Strolling under the vaults
of eternal misery:
The school-hallways
puts my heartbeat to a halt

Eyes scanning intensely,
seeking out cover from the wild beasts inside
looking at me
with their judgmental eyes.

Hidden in class like a gem under a stone,
I sit always alone
in the blackhole
that is my imagination.

An outcast, a stranger--
I see their eyes,
and the young love between girls and guys,
i see so passionately
through my glass-window,
admiring the love, the light,
the life--pleasant or unpleasant
still lighter than my darkness.
How they are so humane,
yet I'm left alone with pain.

When will this pain end,
the dreadful feeling of not fitting in?
or is this all I'll have,
all I'll have for eternity?

I will peek through the window again
and see their faces with radiant happiness
so I can paste it onto my own
in my imagination!

Through the bright brilliance of the dark/ Into the light their souls embark/ Warped by time and ignorance/ Their sight is burned, their vision spent/ No longer the same, they fear the darkness from which they were born.

Reunited
with the life
loves provided.
Me and my self got
separated by what time did
and I hid. Not wanting to
open an eyelid.
Scared of the dark in days
without her light...
I needed insight, but she was all I could see
even after she was gone.
Pleasant apparition drifting through my dusk
and my dawn... Now Ive moved on.

Lie and die.
Swear and perish.
Truth's not real.

Ask and seek
But answers never known,
Forever unknown.

your lips touch mine, a simple revelation
that begins a revolution
walls crumble
guards stumble
as you fumble for the key
you open me and see
that I am no longer who I used to be

you found the door
that leads straight to my core
and because of you I can love like never before

so now that I’ve moved on from all that has been
I plead to you, baby, kiss me again

the funny thing about time
is the way it grinds your bones to dust
while they’re still sitting in your flesh

we can all feel it,
we pretend we don’t, but we do

you feel it when you wake up in the morning
having dreamt of your childhood
and the sound of your sister’s laughter is still ringing in your ears

you feel it when you look up from a book
and its not your brother sitting in the chair next to you
but a strange fellow with a deep voice
and a nose that looks remarkably familiar

and strongest of all, you feel it when at the dinner table
your mother asks you what you’ve been up to for the past 18 years

see, the funny thing about time
is the way it grinds your bones to dust
while they’re still sitting in your flesh

just the other night, I pressed my palms together
and I called on a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile,
to ask where he’d been

he told me he’d been spending time with my father
because the man really needed some company
without his oldest son to talk to

oh and while I have you, he said,
your mother called
she told me to tell you
that your bed is made, if you ever want to come home

Never did I think you'd start pushing me away,                          
Now it seems to happen more each day.
    Dont think for a second that I get mad,
Look in my eyes cant you see im sad.
    I try doing everything that I think I should
Im doing things today that I never thought I could.
    There's no appreciation for the things I do or say,
Never did I think you'd start treating me this way.
     There's no more hugs and I no longer get a kiss
Dont you realize its the little things I miss.
      I used to hear I love you at least once a day,
Thats when I felt you wanted me to stay.
      Just remember that I love you and will do all I can
To forever hold the title of calling you my man.

I was once at the tip of an Arrow
then it pierced the wOrld.
When you reach the end
the end and the beginning are one.
What then?

I don't know who I am anymore.
who I ever was for that matter. I
hate
that saying
"I just have to find myself"
it feels like a lame
copout.
an excuse to leave behind your responsibilities,
an excuse that makes everyone feel like crap. everyone
but you.
nevertheless, here I sit
at the bottom of a dark closet asking myself:
who am I?
that question is just a breath away from:
I need to find myself.
where does one go
exactly,
to find one's self?
I might need to buy a ticket

I have been so caught up in
pleasing people,
I don't know
how to
please myself.
I want to cry.
I want to feel that deep aching rip in my chest that comes with the choking toddler sobs.
I want to taste the salty tears as they trickle down my face, tickling my checks’.
I want to release this swirling scream from within my lips.
I want,
I want,
I want,
I don't know what I
want.
how could I? I don't know who I
am.

I wonder if there is really even
anyone to discover?

will I
always feel this way?
I can't remember before I felt this way. even though I
am sure that there was a
before.
could this possibly be a feeling that people live with?
I need air to live. I need
light
to see. I don't know who that person in the mirror is
but, life goes on.
Do I need simply to repress this feeling, like
so many others:
alienation,
loneliness,
longing,
and now this, this
ambiguity
within myself. that is myself.
I am...
a
question

I lie awake in bed so still
Helpless i'm forced to take that pill
I cannot move, my fight is gone
I just listen to my favourite song.

My lips are chapped, cracked and dry
As my hair falls out i say goodbye
To those i love and who love me
Forever in my memory

But time goes on and they'll forget
The way i moved and the scent of my breath
So bury me in my favourite clothes,
My lady bird shoes and big clown nose

Then when Mama looks at me in my box
She remembers me saying
"I'll be an astronaut"

She starts to cry, as she only sees
The innocence that washed over me
So Papa takes her by the hand
And as she sobs she gives the command

My box goes down but i sore high
Me and my spaceship
Drift into the sky