I will dye my beloved brown hair blonde for you
Stand at the mirror -
I pour down the peroxide.
Knives grate my eyes and yet
they've never felt this alive
With my wild smile and
yellow hair. No longer a cub,
but a Lioness.

I will slit my wrists in the bath for you
In any case
these full veins will only take up space.
Fumes of pink against the ceramic varnish
I smile at the sight of your blood leaving me
and this bath has never felt so like home.

We lie there under the universe
Letting it consume us
You make me feel invincible
I even saw a shooting star

Your words pluck on my heart strings
Like birds playing on violin strings
And I let the world cave in on my chest
As I let out a deep breath

So when I looked across at you
After you made me feel this way
What I didn't expect to see
Was you looking to your right

At her.

Never have I loved
Nor have I owned
Never have I shared
I'm destined to be alone.

In all my years I've noticed
The smiles from my friends
Safe there in their arms
I watch from my safety lens.

So I put up my defences
Build up a brick wall
Without love in a life
It makes one feel so, so, small.

If life were an ocean,
you would be a whale,
and I would be glass.

I think of you
and I want to slide a blade across my veins

I think of you
and I want to stand atop buildings

I think of you
and I want to tie weights to my ankles and fall into a river

Maybe insanity and love
aren't so different after all.

The white washed walls
of my bedroom
are supposed to keep
the bad people out
but all it does
is make me feel
like they're crushing in on me from the outside.

Try too little,
and then get blamed.

Try too hard,
excuses in response are made.

The loneliness consumes me.