only in dreams
do i let myself feel happy
only in dreams
do i finally let loose
let my mind venture into depths unexplored
only in my dreams
do i say all of the pretty words
that irrelevant to reality
only in dreams
have i loved you
or at least let myself
because when i love in real life
it hurts

it's a lonely feeling
here with all of these people
none of them talking to me
none of them noticing me
all i am is nothing
here with all of these people
none watching as the tears fall from my eyes
none of them caring
as i worry away about things that i shouldn't care about
it's lonely here and it hurts
i wish it didn't
otherwise, it's not so bad
all of these people not bothered by me
it's not bad at all

I can understand
That it might be strange
To write of green eyes and their depth
When really I know nothing of it
I was lost in golden eyes
And pretty smiles
Admiring your face when you didn't notice
I never really saw, did I?
Kind of ironic

coping by not caring
by not eating anymore
taking away the things i need
like sleep and a peaceful mind
now everything around me is like a battlefield
a battlefield mind
and battlefield soul
and everything else is nothing
my aching stomach, just a side effect
my never-ending headache
well, it's always been there

soooo...
as much fun as it is
to break myself over and over again
I'll get extra critical
of the boy I want
making him no longer desirable
just about as much so as I am to him
soon I won't notice him
and I'll be able to ignore the texts
I'll make him so unworthy of everything that is me
and my chaotic being
sorry
I don't mean to
this is just my mind doing a poor job protecting me

what she must think of me
and my incessant texting
all of that stupid talking of a boy we both know loves only her
we talk about how there might be a chance
with me and him
but i think that he is so completely lovesick
he'll never have eyes for another girl
especially not one this dismal
with little lines rubbed raw on my ribcage
from trying to break these infernal chains
and heartbeats that are so weak
let's not forget about that loud mouth that never gets me anywhere but trouble
so maybe it's foolish to say this
and post it publicly
but oh well
we both know he'll never love me

you know that i can't miss the way it was
because we never were
nothing can be used in that way
that grouping "we"
i could never say that about you
all i was to you
was nothingness
a friend you needed to comfort
when all the words didn't get to her head
i obviously couldn't say the same about you
you were so much more to me than you could ever think
all of the words you said
all the warmth i felt in your skin
resonated in my head for weeks
there was no "us"
but i keep talking about it as if there was