Idle ambitions
And unattainable goals
Squandered by those
Who don’t even know

They don’t know where you’ve been
They’ll never know where you’ll go
They won’t give you a chance
To even show them your soul.
They can’t comprehend that
There is so much more
Behind those green eyes
In that mind of yours.

Anxieties raise
As they wander below
Unable to relax until
You are finally alone
Alone with your thoughts
And alone with your dreams
The ones you’ll never say
The ones you can never speak

**They don’t know where you’ve been
They’ll never know where you’ll go
They won’t give you a chance
To even show them your soul
They can’t comprehend that
There is so much more
Behind those green eyes
In that mind of yours.

As I caress her soft, gentle skin with my velvet touch, I start to see chills rise up.
Her knotted hair ties between my fingers.
I try to get a hold of her face, but with all of her twitching and moving, I lose grasp.
I look deep into her eyes, I see fear.
I can almost feel her nails digging into the skin on my back.
My hand over her mouth, she becomes silent. Her breathing has deceased.
All the lights become dim, the world stops moving.
With one blink of an eye, she's gone.

In my minds eye I see darkness
I see pain.
The forces around me
They surround me
They try to deprive me
I try to break free.

Their touch is killing
I feel like breathing
I feel like healing
negativity out there demeaning
Not to me, but to he and to she
who dare address me
so quick to judge we

They believe,
Oh yes! they believe….
with their words, they have the power
to cut like a dagger
through my soul
leaving an empty hole?
I dont think so!

A look in their lifes mirror
speak volumes of imperfections
Pretending to be holy
Hmmm! Aint that sum sht homie..

Depression sets in
Aggression manipulates me
She wants me angry, vengeful, hateful
I will not give in

They control my mind
grab me from behind
My soul feels caged
I need to break free
I need to be me

I cannot conform
Who needs a reform
The voices, they come around me
Asking me to clean my surroundings

I hate this place,
I feel misplaced
I shout through my veils of lace
I don’t feel like cleaning this sht hole
So shut your pie hole, you as*hole!

In my white walls I wish you could see
What it takes to really be me
Allow me make my mistakes
Allow me do what it takes
Allow me… even if I break

I’m close to the key
I need to break free
Free from this *******
Mental, Emotional, Physical
Yes, they surround me
I need to break free.

The sound of metal through the silence
It rings like keys
I need to break free
In my white walls you can’t understand me
It takes a lot to really be me

visit my official website: www.tonipayneonline.com
Follow me on Twitter @tonipayne
http://twitter.com/tonipayne

It's been quiet
The faucet dripping the echoing stillness
Of adverse mindset
Consumed by the withering sleeplessness that ails the student dragging dead feet strung out on dead wisdom
That is no longer implemented, applicable and moreover looked at as a crutch for those whom social status is less than hip
The area of mind confiscated by academics swells
Thudding the pulse drum rhythm of obsessive regurgitation
Were Kant spews forth followed by hinduistic dharma
Up chucking language theory
So is my disease so is my study

Where upon waking all I dream is to sleep
To get some **** rest away from all of the conflict messing processed dogma
But addictions have a way with coming back
And I'm all to experienced
A longtime loner
Swisher of ailments in the whiskey tumbler of existence
Fermenting on the brewing affliction that is life

I have these lucid dreams
of you that seem
to make me think
that theres a chance
for you and me,
I take a drink,
im scared to glance
in your direction
like a band, we're all fans of your affection
yet you stand above us all as we wave flags of our surrender

I can feel her slipping away, oh how I wish she would have stayed. This is the price I must pay, if I only wouldn't have been such a coward that day.

Oh I love her, this I now know, it's a crying shame that this realization came so slow. Now she's off with him in a different flow, and oh how that fact has laid me so low.

I'd say that indescion was my greatest flaw, I can confidently Say that I've broken no laws. Now this shame is my shawl, inside me this sickness crawls.

She humbled my pride, tore down my walls, now my conscious tans my hide, and from my throne of arrogance I fall.

Sometimes I ask myself "what if" but inside I know it be no different.  Inside me something shifts, if only I hadn't been so distant.

I wonder where it all went wrong, or that maybe it was meant to end like this all along.

To her I was a peasent, to me, she was divine. Although our relationship wasn't always pleasant, I'd give anything for just a little more time.

And now here I stand on the edge if this wall, like an Icarus posed to take a great fall. And all for the want of a mate, it really is a shame that people only care when it is far, far to late.

I stated what  has bothered me over time
always hear just do things right.
   it could have  been my blindness
or facing my dismiss

  some  poems i place  carried dust until i opened them
some still  trying to come up

but a blinded artist can not see the beauty he  can create
unless  he opens his eyes for just a speck of time.
nor can a  musician  play  if he can not hear  the melody he plays.
nor can a heart beat if it is closed to whats out side or the mind work  with all of its realm  to truely show whats inside.
   i am not always going to be right    as much as some has wanted me to be

  but i am a person who still beleives in creativity.
time does play a role  anguish and pain if allowed takes the stage
    i am a friend that truly cares but left  stuck in the background because of someone else..
  i am the starving artist  who has many times been told my work needs a gallery  so i give it away  to those  dear and close to me.
    and now i am just a distant memory.   so i
vent

2/10/2014

my appologies for the previous poem" why".  i have had mixed comments else where but really  look at it, thats what  alot of people see. it isnt about me or even you we are all different,  the biggest thing is  lets just get along. an no longer push people into a corner   or  push away because they dont do exactly the way you or i do. i lost many of friends on both sides of this .  my  biggest  part about who i am  is i  have a heart and i care , i would bend over backwards to help and  there are many who  know that to be fact. some  walked away  as if i did them wrong.   i started getting very frustrated and angry. i even put down my artwork for  a while ,   and really it never needed to be this way. so again sorry if i offended anyone i just needed to vent  
alan