I watched videos
that made it through my operating system's
up date
some got lost in the crunch and grind
but a few slipped through
I look happy in the ones recorded for you
but click over one or two
and I seem worn, dilapidated
now I'm incapacitated
it feels like I used up all my romantic love
in a two year span
like after all my sweetness expired is when
I grew into a man
after all, the girls that came after
slowly morphed into women
and the relations I had fell short
of stable
now I reject the label "boyfriend"
I don't make promises because
I don't believe I'll keep them
the last time I held hands
and actually felt warmth
I think I was drunk
and helping someone up
who had fallen
her heel broke, almost did a face plant
I felt sorry and accompanied her home
she babbled and tried to pull me inside
I said
"No"
not because I didn't like her
or want her
I just didn't want to be
haunted by my lack of devotion
someone please come along
set the gears of my machine heart
back in motion
or better yet
turn the cogs back into muscle tissue
change the cables into veins
replace the gasoline
with real pumping blood
so I can once again
feel my heart jump
at the smell of a perfume
a touch
a voice
please
make me
human

When I was sad
I asked you to hold my water
and as I emptied the glass into your hands
you began to cry
seeing me with the empty glass
the tears falling
into your open hands
you created a lake between the seams of your fingers
nourishing it with your own
and when I finally held my glass out again
when I had the strength to carry it
I asked why you were crying
you told me
"I merely hoped my tears were enough to make you see the glass a little more towards half full"

and that's when I knew I didn't deserve you

I don't even have words
We crested a mountain
In down pours and
60 mph winds
now I'm home
Wrapped in clothes
and blankets
full of
memories

his fingers dance across
my shoulder blades and down
my arm until they reach my
hands, where they trace patterns
on my palm

you're safe with me, i
swear, he says

                             and i believe him

i learned that sounds
travel faster through solids
than air, so press
your mouth to my skin,
tell me stories of the places
you were scared to have
been, i'll try my best to
understand, and with all that i am,
i will listen