Whether you find your own personal escape in
The alcohol you poison your body with,
The pills you lose your mind in,
The blade you lack control of,
The hope you’ll someday lose,
The person who will leave you soon,
We all have something that brings us a blind joy,
Something that allows us to find inner peace.
Allows us to escape the imprisoning thoughts that tears us down.
It all creates this world away from ourselves,
Helps make living with the thought of whatever is bothering us somewhat manageable.
But at the same time it destroys us in different ways.
We depend on it,
We suffer more without it,
We fall deeper and deeper into these salivations
We lose ourselves and who we are completely.
And yet we think its better to be fooled with these mind controlling substances of happiness
Than to just suffer day by day with reality

im sorry i cannot paint you extravagant pictures
because the beautiful things in my head
cannot be translated.

im sorry i cannot write you wonderful love letters
because  my mind races too fast when i think of you
i couldnt jot the thoughts down fast enough.

i cant do anything that would be worth your humor
but i can promise to stand by you for however long you need me to
i will be whatever you want need, girlfriend, friend, or gone with the wind
as long as you keep that beautiful smile on your face that warms me within.

These pills aren't going to fix me
They only bring a temporary bliss
Fake happiness I've been medicated to feel
Why would I want to be dependent on a drug to be happy?
I miss one day and suddenly the thoughts of suicide reoccur more vividly
I choose to just deal with the mess I've made of myself
Instead of being convinced this magic pill will take the thoughts away

Summer is so peaceful
it is the loudest season of them all
If you listen closely you can hear the wind wildly blowing through the fully bloomed trees
You can hear the birds conversating with each other so gracefully
they too long for summer for they can finally come home
the chatter of your neighbors as their family come to visit them
Summer is so  beautiful
Its a shame the days get shorter

Just talk to me
I want to know if you've been aching lately
Is there a void you've been trying to fill?
What's her name?
Have you been drinking to haze some pain?
Can I tell you about how I've been craving your warmth?
Summer is very nostalgic to me
The season of your embrace
Let's talk, I crave real conversation with you

Can we start over?
Can we become strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
And relearn the things we already know
And create new memories
And give each other another chance

I get high off the thought of you and crash when i realize you’re just a memory i still cling to

I missed you for a long time in too many ways
That it became just another part of me
Engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time.
I would wake up
stretch, breathe, and miss you.
They told me to let it go
To let you go
And I would say:
You cannot simply will your heart to stop beating
That no matter how long you hold your breath for
You cannot hold it forever
And i could only stop missing you
If I stopped being myself entirely.

You could tell me that the sky is red
And I just might believe you
Because with that voice
All my doubts were silenced.

We all know nothing solves insomnia
Like a nice warm glass of regret, depression, and self loathing.

To be forgotten by you
Would be worse than death

I've come to realize those feelings were not love
It was a 6 month attachment
To the late night conversations
Lingering hugs
And waves of your scent
The "I love you"'s
And "baby, I need you"'s
I just craved your affection
And fed off your passion
Love hungry and selfish
That's all I was to you.

I'm sorry I made you love me
And for the sake of your heart I would take it all back
Every word falsely spoken
Every kiss of poison I gave to you
Every last second of us I would take back
Instead of 6 months of wasted time

But how can I move on
When your fingerprints are still on my heart
And your voice still resonates down to my toes
and that smile still lives in my eyes
And every time my mind wanders it goes to you?

They'll tickle your spine with their fingers
Scrape their teeth against your neck
Whisper sweet nothings into your ear
Pinch your hips
Laugh in your face
And say
Baby, you didn't mean a thing.

You are the person
I'll never stop looking for
In a crowded place.

I want to kiss you
a deep kiss showing my passion is true

I like expressing my
feelings towards you
I dont know if you actually give a ****
And dont care if you do or not but thats how bad you got my heart

You are a novel that I crave to read
I want to memorize every page
Read you over and over again
In hopes that one day I can appear in your lovely story again

I have never met a person that could make me feel so empty
Yet so full of life all at once
And it scares me to think you are not a constant in my life
But I cannot get enough of you

Sadly, you are the sun
And I am the moon
We can never really be one.

It is a curse
To feel everything
So deeply

I put the cigarette to my lips
Inhaled deep
I felt the smoke invade my lungs
I knew it would **** me over time

I put the bottle to my lips
Poured it down my throat
I felt the alcohol settle in my empty stomach
I knew it would **** me without moderation

I craved to put your lips to mine
All worries put aside
To feel your hands intertwine in mine
This is killing me now

I lay in the grass
As the alcohol creeps on me
Completely gone from reality
Lost in the sky
Away from my mjnd
And yet,
You've still found a way to taunt me
Not so much you
but the memories of you and I
Once again I can't ******* escape
No matter how much I try
Or how many shots I consume
I'm wasted thinking about the past again
I can't run and I can't hide
Even when I'm lost in the sky.

I'm a little drunk  right now
drowned the butterflies you gave me with whiskey
the alcohol isn't numbing away my feelings towards you
Nothing left to do
besides drink until I have the courage
to tell you all the things that are past overdue
I'm drunk enough to blame it if you don't want me
And drunk enough to pretend I've forgoten in the morning

Its pathetic, really
Love, lust, longing and all
Allowing someone to invade your mind
Creeping into your soul
Every thought you have involving them
Those stupid butterflies and goofy grins
All for what?
Wasted time?
What's the point?
We aren't really sure in the end.
It was beautiful at first  
Until realization kicks in
The truth starts to hit.
Your name isn't  relevant to them
Yet the nostalgic feeling of what once was refuses to leave
You know you should let go
But that glimmer of hope that once day they will love you again keeps you dreaming.
So foolish.
Yet so addicting.

It's a strange thing to notice.
Youve known me for more than just awhile now but still know very little about me.  

You have not seen the inside of my mind
When the only thing that gives me the slightest satisfaction
Is the thought of the world without me.
But that would mean you'd be without me.
Well, I'd be without you..

Its just that
I'm a mess and I don't know how to fix myself.
Since meeting you I've began wishing for more time
Apposed to wanting less.

I fell asleep at 3:24am whispering things  only the sun knows now.
I told the man on the moon about you. I hope he's good at keeping secrets.

My eyes have just seen the littlest bit of the new day.
My lips just touched the morning cigarette.
My body barely functioning as I stretch away the night before.  
You hit me like a ton of bricks.
Your name and the past filled my head again.  
So early this time.
You didn't even give me a chance to fully grasp the daylight.

You begin to haunt me,
I can't seem to draw you out of my thoughts.  
You're trapped there.
The question is
Do I want you out?
Every time I gazed at the stars
I craved to gaze into those eyes
That make me feel alive.
Do I want to break free from this
curse you've set upon me?
I'm not ready to let go.
I don't think I'll  be ready.

I cannot find myself to believe that something can last forever.
If things were meant to last forever
My cigarette wouldn't burn out.
Our conversations wouldn't end.
Feelings would stay the same.
You would still love me like you claimed you once did.
And maybe I would have been blinded from the truth forever.

As a wave of nostalgia crashes upon the sea of depression,
It makes staying afloat harder.
The struggle starts to intensify,
Your breaths become shorter.
You start to drown,
All you see is red
As your wrists are kissing razors.
Your tears are a storm approaching,
Your thoughts are the lightening.
You have drowned completely.
You're too deep under to swim back to safety.
You can't breathe,
This is it.  
Its taken over you.  
The sea is now above your head,
Surrounding you.
There's no way to escape it.
It has control of you.

I've never be able to compose my thoughts or feelings before my eyes, but if I could I'd assume it'd go a little like this.  

Its the kind of thing that will leave you wide awake, unable to sleep at 12am.
Your voice.
It provoked a feeling of warmth.   With that voice, my deepest doubts were silenced.
You are a work of art.
Intriguing and unique.
I am infatuated,
With this masterpiece I see.

And again i lay in bed.
It seems I cannot drift to sleep.
Its been happening more lately.
Countless thoughts racing.
With a mind like a highway.  
Its 12:02am and I'm listening to songs that remind me of you.
Every lyric shoots Into me like a bullet with your name on it.

I've always noticed the way your face creased when you smiled so perfectly.
Wondering if I was ever the cause of it.  
My cheeks flushed when you looked at me
I knew that much.

There's something about you in those moments of subtle bliss
Your body is alive,
There's a light in your eyes
Something that makes me happy.

Its a weird sensation like this,
But its pretty awesome that we can feel this way about another human being.