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Coming undone
Wish I were numb to this
All that I tasted
Was borrowed and wasted
I've had enough
I won't succumb to this
I can't erase this
But I won't forsake this
It's hard to hold on with two hands
Though I want to
There's no satisfaction
In staying my actions
Defied by my own circumstances
I hold true
To whatever's best
Both for me, and the rest
Sometimes, it's like dying
Despite how I'm trying
When wind doesn't blow
And rivers won't flow
Though I'm not denying
My heart keeps reminding
With words that can't show
How the feeling still grows
Both the smiles and the laughter
Will linger hereafter
Along with the tears
All the sorrows, and fears
I hope the next chapter
Won't be a disaster...
I won't know 'til you tell me goodbye
Why do we think we could ever contain this?
We have carried it inside for far too long
All that I know is that I cannot shake this
I bury it down and it drags me along
The words and their meanings still echo with laughter
Each tear on my face sweetly drowning a smile
Each moment in time slips away ever after
Eternally haunting us all all the while
In learning to fly and then learning to crawl
Do we dare to rise up and to fly once again?
Or do we but wear masks that conceal our emotions
Painting on smiles while our hearts never mend?
How can we give up our smiles and triumphs
For sorrows we hold to again and again?
We should fight through all hell for the memories we’ll treasure
For angels, as demons, all will fight ‘til the end
“At last…”
The chaos sweetly sings.
Such melody befalls mine ears,
Entwining with hopes long forgotten,
Imbibing withered dreams to life,
Calming calamity, and thriving the storm…
Thrusting me without warning into understanding.
The rush, both startling and soothing.
The vision inhales, and holds its breath,
Forcing it to the very core...
And finally exhales the vapor of imaginary limits.

The smoke rises

The fire grows

Shadows deepen

The night whispers

Silence screams

The battle has begun…
I see myself where I want to be
Then open my eyes to find myself here
Held captive by everything that should save me
And somehow set free by the things that I fear
Asleep in the hours the sun should sustain me
Awake in the hours the moonlight should claim
Never to know which will rise and forsake me
Never to know which to thank or to blame
The harder I try, the more sleep escapes me
To try not all renders slumber undone
I sleep when I wake, and awaken in sleeping
Rest never comes even when it is won
Oh, the ringing in my ears
When silence comes, and I can’t hear
The emptiness desired in my argumental mind
For it is not the confusion in any given moment
But that of the negative and the positive
Stretched out over such unendingly short moments
Compounded together in knowledge I often fail to see
Accepted and treasured in this slumbering wake
Some days wishing it to end
Some days daring it to continue
Silently screaming as it tortures me
Smiling as it sustains and strengthens me
Waiting for the night to come
Waiting for the night to end
The sun, both a blessing and a curse
The moon, both enemy and friend
A tug of war between chaos and calm
In each I drown
And without either one, I suffocate
Neither one alone brings true peace
How I wish for simplicity
And long for complication
Never seeming quite satisfied with either
Even on days when I feel like I’m dying
I have never felt so alive
Therein lies my madness
Therein lies my sanity
All the things that I've never had
Are all of the things that have had at me
My wishes of the things I love
Become phantasmic memory
As this new feeling burns inside
Close akin to travesty
My mind returns to seize the day
When heaven came to bury me
I watch tomorrow's yesterday
Slipping slyly through the glass
Contaminating leagues of failures
Bringing such new pain to pass
And each new day now slips away
Becoming weeks and months and years
And storms begin to brew and rage
Behind this veil of bitter tears
There I find myself outside
Peering into my dark mind
Wasted days now tapestries
Binding, dragging me behind
I realize this fiendish hourglass
Has become my true existence
Happiness slips into sorrow
Finds not one grain of resistance
How is it I've come to be
The epitome of wasted days
Buried beneath happiness
Reigning in this clouded haze
If I could only flip the glass
And watch my sorrows drain away
Becoming joy instead of pain
Creating brighter yesterdays
Maybe storms would cease to rage
And time would cease to have its way
And I could rise from my demise
Instead of just slipping away
Slow creeping castles in mind intertwine
With memories bled deeply with pain
Chaotic structures, foundations of fear
And lives of a dark crimson stain
Slivered intentions ****** deeply within
Black fingers which clutch death like gold
Breeding disfigured delusions of life
In a worm-ridden heart love can't hold
Distorted figures of flesh and of shadow
Vehemently spawning delusion
Embedded far within failure-worn skin
With morbid intent the intrusion
Tragedies breeding disease and a hunger
Consuming a weak self-control
Raging insanity, loss of humanity
Ravenous Thiever of Souls

   **

Dust of a shadowed and well hidden ignorance
Envelopes discarded hope
Enhancing the feelings of failure and worthlessness
Of the lost soul who can't cope
More of the lessoning of love for life
Less of a reason for living
Imprisoned inside a one-sided world
Oppressor of self, unforgiving
So few the caring, supporting, and loving
Too many workers of pain
Within his mind, now void of forgiveness
Only one option remains
So few would mourn, so many rejoice
One bullet could cure this disease
Misguided hand holding cold false deliverance
Moves toward disaster with ease

Trembling fingers now pushing destruction
Begin to draw false freedom nigh
Conscience is screaming, imprisoned by hopelessness
Drown out by suicide's lie
The kiss of cold steel, and death gives a whisper
As barrel is pressed against skin
The moment forgotten as soul-piercing words
Explode far more near than within
"Such a loss you endure.  Such sorrow and pain.
Such a fool to think death sets you free."
Now a figure before, a shadow with substance
Dark whisper upon bended knee
Somewhat from fear, somewhat from awe,
Somewhat from thought hypnotized
The gun falls away, along with intentions
In company of undead eyes

Darkness leans closer, distorting a smile
Veiling intent with concern
Stretching it's hand toward the vacant young man
Saying, "Come.  There are things you should learn."
Contact is made, and light is betrayed,
As both fall down into the gloom
The young man awakens to heartless abandon
To learn of revenge in his tomb
"Your pain can end by ending the source,
And multiple sources there are.
Each individual judging your life
Leaves on your soul a new scar.
Erase every scar, and restore who you are
By sending their souls here to me.
Ask not what I do, and my promise to you
Is revenge will soon set you free."

Of all of the thoughts now inside his head
The victor is "ending the pain"
Tired of being the subject of scorn
Tired of going insane
"**** them all.  Yes.  And, why not?" he concludes
"They've been killing me for years.
An end to the torment, an end to the pain,
An end to all of the tears."
Gaze fixed on eyes alive with death
Eager for cold recompense
The young man sells his soul with, "I will."
Darkness smiles.  "Let us commence."
A savage young man, now barely a man
Arises to set himself free
Not knowing he's fashioning his personal cell
With Darkness now holding the key

Cover of night and a murderous silence
Welcome the newborn disease
Un-natural sight on this victory night
Grants the new killer great ease
Now there is flight, cut loose from earth's ties
To soar into vengeance untold
And a hunger for more than was bargained for
As morbid desires unfold
All taken in with more pleasure than fear
More weapons with which to wage war
First there was only the goal to take life
Now there is drunkenly more
"They will endure much more physical pain
Than that which they carved on my soul."
And madness begins as delusion abounds
In the Slave to the Thiever of Souls

To the first window, the first scar of pain
Laid out on a bed of fine white
The falsified *****, who pretends to adore him
While taking new lovers each night
A trick of the fist, and a flick of the wrist
And teeth burrow into the flow
The life that once thrived on the tainting of lives
Now lost in irony's throw
As the well runneth dry, the Slave gives a cry
As the torture intended is lost
Yet the hunger now maddeningly cries from inside
To be silenced whatever the cost
Turning away as emptiness grows
More wicked than torture's regret
Vowing the next will experience pain
Before their life's blood has been let

The next pair of scars, so distinct under stars
Together, as in his despair
The father and mother of what he once was
For him they had never been there
"Break them apart in each other's view,
Then hang them with their own entrails."
But ravenous hunger devours the thought
As self-treachery is unveiled
Before realization of torture now lost
Has time to fully set in
The two have been drained, their life now contained
In the ravenous nothing within
The Slave is consumed by rage beyond end
As the hunger continues to grow
Revenge now a second to the matter at hand
A trip to the Darkness below

"What have you done to me, you sick ****?"
A smile.  "Does it not satisfy?
An end to the pain that you felt was the deal.
In return are the souls you supply."
"The pain of my scars is drown out by far
By this hunger consuming my need.
I need to torment each one before death,
You *******!  Why do I only feed?"
"By feeding, my Slave, you harvest the souls
You promised me in our deal.
Never was torture a part of the bargain.
Go forth.  There are more souls to steal."
"And once I have taken these souls you request,
Is that when you set me free?"
"As long as you live, someone will cause you pain.
You will always be Slave unto me."

Blazing insanity blooms in a rage
As hatred begins to stain
"The soul of anyone, then, can be taken
If they are causing me pain?"
A smile, formed of misunderstanding
Now spreads across the dark face
"That is the deal, my Slave.  Just as long
As you bring the soul back to this place."
"But what of your soul, you ignorant ****?"
The smile now beginning to fade.
"I bet devouring your soul voids it all…
This ****** deal I have made."
A pause, "Yes Slave, my soul ends it all.
But freedom, you see, has its price.
You may be free of the deal we have made,
But you will never escape the device."

Locked in a gaze of thought and intent
The Slave and Thiever of Souls
Understanding, and the lack thereof
Threaten the grip of control
"To be a slave and be forced to feed,
Or feed after I've had my fun.
If those are the only two choices I have,
It's sure as hell not the first one."
The Thiever of Souls and the Slave then collide
With weapon of claw and of tooth
The Thiever now still, so quickly brought down
And the Slave, realizing the truth
As the soul of the Thiever and all those therein
Merge with the scars on his own
The voices now present inside his dark mind
Bring darker truths to be shown

"Slave, you have played the game out as we hoped,"
Sang the morbid chorus of loss.
"Each one of us were the victim before,
And won, to find losing the cost.
Would have been better to pull the ****** trigger
Than take up the offer, you see.
No longer the Slave, but the Thiever of Souls.
Prisoner, you've set us all free.
Enjoy your new hell, and suffer for us,
As we will suffer no more.
But, just as promised, at least this new pain
Will drown out the scars of before.
Your life is now eternal death,
And eternally you will feed.
This is the price you're condemned to pay
For your selfish, vengeful greed."

         **

Slow creeping castles in mind intertwine
With memories bled deeply with pain
Chaotic structures, foundations of fear
And lives of a dark crimson stain
Slivered intentions ****** deeply within
Black fingers which clutch death like gold
Breeding disfigured delusions of life
In a worm-ridden heart love can't hold
Distorted figures of flesh and of shadow
Vehemently spawning delusion
Embedded far within failure-worn skin
With morbid intent the intrusion
Tragedies breeding disease and a hunger
Consuming a weak self-control
Raging insanity, loss of humanity
Ravenous Thiever of Souls
I wrote this several years ago while trying (failing) to write a horror novel. The poet in me had other plans with the idea.
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