For no reason
No reason at all
I have grown numb
To the world around me

No will to get up
In the early morning light
No care for those around me
But why, why be this way?

Nothing has happened
I've lost no one
Life is just a gray fog
The reasons behind it

Remain a mystery
But maybe that is why,
Nothing has happened
I'm at a stand still

Is it time for change?

i wish i hadn't been raised

the way i was

wish i would've been praised

instead of screamed at

or smacked



i wish the memories

weren't so painful

wish the pieces of me

weren't scattered

or that my heart wasn't torn and tattered



'cause maybe if i hadn't felt the pain so early

i wouldn't have thought it strange

that someone wanted to hold my hand, and surely

i would still be with you today.



and maybe it's true,

that i shoulda kissed you

and maybe it's true,

that i wish there was something i could do

and maybe it's true,

that i'm still in love with you,

all i know is that i miss you;

i really, really do.





i wish i could go back

to the moment i let you go

wish i could tell you that

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.



i wish i hadn't run away

from the thing i loved the most

wish i could hear you say

that i was beautiful, just one last time.

wish you were still mine.



'cause maybe if i had told you i was scared

because fear is all i've ever known,

you would have told me that you cared,

and that you'd never let me go.



and maybe it's true

that i should've kissed you

and maybe it's true

that i wish there was something i could do

and maybe it's true

that i'm still in love with you

all i know is that i miss you;

i really, really do.



every night when i lay down,

i swim in tears until i drown

because i did this to myself

i opened up this violent hell

and i can never go back

no, i can't go back



and maybe it's true

that i should've kissed you

and maybe it's true

that i've always been in love with you

but now there's nothing i can do

except miss you

i'm sorry that i have to miss you

because i left you

oh, i miss you.

the ice cream truck makes me very sad
because it reminds me of all the things i've lost--
childhood,
innocence,
endless summer,
and you,
my once-upon-a-darling.
and that rainbow snow cone with gum at the bottom
sits heavy in my chest.
not because i want you back,
but because i do not,
and i miss the girl
that would have.

Come on now, brother
you were raised so well,
you got everything you ever wanted
and as far as we could tell
you were going to go far
no one expects the worst
but sadly now, it's all we know
it's troublesome for all,
it feels like a curse

I know it must be harder than it seems
wanting something so badly,
nearly breaking at the seams
but it is up for you to decide whats important
this life is only all it means

You had all the friends you could've dreamed of
you were part of the cool crowd
I looked up to you
even when you and your friends were too loud
too loud quickly became too much
and pretty soon, we were out of touch
the sad part is neither of us made an effort to show we cared
and you needed me most, but I wasn't there

you went off to college
to become a better man
to make something of yourself
to be able to publicly stand
and say, "I am a college graduate,
the first in my family
look how far I've come everyone
my life is no longer in shambles"

you were always off of the rocker
you weren't fooling anyone
you came back home and it wasn't a shocker
you never could put those old habits down
your blue eyes glossy, always wearing that frown
your face broken out, covered in sweat
we tried and tried to tell you to give it a rest

we all love you,
and we want you to understand
we aren't trying to hurt you
just trying to have you land
this plane you've been on
way up high
it's been 8 years
come down, Stetson
it's time

You've spent too many minutes
with that gun in your mouth
You've been too close to death
I've seen it, I've lost count

Where is the brother I know and admire
I want you to tell the truth,
you've never been a good liar
I want to share more with you than just mundane talks
they don't mean anything, and
I wish you'd walk
away from this life and move on from the past
you're no longer the "cool guy"
you're better than that
you're smart and talented
and you're my brother,
I'll always have your back
I've seen you at your lowest,
these are things I'll never forget
but we all need to move on
rid of our regrets

Stetson, I love you,
I really do
but I want to hold on to more than these memories of you

I use to think in forms of poetry
Think of rhymes
Perfect lines
And what other poets might like
But being a poet
Is not about trying
Its about letting
The truth emerge
Letting everyone see the real you
Through the magic of words


*Set yourself free

everything narrows into a tunnel and
                       explodes.
whole body, buzzing.            the air vibrates like it can't decide
where
             to
                       sit.
what is breathing? what is thinking?
tickticktickticktick

they're all
dancing

it's too much.