There’s a magic that brings a world
hundreds of miles away
behind a pane of glass

In this glass,
I see her.
her adorable face,
her gorgeous eyes,
her irresistible lips,
her graceful hands,
feels so close
yet so out of reach.

Soon, through a different kind of magic,
I’ll be with her, without the magical glass.

with a bit of alcohol messing with my mind,
love flutters in this heart of mine.
at the other side of the phone's screen,
is someone I wish to be mine.

It’s been seven months,
and I have stood before the door of death,
cursing the heavens for I thought that
I could not bear life without her.

I wallowed in the pit of despair,
with every fragment of my being filled
with rage and sorrow,
I longed for the heaven I felt in her comfort.

I now realised that I was wrong.
I now know that I cannot love her into loving me and that to grieve her loss hurts me less
than to stay in this damnation of despair.

As the dawn breaks,
I can finally lift my pen once more
to write a new future
with a peaceful heart.

It feels like I've been endlessly cutting my wrist,
'cause of my negligence to tend to my wounds.
The very wounds that bleed these words and agony.

Now as my pride gives me immortality,
this brokeness is my eternal damnation,
an endless torture,
a neverending attempt for suicide
with no death.

And in death,
I’ll keep on screaming at Satan
until the moment he admits
that he was only keeping the seat warm
for me.

Sometimes to win a war,
one must douse his sword with poison.

The devil kept writing of the word of god
negating it
twisting it
finding his way out of the condemnation
of the deity's words.

Bit by bit the pitch-black ink
of his heavy dark pen,
glowed red with his wrath.

He felt alone.
He felt sorrow.
He felt fear.
All the while he was being engulfed by rage.

He just wanted to be held
to be accepted
to feel safe
to be loved.

His pride prevented him to think
that he might not be enough
that he does not deserve such kindness,
but deep inside
his dark and lonely soul,
he wishes for the woman he dearly loves.

I’m a terrible teacher,
or perhaps it’s a mismatch of student

I watch over from a distance,
seeing them heal and grow with proudness
in my eyes,
seeing them realise on their own
the things I failed to teach them
the messages I failed to get through
and the wisdom I failed to share.

It’s been a year,
the once magnificent dragon flame
still keeps me warm at night
it still burns in the embers of my soul.

It’s been a year,
there remains a gentle flame
that warms my heart
in the coldness of the night

It’s been a year,
But let me love you
once again
with all my might

To what extent can you say that you are friends?
Will you be able to sacrifice for them?
Give them time, effort, or even your life.
Will you be able to betray them?
For the depth of pain tells you how much you mean to them.
Will you be able to pledge your loyalty to them?
To be there, to love them unconditionally even when they are no longer there.

Heed these words of a broken soul,
one that loved truly and greatly,
who sacrificed, betrayed and pledged loyalty to his best friend.

Learn to love agony,
for life is full of it.
I have seen first hand what this life does to people.
It’s a lonely path.
Don’t make life lonelier than it has to be.

It seems hope is not enough,
to fill an empty heart,
when one is haunted by despair
from the start.

I like to think that I’m a king on a throne,
managing my kingdom of activities and projects.

Sometimes I’m a knight,
fighting ferociously against a dragon,
named paper work.

At times, I’m a ninja
slyly evading questions for recitation,
sneaking in a few minutes of sleep.

At the end of the day,
I kept my land at peace,
I have slain the dragon
And I have accomplished my mission.

I write to thee
a letter, a prose.
Of feeling and thought,
conveniently conveyed
by words on paper.

“Tu me manques”
You are missing from me.
You have become an essential part of me
an irreplaceable fragment of my being.
I am terrified to admit that
I long for your presence,
your comfort,
your empathy,
your being.
However, my burning desire
to be the person that makes you happy
to be the person that makes you feel loved
to be the person that keeps you safe is fading
but know that always, I’ll care.
And so whatever that I will be rebuilding
is due to the fact that I care
and I recognise your worth.
And that you’re a person not worth losing.

Took a while
was in denial when I first heard
that you moved on quicker than
I could've ever known you're still hurt
swear for a while I'd stare at the phone just to see your name
but if you would call
I won't really know what to say
I hate that I'm like this
when things don't go my way
I needed you to fix it
and somehow you did
but I didn't know you were still hurting

now suddenly you didn't want me back
said you wanted someone you deserve
don't claim I don't miss all that we had
said I don't really care how much it hurts
because I broke you first

now suddenly I'm longing for you back
i caused you pain that you did not deserve
i might never understand
but tell me why the **** this hurts?
when I broke you first.

I kept your goodbyes,
your knives hidden in words.

I keep reading
and staring at them.
Making sense
of what I received,
I might get it wrong
but you’re not here
anymore
to help me understand
what you meant.

I read them with a smile
knowing I grew in your absence,
I’m getting comfortable in my own skin,
hoping for a hello again
in the future.

Getting up with a sigh,
Reminiscent of the pain and joy
of what used to be,
Wandering to where
my next step should be

it's ironic for a devil
to speak of love

most especially when he's withering
in agony
asking,
"when will the suffering end?
I just want to be happy again"

I sat beside the river of styx
skipping stones
as I try to heal my broken wings

staring to the abyss of souls,
I asked myself,
"will I be able to get over her?"
"will I be able to unlove as she claims she did?"
"idiotic.", I thought.

reaching out to the heavens
to where she is,
"I'll never be able to stop loving you,
but I'll have to stop choosing you."
said a longing devil with
a sigh of agony and relief

I could build my empire,
rule the world,
conquer every quest.
But what’s the use?
Why?
What is it for?

My thoughts in scribbles,
I reach out to heaven
praying your name.

As the deafening silence
engulfed me at the very ground I stood,
My legion of demons stood with me,
and prayed to wish you are safe.
The light within me became angels that wish you happiness.

The hedgehog’s dilemma
Or the so called, lover’s paradox
states that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur
without substantial mutual harm.

Naturally humans are scared of getting hurt,
That they build walls
and defend themselves with pikes.
By the same logic,
hedgehogs curl up
defending themselves
with their spikes.

And this is where love plays its part.
You must go through their defences,
letting that barrier they made gently down,
and endure the battle wounds that awaits
as you too open yourself up
To be vulnerable for the people you love.

I’m not happy because you’re no longer in my life.
I’m happy because I know that I am healing and growing in your absence, and resting easy that I know that you’re working on yourself too.

To that little childlike romantic,

I pray that you never lose hope.
I pray that you always see the good in people.
I pray that you keep on loving.

You always have been a gentle soul,
you never lost your softness and light
even as the world caved in.

To be honest,
I kind of envied you
I envied you for how deeply you can trust
I envied you for how you could still love
I envied you for the hope you brightly carry
even after what we have been through.

I’m so sorry for making you cry
with all my fears,
mistakes,
worries,
and heartbreaks.
I’m sorry for making you suffer
from the consequences of my actions
And the backlashes of my brokenness.
I appreciate you for staying by me,
even as our thoughts spiralled at 2 am,
even as the world gave up on us.  

As I reach out to you with these words,
I hope that we can find balance,
for you are the goodness and
I am wickedness,
for a brighter future for the both of us.

And lastly,
I want you to remember that you’re good enough, and that you matter.

Sincerely,
The devil at the other side of the mirror

There are no true monsters
only people,
people that made
killers and thieves,
by showing them their shortcomings
instead of their capacity to be good.

It's those moments when I see you in bed,
with messy hair and sleepy eyes,
covered in sheets, cosying up in your soft pillows.

It's those mirror selfies,
seeing you so smile so shyly,
goofing off adorably.

It's the random photos of you that you send,
letting me know if you're bored, stressed,
brightening my day up

It's those moments when you just dress up
asking me which looks better,
urging me to dress up too

It's those time that we post couple outfits in IG
Getting creative with our stories
teasing each other with who did better

It's those moments when we FaceTime
while we work
while we cook and
simply when we do random stuff like art.

Are the times and moments I love sharing with you.

Embracing this devilish persona
quite suited me.
It wasn't because I was evil
merely unorthodox,
Seeing, knowing, understanding
things a person like me shouldn't.
Living by the dark triad
having power, riches and anonymity.

I was once omnipotent
having the world bending over my will.
I was once omnipresent
always there whenever someone dear needed.
I was once omniscient
always knowing how to help and what to do.

All of that was thrown away...
I tried to do good by your means...

and I liked it.
bit by bit you drew me to the light
learning to do things in the way you said was right

As I keep on going through this journey,
I just remembered that I was once..

your guardian devil.

The devil himself danced around,
spreading chaos and ruin with a smile,
but he fell in love,
and he knew destruction was bound.
Still he took the chance,
a chance to make her smile,
but his claws were too sharp
and wounded the girl,
So he did everything he could
to make up for it.
He cut his horns giving up everything he stood for,
ripped his wings ridding him of his demonic power,
softened his claws till his hands were as soft as a child’s
And he learned kindness, bit by bit as she taught him.
But none of it mattered,
he’s still the devil in her eyes,
A demon she cannot trust.

In the face of an infinite number
of horrible futures
I shall forge a bright one

It's a dark and empty night
nothingness filling the air
emptiness killing my light

it's heavy and suffocating
this nothingness weighing
down my heart that's barely beating

and once again, oblivion
caged in an empty castle of obsidian
longing for hope in my castle that's labyrinthian  

i now conclude that this solitude isn't peace
this still silence isn't calm
this is

Pandemonium

I am scared
scared to be abandoned
to be hurt,
yet I am here
risking all I have
To say
I love you.
To mean it,
And to make you feel loved every day.

I’m scared to wake up
knowing that
I no longer have value
to the most precious person to me,
To be deprived of everything important to me.
Yet here I am,
with all my courage
facing uncertainty
and
Loving you

Her chaos is a serenade.
Drawing me even closer
Making me fall a little deeper
A masterpiece only some appreciate
A melody only some admire.
She says it’s messy
but I still pay attention
to every position
of every single note
in every single line.

I wish to explore
Venice with you,
the floating city.

I wish us to ride afloat
the canals of memories
making some of our own.

I wish to walk with you
at night at the La Serenissima
Walking by churches and bridges alike.

I simply wish to be with you again
to go on adventures with my greatest adventure
to explore the queen of the adriatic with my queen.