand, nudges you to act, urges you to get up, to do more, to fix something or even make something. It pushes you to the edge, then holds you back right before you fall. It wants you to win, outshine the others, to impress and astonish everyone around you. And just like any marriage, you go with the flow, agree, and nod with a smile. Then one day, it has you by the throat and you find yourself losing it and losing yourself along. And just like friend you can rely on, Xanax is there, offering you an intermission, the gift of quietude, a break. Because the truth is, and I’ll speak for myself here. I want tranquillity once in a while, but I don’t want a tranquil life.

She laughed & told me
life's not fair
& if there's anything that I learned
in school that week,
it was that

sometimes, the dunes
are not caressed by the ocean waves,
not kissed goodnight
in laps of foamy seas in high tides.

Some nights, the darkness
of the atmosphere is not illuminated,
not awakened by nature's nightlight
O, how the stars ache!

Sometimes, green-painted men
are shipped across oceans
like little plastic toys
to **** people they've never met.

empty rooms, with walls of mold and smoke
fridges with wine and beer
the halls are littered with empty nights and bottles
work filled days
drunken stumbling nights

we live in a bubble you say
an empty bubble with nothing but liquor soaked emotions
and stress filled minds

please come make something real again
please take me to your single bed and give me something to hold onto
dont mind my craziness, and wine breath
ignore my empty cigarettes packs
and my faded suntan and freckles

i just wanna sleep in nothing
be my warmth
dont let me fade into the bubble

take me out into the world
show me all ive been looking for
remind what ive forgotten ive lost
show me the mountains ive missed
and the grass i used to lie in
rememeber when
i was good at something
that didnt mean sick in the morning

but you saw the faded suntan and the freckles
you saw my empty cigarette packs and tasted my wine breath
so now ill fade back to where youll never find me
in my liquor soaked dreams

You have to believe
    otherwise, there's
            nothing to be done

As I drive past, I spy, in the sky
above the air force station of Bangalore,
two vrooming fighter jets,
three hedge hopping choppers,
five flitting dragon flies in mirth beyond words,
a swallow in love, with his lady love in tow;
fly in formations-
creations of own convenience,
(except for  the machines,
that strictly  follow rules)
against the big, round, magenta sun,
getting prepared
to set behind the mountains.

What if the closest I get
to that moment is now?