I stand before the mirror and look at my self.
He seems no different from me.
But within the reflection, not deeply therein,
Lies something I don't want to see.
I've tried to conceal it, but it can't be contained,
Or hidden behind a false smile.
No matter the effort and masks I've applied,
The sinner shines through all the while.
I've tried persuading, I have tried forcing,
And I've tried ignoring him out.
My self has evaded my every attempt,
Ahead one step every route...but one.

All of this time I've been fighting alone
When You have been here by my side.
Though I've been battling my self for so long,
Without You, the victory is not mine.
I ask You now, Lord, take my self away,
And help me to be more like You.
I cry out, oh Lord, take my self away,
Until there is only You.

We separate ourselves with broken walls and unlocked doors
And sell ourselves the lie that we have kept the world at bay
All from our shadowed corners of misery
We bleed the names of enemies upon the shallow floor
And say that they’re to blame for all the things we never say
Falling so much further into agony
Oh, the masks we wear
Looking through hollow eyes
Painted on expressions
Held on with bitter strings
None of us will dare
To cut these shallow ties
And cure our own infections
To end this suffering

We open up our hearts and let world come dancing in
Revolving hand in hand across the broken, shallow floor
Knowing where this hopelessness will lead
Trying much in vain to live a normal life again
Always so dismayed to find it harder to live for
The very things in life that we all need
Oh, the cross we bear
Hear the strangled cries
A chorus of intentions
Enslaved by wondering
Punishment we share
In chains of our own lies
Losing our direction
‘Til none of us are free

We can’t deny our failures
We can’t deny our faults
We can’t deny the person we’ve become
Despite the cost
We can’t deny the reasons
Why we deny the truth
We can’t deny the hopelessness
And pain that we induce

We chase the ghosts of memories throughout the shadowed hall
Breaking down the doors to every lie we’ve locked away
Even now refusing to see
The enemies we bled were never enemies at all
We let them hold us captive with the words we let decay
The essence of the truths we once believed
Oh, the way we stare
Into our hollow eyes
Twisting our reflections
With what should never be
Until the day we dare
To cut these shallow ties
We’ll burn in the infection
Of our self-induced disease

A window that is no window at all
Shows a vague view of my soul.
Coated with grime of misfortune and time,
It does not dilute what is shown.
Such evils I've done, and deeds I recall
All take a murderous toll.
The after effects of my ways and my crimes
Leave alien landscapes, unknown.
There is a door that is not a door
Which opens on nothing and everything.
There is a key that is not a key
That unlocks, but never obeys.
Oh, such a chore to tread the dirt floor,
And not disturb dust of remembering
The days we were free, now imprisoned, you see,
In a cell of our ignorant ways.
There is a mind long hidden behind
This door that is not a door.
A whisper in time, and a shadow of doubt
Locked away in a trunk of denial.
But there, in a mirror of cobwebs, we find
Like always and never before,
That life limps along, and Death gives a shout,
As all of our thoughts go on trial.
In fist is this key, which is not a key,
Screaming to ruin my life.
To go forth and unlock all things now confined
And drown me in things that once were.
I now see that freedom does not make you free
When yourself you imprison in strife.
The voices are never far gone from my mind,
As tragedy begs to occur.
I fear to discard this key not a key,
For it may find another's hand
Whose curiosities for morbid restraint
May exceed those of my will to change.
The door not a door will be opened in me,
The trunk split apart on command.
Regardless of effort, and numb to complaint,
A return to the prisoner, deranged.
So madness, you see, resides within me
Behind the door not a door.
Madness remains beyond cold shell, as well,
Forged by the key not a key.
Forced to be keeper of insanity
By my hand and others before,
By my hand or another, I walk through this hell.
One price or another, I'll never be free.

Holding on to everything
Crumbling to dust in my hands
There was never anything
That made me whole, and I understand
Although the things I’ve given
Have not been lost in vain
It was never meant for me
To live without this pain
Nothing that I’ve taken
Will I ever give away
These miseries I’ve stolen
Will go with me when I fade

My gifts aren’t what I’ve given
But what I take away
I filled the emptiness inside
By drinking in your pain
Taking on your sorrow
Giving laughter in return
I’ve suffered under veils of smiles
And bled your tears in turn
I’ve saved you from these things that ****
I’ve sometimes left you numb
If nothing else, to save you
So that you will not succumb

This pain is like an anchor
It only pulls you down
And the undertow of agony
Will drag you from the shore
I couldn’t say I love you
If I stood and watched you drown
Knowing I could save you
From the fate you had in store

Never think I hated you
For what I have confessed
I was always happiest
When I knew you suffered less
Know it was my choice
To draw your pain into my core
The only thing that pains me
Is I couldn’t help you more
For my own private demons
They still scar me to this day
There was never anyone
To take my pain away
But I have learned to suffer
Finding heaven in this hell
Knowing I could keep you
From the darkness where I dwell

To be the one to sit inside
This unlocked cell of suffering
Choking on the ashes
Of memories that scream
Failing every day
To be the one who is recovering
From agonies I’ve stolen
So your sanity could breathe
Saving you has saved me
From the madness that entombs me
Helping me to battle
Through the darkest of my days
I just hope that when this life
Finally consumes me
That you’ll be happy for me
As they carry me away