Diary of the Damned

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

Crowded

So many reside in this chaotic mind
There is barely room for myself
So much of me sways towards the darkest of days
Seeking heaven
Finding naught but hell
Too many times
I find I’m missing the rhyme
For my reason is lost in despair
I wonder if I’ll ever be myself again

Poetic lines cannot bleed as my eyes
My words never fall as my tears
I’m losing my strength
Despite all I have tried
Nothing’s harder than battling fears
But maybe
In time
I’ll soon find that I’m fine
For the better, I’ve waited my share
Maybe one day
I will find my heart in peace again

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

Need

There are needs that feed my fire
There are needs that douse my flame
There are needs to need
And no need to need at all
Sometimes hoping more than needing
Sometimes begging more than wishing
Sometimes wishing not to have to beg at all
Trying hard to be my true self
Not the self I’ll never truly know
No stranger to the stranger I’ve become
Tired of feeling like I’m feeling
Never waking
Always dreaming
Far too many days spent wishing I were numb
I don’t mean to be so needy
But I don’t need to be alone
I don’t need to feel this sorrow every day
I don’t need to pour my heart out
But I’ve no need to bite my tongue
I need the one who’d wish to steal my heart away

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

A Matter of Perception

A person can be unworthy of another
because they refuse to be
who they need most themself to be,
just as another can be unworthy of someone
for the reasons they wish that someone
to be who they need them most to be.

A person can say they desire
a true, mutual love,
and yet,
turn away and deny someone
who shows them that they are desired
the way they desire to be,
just as another can show someone
a love unmutually true,
and be so blind in sorrow of rejection
to see the true, mutual love
beating for them in the heart of another.

We can say that we need someone,
but more often than not,
we are so focused on wanting a specific someone
that we overlook or ignore the right someone.

We build up the objects of our desire
to be who we believe they should be for us,
while we tear down those who desire us
for everything we truly are.

We drown in such sorrow
when our love for another proves unmutual,
yet we offer the desert to another
when showered with a love sincere and true.

Despite all of this,
we still wonder why
our hearts are always broken.

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

Between the Lines

My words are but pages
from a collection of unwritten novels.

My heart is an ever-expanding library,
dedicated to you.

You should come check it out sometime.

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

Lay My Broken Heart to Rest

Oh, how I wish that I could fall asleep
But sleep won’t come when loneliness prevails
Along with voices of the scars that run so deep
And memories too much like living hell
Trying to forget the past and all regret
But they scream their where although they’re dead and gone
The present, like the past, I wish I could forget
Lying here alone, the nights are just too long

This bed is far too empty, just as I feel inside
Despite so much that weighs upon my soul
My heart longs for a love that always proves denied
Each time I fool myself takes such a toll
My dreams become the nightmares in each unrestful hour
This broken heart just never seems to mend
‘Til hope that once sustained becomes the monster that devours
This love that burns within me will destroy me in the end

Won’t you come and lay my broken heart to rest?
I’ve tried a thousand times to no avail
I’m dying here alone
This is my last request
Prove to me that love can still prevail

I’m sitting here with just myself for company
Rewriting words I’ve said too many times
Still, they go unanswered as they echo back to me
In every word I bleed
In every line
Professing my emotion is my darkest curse
And yet, I find I’ve still so much to say
My silence or expression…
I don’t know which is worse
When these sleepless nights are much too long to make it go away

Won’t you come and lay my broken heart to rest?
I’ve tried a thousand times to no avail
I’m dying here alone
This is my last request
Prove to me that love can still prevail

Won’t you come and lay my broken heart to rest?
Speak the words I long to hear you say
I’m dying here alone
Please grant my last request
Prove to me that love will find a way

Poem/Lyrics
Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

A Fighting Heart

Such a torn, weary heart
Its own blood on its hands
Knowing which way it now must go
The battle’s been long
All did not go as planned
And the victory has yet to be won
For it’s so hard to flee
When you’re your own worst enemy
You’re weaknesses already known
It’s hard to be strong
When it’s by your own hand
You find yourself undone

Now a new fork in the road less traveled
Just as hard a choice as the last
Once again the decision:
To let it all go
Or continue reliving the past?
For though one ghost is laid to rest
Still others remain
Screaming on
Denying request
For one moment of rest
Some days, it’s so hard to move on

But, the war carries on
The new battle so long
The heart wonders, “Will this stand be my last?
Has it all been in vain
To now find myself slain
‘Fore this dream I have fought for comes true?”
With weapon still drawn
Its resolve almost gone
Deeming failure won’t be its repast
It thrusts through the heart of its self
Weak, yet strong
Winning naught but the battle anew

Yet, time and again
Both in loss and in win
The heart finds strength deeper within
‘Til it meets its last breath
With all strength it has left
It will war with its self once again
For it would rather die fighting
Than to fight not at all
Even if all is lost therein
Despite heartache’s disease
My heart longs to be free
In anothers true love 'til the end

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2

Diary of the Damned Feb 2017

Wholly Broken

My heart is tired of holding on
To things that cannot be
These broken dreams I’ve long held to
Bring only misery
My hope has been my downfall
My persistence, my demise
‘Til I find the self I once knew
Now no longer recognized

No stranger to such heartache
Yet, a stranger I’ve become
I’ve battled so long with my mind
It’s left me quite undone
The strength I once possessed
Has left me weak and paralyzed
Afraid to try for anything
Myself I now despise

I fall in love too deeply
Such has now become a curse
Consumed by hellish loneliness
Reflected in each verse
In all the love I have to give
I’ve none to give myself
A self-condemning irony
Both in and of itself

Yet, even in my downfall
How my heart desires to fly
To rise above my sufferance
To find the strength to try
But sometimes letting go
Is just as hard as holding on
When both see fit to break my heart
In sleepless nights so long

Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2