Beyond the exoskeleton of labels and cliches
Resides a room without a door in the fabric of decay
Within the ragged corridors of self-loathing and fear
Where the person that we never want to be is drawing near
With every lie we tell ourselves and every step we fake
With every time we sell ourselves for less than what's at stake
Each time we find our future is the past we left behind
Each time we find a minute's peace has cost us peace of mind
The times the living disease becomes the disase of the living
The times we find that taking becomes easier than giving
When we find that serving self becomes the same as serving time
When we ****** someone's trust and truly cannot see the crime
Each time we find our highs can be the lowest points of all
Each time we're not quite home without our backs against the wall
When smiling and laughter are the maddest times of all
When the calm before the storm becomes the walk before the crawl
The person that we never want to be begins to dwell
In the room without a door in our mental labrynth cell
Dragging ragged fingernails across the coffin walls
Slowly breaking free from deep within the one who falls
The battle thus ensues between what is and what's to be
The tortured and the ******, both demanding to be free
Both manipulating and invading at each turn
Such hell as now both sanity and soul begin to burn
And from the silent corner, watching all without a word
Chaotically and sweetly biding time, there comes a third
Eagerly awaiting as each tears the other down
Clutching for the purchase which will cause the soul to drown
Dominating all the rotting conscious have become
The destroyer, come to permenantly bleed out beyond numb
To the victor go the spoils of the spoiled, weary heart
In this dance of such a red, chaotic schizophrenic art
To honor, shame, or tragedy...where will your last breath lead
It all depends upon which dying fire you choose to feed

I took a walk to the edge of the waters
To gaze at what waits beyond the tide
As to catch but a glimmer, if nothing more sacred
Just a sliver of future and the answers it hides
But a whisper of promise adrift on the breeze
Calming storms that bring with them a raging of tears
But, the rain clouds still form as my troubles increase
And the waves wave goodbye to the hope I held dear
Just as if they were certain that in crashing that way
They could drown out my spirit and drag me to sea
And then drag me through fathoms of darkest abyss
As to tear me away from the dreams yet to dream
But, they just cannot see all the treasures they offer
As they each run away, leaving gifts in the sand
How a shell, now so empty, still has beauty to shine
In the eyes filled with sorrow that so well understand
What it is to be hollow; what it is to be drowned
What it is to be swallowed and spit out again
Then continue to shine when the waves have receded
In the knowledge that every storm has an end

We are each of us entwined
In our hearts and in our minds
But we're broken, and we're battered
And we're shattered, and we're torn
We don't know just what we're saying
Til the memories start replaying
And we see what truly mattered
And what we were fighting for
The second hand keeps taking
Little pieces in our waking
As the dreamer that now screams inside
Cries out for something more
And our hearts keep on repeating
Throughout all bent on defeating
Both the strength and sanity we find
When we feel there is no more
The smiles keep returning
Through the lessons we are learning
For our memories still bring laughter
Just the same as they bring tears
This journey we have taken
Both forgiven and forsaken
Will soon be forever after
Be it days or weeks or years
So no matter what was done
With every battle left unwon
We're still here, and we're still standing
Even when we feel we're lost
Every love that left us bleeding
Every fear we kept on feeding
Every last misunderstanding
All gave more than what they cost
For the knowledge we can gain
From every single ounce of pain
Shapes the way we see tomorrow
And everything that we hold dear
Even when we're far apart
We're forever heart to heart
Be it smiles or be it sorrow
In my heart, you're always near

I’m numb to my reflection
For I cannot see the face
Of the man that I once knew so long ago
I’ve used up my transgressions
Finding laughter in their place
As I stumble down this path so few will go
A slave to good intention
I’ve so often been disgraced
Both in saying and containing how I feel
But with lyrical invention
All my demons are displaced
Reality’s a lie…my dreams are real
In wording and in phrasing
I can take the bitter truth
And the depth of my emotion finds its voice
I do not mind erasing
So the words will ring out true
For I am the author of my fate of choice
It’s history I’m making
Even if it’s mine alone
And I’ve learned more from myself than I can share
But there is no mistaking
When it comes to what I’ve shown
I’ve already done much more than most will dare
I dare not take for granted
Any laugh or any smile
Or any tear that may befall my weary eyes
Every moment is enchanted
Both the pleasant and the vile
The knowledge of it all leaves no surprise
To some, it may seem silly
Such a waste of time, I know
But to others, it may help to light the way
The message I’m instilling
In each plain or rhythmic flow
Truly helped me find myself along the way
For there, in my reflection
Waits the man I used to know
Aware of everything I need to say
Upon further inspection
I can see that I have grown
Not just older, but now wiser every day
These pains that I have conquered
Every battle lost and won
Need not be for me to journey through alone
For together, we are stronger
And we’ve scarcely now begun
As we blindly feel our way through the unknown

This world can be either a heaven or a hell. What defines it for each of us is whether we allow the fire to devour us, or use it to light our way.

How many times, and in how many ways
Will the pain keep returning and beg me to stay?
Is it all just a wish that I hope will come true,
Or have I been but hoping that you’re wishing, too?
Every tear that I hide, and each smile that I fake
When I feel I don’t know how much more I can take
Are but shards of the dreams that I thought would come true
As they work their way out to make room for the new
And I keep to myself all this pain that now rests
In what feels like a hole now devouring my chest
Though I feel like I’m dying, it helps me to thrive
For if not for the pain, how could I feel alive?
It’s what drives me to keep going on every day
Through the cold, lonely nights when I can’t find my way
And it helps me to feel when I can’t feel at all
Giving strength to my weakness and flight to my fall
But one day it will go, for it won’t have a choice
And my demons will flee as my angels rejoice
When the one who will cherish and never forsake
Will fight all to be with me, whatever it takes

There grows an idea, but dare I acknowledge?
Or will it slip by like each time come before?
I once was so strong, but it seems I've forgotten
Abandoning all that I've been fighting for
My honesty bleeds to the tune of redemption
But somehow the lies still disguise what I know
I’m secretly plotting out my own deception
For I can’t hold on ‘til I learn to let go

Tarry, not I, in all hope as I’m groping
For one final thread as it whispers goodbye
I torture myself, and then say that I’m coping
Expecting much more than I ever deny
I hold myself back, unaware that I’m choking
While fashioning chains, both of tears and of smiles
Aware of the sufferance I am provoking
So blind to the joy I've pursued all the while

Nothing to gain ever comes without losing
But I've lost so much nearly nothing remains
I wonder so often, and find it confusing
How long must I wait ‘til I feel more than pain?
All of this time, I’m defeating the lesson
Repeating the questions again and again
Losing myself in my self-wrought depressions
As each time I tell myself, “Never again…”

The voices compete for control of my actions
Conflicting all knowledge; disturbing my calm
There is no retreat…I hang on by a fraction
Despite knowing I do not want this at all
Rage and frustration of my own creation
Explode past my lips in the form of a scream
As I now let go of my self-condemnation
And take back the power to follow my dream