he embodies religion
I remain an empty carcass
unsure
of what is ******* the ocean
out of my trembling heart
pour into me the hell I need
to burn every hesitation
and insecurity
that prevented me from
the nurturing
of a sacred garden
new colors flourished
breath taking, breath stealing
by a faerie radiating light
in a place
that I neglected until weeds intoxicated
the gateway to my inner peace
something as delicate as religion can not be neglected
a reckless soul cannot care for the fragile imbalance
of insecurities and affection

I live in a broken home.
****** up doors and shattered windows.
Banging on the walls, begging for mercy.
Wishing for someone, anyone to save me.
To save me from myself.
I burst into flames and crash into winds.
Trying to find the love that I never had.
Looking for the parent that was never there.
Sobbing at the little girl in the blue and white dress.
Who just wanted her father to hold her.
Fighting for the attention that he should have gave her.
Screaming for the voice that she never had.
That little girls father never came back.
He never loved her.
Now that little girl.
Is all grown up.
And she doesn't give a **** about you.

dreaming of watching myself drown
through decades
and living through the pits of hell.
you thought bursts of fire would scare me,
but man, i'm over it.
I want to be driving myself through the ******* gates

she drank beer the way I drank water she had a beer bottle and cigarette in one hand and the other caressing me she said I wouldn't understand even if I tried so she took me to bed and kissed me until I was full on naked and ready to **** she serenenaded me with words that meant more to her than me but I couldn't understand because she mumbled half the **** she said I called her beautiful and she said thanks she didn't even look into my eyes but she kept a smile the whole time I couldn't tell how many times she'd done this but I knew she had experience the kind of experience that you know she's been around  she acted so casual and played me like a doll I didn't do anything but stand there and let her control me and take over what little sanity of me I had left

i realize now
that when adults believe that
teenagers are kidding themselves,
believing they're in pain, that they're in love
i realize now
that adults are just trying
to condescend them
trying to cover up
that they can't remember how it felt
to be seventeen
and young forever

the sun stroked my back
the same way you did.
we smiled shyly, and
i craved you so endlessly
for awhile.
you were my summer lover
a dream made
in the heat of the moment.
a dream made
out of the misery
of my endless winter.
you were my summer lover
and summer is over.