I revisited you in my dreams
And you killed me again
Both of you held huge rifles
I held the flag of mercy,
Waved it frantically
Flashing white and red from your
Red lips
Hungry lips from a
Gaping hole down down
Down into my eternal
Abyss, you hold the chain that I hang from,
Swing me around
Tied at the thigh, crushing my crotch
Touching my crotch
Long spindly fingers as the chain.

These fingers cannot work a sewing machine,
And so we met in class
That was all that happened, you made
Eye contact
Smiled
Laughed
Killed, shot me in the head,
If only I returned the favour
Only that your ghost would be ever more present,
Hovering above my bed
With a gun against my head.

Turns out, she was
My madness. Oh well.
Back at the start, when it ended at
Midnight.

Opened the door, with a glass of
Rose champagne, rested against
The frame and stretched out
My hand.

Yearned for heavier rain, the dry
Era scorched my life, and it ended
On the first rainfall
Accompanied by my own downpour.

Atop a podium, ****, bearing
Everything
And an empty crowd, somehow
They know nothing of me.

One ear for the pillow
One ear for the storm
My feet clutch the rails
As one piece for the pawn

The leaves rustle
As the light slowly fades
Upon my chair a dream
So brutally laid

If not tonight
I shall never sleep
If not slain
Why would I weep?

One breath alive
One slice of my throat
My glass tips over
One drop becomes a moat.

I’ll listen to that sad song
Put on the appropriate face
Feel it
Pretend that my heart intertwined with the
words
Totally let it into my head
Then it’ll be mine
To feel when I’m not feeling at all
Even if it’s numbing
Even if it has malicious intent
It’s better than nothing
It’s better to feel the lines be drawn in my
mouth
Than to attempt to make your eyes into a
joyful slither
Only adapt when the song ends or
Switched to the next
Is the entire playlist morose?
Most likely

How do you provoke
Emotion
Without emoting any?

It’s like walking in the sky
The scale of which you can only see
From high above on that tiny ridge
Sacred of how free you may actually be.

What would happen if I threw myself off?
Slam against the rocks
Break my back?
Scramble down, rip my skin from the top.

There’s too much beauty
It’s wearing to uncover
Far too frail to actually traverse
Instead, pay your respects to it’s mother.

So, once soaring for the sun
Stay in the moment
Most of all, your skin
Shares the fortune of laying frozen.

There is a circle in the trees
Whilst I listen to music summoned. By
Nature
Accompanied by the wide open doors,
Letting the cool summer evening air
Embrace the malnourished insides of my
Home.
Soaring harmonies from Ms Welch
Provides the perfect mood for
Two moths to court each other
And seeing this it seems like the sky
Will never turn black. Stay the
Transcendent navy blue I
Grew up with
Ten years down the line I’ve never failed
In really loving this never ending
art.

When I think I'm with it I rarely am
Terrified of the consequence of sound
I myself am afraid of you
And I am afraid of myself
But still it hurts more
When alone
I hear my own blood flow
A lonely sound
But loud and abrasive
Continuous upside down
A boiling ***
Of contempt and ruin
Singles me out for selection
When you don't see me crawl
Down beneath the ground
Just know that I beg for affection.

Touch me but don't
Hurt me
I've been hurt so many times
So my skin resents me
Like a house on fire
I'll topple when you burn my beams.

When you grow older,
The fondest memory you have is of
Plucking her hair from her scalp.

And she appears in the mirror behind you,
Tying the straps to your wrist
To be gazed upon from the bed posts.

Just attempt to forget that incident,
Why it’ll only spoil things
When they can be so perfect.

She doesn’t appear in the dreams,
Just after
Just enough form to wrap around me.

I don’t understand the figures,
I pray they are not people I have seen
I shall see that face for days and days.

The figures want to get me,
They are spawns of her
And I know so for they terrify me and wake me.

As she arrives I shall know whether this is realm
Whether or not she is the director of my madness
Or wether or not she is my madness.

I am attracted to her darkness,
The opposite of a moth
Except for leaving a stain along the road.

Soft touch
Lamp glow
Vegetable blood
Running slowly for
In this moment, I have created all this.

Language is ruthless
So I’ll make it toothless
Do I sink or speak?
I’ll just drown myself meek, it’s sad
      I’ve created all of this.

I’m texting my friends
Wait, they’re not really friends
So I’ll just sit here be faithful, my father
said wait,
Yet this seems entirely wasteful

Now I’m getting furious
You’re taking this far too serious
Don’t jump from your window
You don’t know but the sky’s closed
The things that I have seen
Make me bleach myself clean
For our momentous multitude of sins,
You see,
In my moment,
           I have created all of this.

I’ve spent the last few years perfecting my
speech,
Learning to emote eloquently
Like leading the rapids through stones.

I refuse to feel without meaning;
The water doesn’t cut through without
force so
It doesn’t gush through at once
silently.

Yet I stumble over my words,
Tripping so I lose them forever,
Oh but I know they were words of
use.
But meaning isn’t something to pass on,

It is to transfer
An energy that has no form yet such
force.
Rising from the feet to envelop the
Curses from our mouths.

Like water, words can ****.
Pulling sailors under in such intense
ferocity,
Hammering down on their chests and
invading their hearts.

Talk softly
Otherwise wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Keep me from my bed
My sheets make me scream

Close the window
Quickly shut your blinds
Compare this to mine
It’s ever so kind

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free

And now I’ll let the light in
The neon glow
Punches through my glass
Please, let me stay
And finish how we dance below

Speak softly
Do not ever wake me
I wait for this moment
When you’ll set me free

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free.

Why, when happy, I cannot write?
My hand seizes up
As it runs on spite.

A limit of wrath
Has pumped it’s last breath
My heart is full, now it’s following my path.

Now I don’t even think
The wretches I have seen
So long burning fury, it’ll cause me to sink.

I won’t stay this way
I know it’ll be short lived
But I once I build a field
I’ll wait and I’ll survive.

I fell over hard this evening
Fell into the river and washed up upon the shore
Glaring at the sun through the water
It seems that I now know more than I did before

I wept in the middle of the field
And on the way home I exploded into a thousand tiny pieces
In my antique town we said goodbye,
Left you here, suspended in a time plastered with our faces.

You see me here,
We writhed around in sorrow
No we know the world isn't fair
Long before we face tomorrow

I bloomed in the field of despair
A brand new being, beaten but pointed towards the light
Or so I hope, how can I say this
When I don't know how to live without you?
Should we collide?

You see me here,
We writhed around in the field of despair
Where we bloomed,
Where our few blue birds sang of love and fear.

She was alive
And then she died
So sudden so quick so poised
So fast it was no longer you and her

Be still
And rest your head
The new morning failed you
And collapsed at our feet

No longer will you sit up
Belong to use forever more
We will keep you here forever
For as long as it takes to see you again
When it's our turn
When it's our turn to run for our lives

Snow fell this evening
The first one you weren't here to see,
To live through a child's eyes
An open armed life

It settled this morning
Well it froze over
It was you
You dazzled us in your fall
But disappeared when you hit the road

You'll come back
Every year in the cold
We'll take you back when you're old
And my mum will lay with you in gold.

When my mother told me you died
She was your best friend
It hurt like hell but softly faded
But the pain never ends

It strung us up in the summer
I can't feel pain right now
I see you in the cold rough sea
Being far from your pain as can be

She can't see you leave
She loves to know you're free

We love you as much as we can
So long my darling
Float in her heart not in heaven
I can tell you'll be here forever

She can't see you leave
She loves to know you're free
We love you for all time
My mom has known for all time
She'll love you for all her time.

I don't feel the love
It flies at speeds I can't take
It pays to watch it slip away
And dance under the deepest lake

So dive under my window
So raw and red and ruined
So restless in its might
Blocking my utmost mind

I can't take the love
It pumps too fast for me
For I'd rather be one with the trees
And dance naked for I'll be free

But friends would make me happy so
That would be nice to see
For my mother and my father's sake
I'll live my life for me

I'd live my life so fast and pure
I'd live my life for me
I'd love my life so fast and sure
I'd love my life for me.

I want to throw myself off a cliff
When I hear my mother's voice
Like a soft death
A dog death
That she comforts and hides in
Whispering tender nice things

Her voice is fur
It is soft and wriggly like a dormouse
Capable of entering every nick and cranny
Making a space it's own
Pummelling my senses  
It opens myself up to prickly situations

Sad times
Despite this blanket of sound
It attempts to heal our wounds
Cradling in a wrap around scarf of energy
And lifting her head up into your lap
You, quietly sing her to sleep
The last thing she will feel,
That voice, as described is a warm cloud
Bursting with despair
Gushing over into our home
Still, it is a kind of drowning.

Just a shame. My Father burnt a rodent,
And we have visitors in our home.
For once we probably shouldn’t elicit such
violence.

So far the dream has been tumultuous,
There has been no ******.
This time I think we should attack his psyche; erase the lines in the sky
have his enemy call.

Does he give the mind freewill and tear down the enemy,
Debating on his happiness as a whole.
The wind pipes suggest to leave it be but the kingdom encourages
Madness savagery.

The enemy awaits and is kind,
******* kind as a castaway.
The low brow suggests complete massacre of the mind
Though whose mind - he is not one to discriminate.

It’s so hot in here
My skin’s going to give up
I’m sick of the air
Food’ll **** me one day

In a disorder
I’ll find my friends
But I’m so tired
I might just make it the end

This isn’t paranoia
I’ve seen it with my eyes
The men will break us down
Eat and leave us covered in flies.

Two black plains
Hover above my slumber
Breath life into me
Tether me to the world

They’ll try to fetch me out
I’m far too in my home
Bound to my pillow
Too far gone to be dragged out

Come for me in a car
At my window I’ll jump
Bombard through the chains
Sail through my sky of night

Be gone every creature
That has wronged me so intensely
But welcome the new life
They feel they can know me.

I need you to scar with your most true hate,
                                                                       into my face.

I need you to carve flames fiercer than my regret,
                                                                       into my face.

I need you to produce gashes as figures of sincerity,
                                                                       into my face.

I need you to be afraid of my body -
                                                                       the deformities you caused to terrify you.

I need you to erase your being - to scatter your ruins,
                                                                       down my throat.

For future imitations,
                 I need you to be present.

For future imitations,
                 The true ones will scorn you.


The true ones will never get through,


You need to be held.
                  You need never be forgiven.

Pondered on a love letter
To my favourite season
And wondered how would it manifest,
In the cold, when I prey it’s freezing.

The precise nature of stringing the right words
Makes my skin sizzle
So I wait in the dark,
Look out the window, lovingly into the drizzle.

This is a love letter to orange light,
To the sharp, blade like breeze
A celebration pre ritual
For the day when the year leaves.

In the imminent weeks
The front facing windows shall turn brown
How elegant is their decay
The leaves experience, like us, their breakdown.

I love the death of everything
But I do not endeavour to appear sadistic.
It must be respected
And so I am joyful, but not altruistic.

These words write themselves
I could write them forever,
Scrawling in verse that would not change their mortality
Being as free as a bird, myself not ever.

Oh I love it so,
How do I begin to express my gratitude?
Maybe I should plunge myself into the soil
This’ll give me time to brood.

Give it time and it’ll be wonderful,
Lines that’ll be at one with nature
And I’ll return to my window,
Now able to view it as portraiture.

Crawling out of the ground,
The spirit was born where it’s misty and warm
She had the longest hair which, when on the ground, tangled
And begin to scream in a storm, thus was spun, Autumn.

Someday, there will be no
memory of my mother.

And the day shall
come, where there will be no memory of me.

Would they go, towards time
in space?

Should our memories rise
up, to join memories of ancestors past?

To be held in the air, to
sing amongst cousin, aunt, friend, priest,
memories of others.

The loose bed sheets is the chasm we
Hide in
Underneath the bed of the white river.

Cleaning the air we can now
Feel the wind in our hair

Beyond the fan is the man sitting on the
Chair
Delivering comforts with water

The pillars are made of my legs
I stretch and stretch until I tremble, until
The temple collapses and I

Have to face the day
With vigour and a lust for learning beyond
My castle dream of prisons.