Why is it that we hold so fiercely in both mind and heart to someone who does not fight for us in action, heart, and emotion as we do for them, when there is someone who would fight just as hard for us as we would for them?

Why do we continue  to bleed every word of our love and emotion to someone who says almost nothing in return, leaving us to bleed out in such sorrow, when there is someone who would speak the words which would sustain our heart as our words would sustain theirs through both sorrow and joy?

Why do we continue to hold to someone who does not hold to us at all, or to someone who only holds to the pieces of us they deem worthy while rejecting or trying to change the rest to suit their own version of perfection, when there is someone longing to embrace us as the perfect imperfection we are?

Why do we continue to embrace someone who makes us feel we are not worthy of true, mutual love, despite the love we still hold for them, when there is someone standing before us who desires to love us the very way we both long for love to be?

Why, after every failed attempt with someone, and the desire to try with another, do our hearts still war so violently between knowing when to walk away and when to try just one more time?

Which is the truest measure of our hearts’ insanity…refusing to let go of someone whose love for us has proven repeatedly to be unmutual in the way our hearts desire and long for, or refusing to embrace someone who longs to mutually love us, and to be loved by us, in all of the ways we’ve long been dreaming, wishing, and hoping true love could be?

His blood was that of both heroes and villains
His mind, of both the mad and sane
A heart of war and peace within
And a soul all sides did seek to claim
A lover
A hater
A friend
A foe
Locked in a battle between sorrow and joy
Both winning and losing
Free and enslaved
Seeking but to rebuild all which he has destroyed

when we say we wish we could find
someone who will treat us a certain way

who will do a certain thing
at a certain time
or some random thing
at any random time

who will word things just so
or in a way no one else ever has

who will show
affection
passion
tenderness
that melts our heart

or the touch of wild insanity
igniting that secret fire within

someone to treat us
and love us
the way we’ve always wished to be loved

or any other way we say
we wish for someone to be

we often fail to say that
although we are looking for someone

we are not just looking for anyone

we are looking for that specific someone

which really confuses the hell out of
everyone who are each the very ones
who show and are such wishfully said things
to and for those
who speak the longings
of their own heart’s desire

and of this
I have danced
and died
on both sides of the contradiction

do not take offense when those
who say they are looking
for someone like you
pass you by
without a thought
or say that the feeling just isn’t mutual

there is a difference between
someone like you
and exactly you

it may hurt you

it may devastate you

it may tear you to so many minuscule shreds
that you feel there is nothing left of you
when the winds of change return

whether such is said or done
in all respect and sincerity
or delivered on sharpened tongue
dipped in the poison of cruel heartbreak
what they are really saying is
they will not dishonor you
or themselves
by giving you an incomplete and one sided love
the likes of which they can never equally return
as you both deserve love to be

yes
it is hell when you are not the desire
of your heart’s desire

it is a worse hell though
by far
to be with someone
when love is not completely
and truly mutual

we all have a certain dream
that will reject us to find a love
beyond what they
themselves
ever dreamed love could be

this is not an insult to us

this simply means that we
ourselves
will also one day find
a true
mutual love
beyond anything
and anyone
we ever dreamed love could be