I'm going to be the dirt
And maybe even the dust
That the passerbys walk all over
When the sun has set
And the smiles have settled
All will be reminiscent
Except me
The grime on the ground
For I have nothing to find nostalgic
No smile to love
No kiss to crave
And that utter terror
Of being left alone
While the crowds move along
Is what keeps my eyes open
When the sun is close to rising

I grab onto fire hydrants
Because they feel just like your heart
Completely untouched
Dusty and red

I stare up at the street lights
Because they look just like your eyes
Painfully blinding
Pale and vulnerable

I scream at the cars
Because they sound just like your words
Ridiculously loud
Rusty and metallic

I lick all the glass buildings
Because they taste just like your kiss
Chillingly artificial
Transparent and busy

I linger with the tradesman
Because they smell just like your tension
Deathly anxious
Uptight and stuffy

I tell her I'm fine
I tell him I'm great
I keep preaching love
While I reek of hate

I bought the best of materials
For this teary wet wall
The thickest facade
That I will never let fall

I decide weeks in advance
The emotions I will feel
It's hard to be sick
But it's harder to heal

I feel comfort in my decision
To lie to all around me
So I may continue to rot
So no one will stop me

I know all the steps
The steps one takes to remedy
But the plague in my blood
Has made me lose my memory

For now I'll be alive
Though I might not be living
And I'll cling onto my blight
And all that it is giving

And so, we’re trying
Trying to see
Giving it a year
For you and for me.

There are things that I love
And I love to see grow
Then returns that splinter
It won’t seem to go.

Your effort is gravity
It draws me near.
Commitment to trying—
music for heart and for ears.

You tell me my trauma
creates so much fear
creates inner dilemmas,
pulls me into its sphere.

So does this make my soul
Light and carefree?
Where am I trying to fit?
Inside you, inside me?

The loss of you
is everywhere
The reminders of your love
are too.

The coffee machine, the couch,
the roof and the shelving.
The things you gave, the help you offered.
The pieces of
heart generosity

My home is wrapped in them,
in reminders of you.

Alone she waits where waves won't sleep,
The sea her grave, the sky her keep.
For love, for hope, for what can't be,
Just bones adrift in memory.

No voice to cry, no soul to see,
Yet still she waits eternally.
Time turned her into bone and air,
But still she lingers, as if one cared.

The approach is fast,
The trickle slow.
Softly seeping down below.

A violent end.
A peace not past.
You, bending steel. Me, breaking glass.

What was dampened
Once, abruptly clears.
May fortune favour golden years.

A block of ice
Cannot endure.
At last, find footing firm and sure.

Now brilliant, shines
An endless sky.
Inspires distinction of truth from lie.

Elated! Joyful! Then dropped
A darkly veiled mask.
Ground is near, approaching fast.

Constricted
Restricted
Predicted
I Sigh
Addicted
conflicted
Resisted
a cry
Erase
Need space
Retrace
Still try
but why?!
Convicted
Depicted
Existed
A lie?
another good-bye?

Unspoken.
No token.

once broken
twice shy