Listen

Listen to what I am saying
I love you

Did you hear me?
Were the words clear?
I love you

I know I said I didn't care and that I was done
But those were phibs, lies I told myself
Like a child telling themself that Santa is real and they ignore that they saw they's parents
Putting the presents under the tree

I love you no matter what they think of you
No matter what you do
I will always love you

I was sad, angry with you
For what you did, trying to push me away in the most unacceptable way
I know you might have done it unintentional
But I forgive you

I can't stay mad at you
I love you


Listen
Listen to what I have said
These words are true and they will remain true
as long as I have a heart to feel the love

So there's a tie and its tied tightly tonight but i'll try tirelessly to untighten the tie for tomorrow.

The night was hazed with strobe lights
    Blinding faces of those 'round.
Bowling ***** were roaring their way
     Proclaim war against the pins
Drinks were downed with unquenchable thirst
       One after another
The music seeped through the floors, walls, and chairs
      Causing them to try and shake it out
        Only to be dancing with the rest
And then I became a blurred face
       A captain of war
          A consumer of happiness
              A soul moved by vibrations in the air.
                            On a Friday.

Love is a few words
written on white lined paper
Passed, Read, and Ignored.

I hear the voices
My head is exploding
Why don't they leave me

Here, There, There and here
They are not leaving me be
I hear the voices

I can't be like this
They overlap each other
I don't like voices

And we danced all night
with our hearts entangled in feelings
That neither of us could explain.

The lights illuminated your face.
My face.
Your eyes.
My eyes.

And it was something in that moment
that ignited a spark.

We grew closer.
Our bodies  pressed together.
And.......
It was just another dream.

And the summer sun has moist my back with light kisses
But with the rain's light laughter they're washed away
into the gutter of disappointment.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the whispers, the wishes it shoots at the first star it sees.
The hopes and dreams that always seem reachable but then again not reachable.

When I listen to my heart,
I can hear it telling me that I should stay away from him.
I hear the protests and the strain as it tries to pull away
but at the same time I hear it secretly telling itself that it wants.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the sighs of not wanting to continue with anything.
The tired groans pulse throughout my body.
Telling me that I should stop and rest.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the blood pump through the veins.
That's all really

When I listen to my heart
I sometimes listen and sometimes don't.

Let me think.

I enter my thoughts and this is unsettling
Not because of what I might think but because it's like taking a boat into a storm, directly into a storm
with the "yes" and "no" 's pelting you.

The words that induce the feeling of being less than inferior are also the words I like to hear.
The way are spoken, as if I am less than inferior makes my eye twitch buy makes my mouth likewise.

Let me think.

The clouds are mounting on top each other as if they are trying to show who is the better cloud, cloudy the sky turning it gray.

The way words fall and into my ears is not a way I would chose and yet it still intrigues me just a bit.
The words that are exchanged are like hearted. Meant to be fun but then again are they really?

Let me think.

The sky declares that a race of water should be held. And race they do. Falling quickly.

Choices are needed to be made.
Choices indeed.
Let me think.
I need a moment to think.

I want to hold his hand, whoever he may be
I want to look deep into those eyes knowing he'll have me.
I want to feel safe and secure with just that look
Knowing that This was the best decision we took.

I want to dance akwardly as I move with my lead feet
Trying not to step on his.
I want to whisper I love you into his ear with all watching
And Lean in giving him a kiss.

I want to hear "Till Death you part"
And Hear him say "I do with all my heart"
And I reply the same
Feeling the same


I want this and more on my Wedding Day

And they wonder why we have higher rates of suicide.
Maybe it's because we get kicked out and have to suffer the streets like a cold we can never get rid of.
Maybe it's because they ignore us while they spend hours preaching that we will go to hell.
Maybe it's because we are shoved into closets and forced to open then get shoved back in
Why would we have higher rates of suicide?
Because society as a whole doesn't like us.

Can you hear the noise when a heart breaks?
Could you hear mine?
I did

First the Violins pulled and a warm sound came to my ears
It was like a tiny flame warming it
But it was actually preparing it for the shatter

Then The Violins pushed and screeching was heard
It cracked once, than twice, than it shattered
it felt like Glass was thrown at the floor and the shards were pushing against my arteries
Like Rain drops were frozen and hitting the inner walls letting hollow sounds echo

Could you hear the Heartbreak melody mine was making?
Can you hear the song a heart makes when it breaks?
I did, oh I hear it

I must keep my heart from fallin
Can't travel this road again
Though covered in sweet, sweet roses
The thorns seem so imposin
Seem dangerous those roses.

A cough in the night
signals you are not alone
A car drives on by
then
Silence
Only to be broken
by light snoring next door.

A total ******
Not worth any more of my time
Too much of an A'hole
Honestly I don't know why I liked him
Out then in then denies
Never far from my mind though...
Yesterday I told him how I truly felt 'bout him

Winter is a pleasantry compared to this blanket upon me.
Despite its harsh remarks against the bulk of humanity,
I'd rather experience that than this constricting blanket.
Winter brings forth frost from its diaphragm and unto earth
But with this blanket, of comfortable coverage there is a dearth.
Must I wait till morning to dispose properly this blanket?

With my bagel on an inexpensive cheap napkin and my coffee two minutes settled, I stare at the enemy.
He, She, Whatever it may be, jeers and snorts at me while doing it blankly.

But its not the only thing.

The tool that I conjured from the box I  placed beside me refuses to move or even let it's blood flow to create figures, figures that could be read with the proper eyes.
On further inspection it wasn't the tool's lack of response rather my mind's lack of settling.
Should blood be spelt for love and betrayal, should it cover every white space available. or should the blood run sideways Or maybe not at all?

I look at my watch, the coffee is now five minutes settled

The robins pick at the ground with grass beneath their feet
while worms try to get away so they wouldn't be eaten.
The wind plays with the leaves above
As the sun gives it's warmth and love.

Don't take me for granted cause I may let you fall
may let your undoings consume you.

Don't ignore that I might be losing patience  cause I may just let go
And watch you stagger to keep your balance.

Don't  acknowledge I'm there and then keep going
Cause I may just ignore your presence completely

Don't expect me to turn around to wave good bye
Cause no Goodbye is worth saying or waving

Don't forget that I can leave it all behind
And never
Not once
Not even a twitch of my neck
look back

We were nothing
yet we were a theory.
Tossed around,
Debated over time,
but there was never enough evidence
For us to be an actual law.

What if God Was a Female.
What if she was okay with everything we did as humans as long as we helped each other in our time of need. AS long as we respected others.

What if the Devil is actually something that is inside of us And She can communicate with it? and that's how they both made an agreement that they would let us do what we wanted.
So if a person didn't like to smoke but then smoked The devil inside of them won. and if a person resisted their own temptations She won.
What if she created not Adam and Eve but two organisms and let them go from there? Helped when needed?
What if didn't care in what we believed in but cared if we used what we believed in against others?
What if everything we thought we knew was wrong?

Never teach people about democracy only to cast aside their voices.

Looking up I see railings
Crossing and blurring together as one
My neck hurts now.

When You told me I felt a mixture of emotions
My heart was a *** boiling with sadness as some salt of anger was poured in
And when the pepper of hope was added my heart just went blank
My mind went blank
but my mouth manged to say "Oh"

When I told you about a dream of you and a friend
you told me something I wasn't expecting
Noodles of Hurt was added to the ***
More Peppers of Hope were added
and some more salt of anger was sprinkled
But something was missing to this meal you were creating
then you added the secret ingredient.
I don't even know what it is
but it made the cuisine finished

After all was added and cooked
All I manged to say was "Oh"

The sun greets me though his presence was already known.
I look out the window and feel him trying to get my attention but I dare not look.
There is a tree, a young sapling,  bowing down or at least acknowledging his superior.
Black feathers occupy a small are of the window and I am greeted with a quiet hello, but it sounded as if someone was waring about some car.
Then the feathers seem to disappear.

The watchers of the world below drift on by, some content with the state of the world others not so much.
I close the curtain. There is more to see later, just not at the moment. Perhaps when I have time to spare  I will check what's outside again.

T ired of feeling like this
      because you are so far away, stuck in your head with what others would think
       not thinking of anything but that
R eally? That's the question I ask, why? I wasn't good enough, if you break his heart or he yours you'll go  
     with me and be mine.
Y esterday I might have waited. Yesterday I might have just dreamed but now I got someone
     I don't know what will happen, but I am going to TRY.

I guess Kelly Clarkson was right
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger

I haven't died from the pain held inside
Nor have I bruised much
My heart has broken but nothing a little Duct Tape can't fix
Nothing a little glue can't fix

Maybe it is like when you break a bone
It hurts like hell
But Once in a cast it begins the process of healing
It itches like hell
and I might have to use a pencil or two to get rid of the itch but
then Once the cast is off I will be able to use it

Yeah maybe My heart will be like that

My path is overgrown with broken beer bottles
On my black eagle I'm goin full throttle.
It's pouring down, all around they're movin like cattle
But slipping from society is only half the battle.
My arms are ancient road maps if you connect the landmarks
Or crevices my black eagle has punctured and pecked at.
But lost you might end up if you don't get on my saddle.

I tried to write a love poem
But my words, like my tongue, were tied into knots
Not able to pass through the pencil's lips
and onto the paper
For you.

Don't call me back
Cause I will be gone out the door
Don't get my attention
Cause now My heart is torn
But I will ignore the pain
I will forget that I even liked you
Cause you showed me
That you ain't worth it anymore

My sanity, like sand, drained through my fingers
Into a puddle of lost perception.
I heard the cries of the rocks as they were chucked at his window
They were complaining of being moved from their homes.
I tasted the copper of my transgressions as he forced them into my stomach with a closed judgmental fist.
Earth held me up as I sunk into the ground with laughter
For he neglected to taint, to bully, my heart stained and shattered.
Moon, why must you tease the shadows with your translucent bony fingers?
Shadows, why must you retreat and find solace in solitude?
I'm alone and yet the wind whispers "You're not alone" as it runs its breath across the back of my neck.
The Earth on my skin soothes with lips soft and moist keeping me calm and collected.
My sanity, like sand, drained from the gaps of my fingers into a puddle of lost perception.

The winds cradled every fear I had and took 'em with a gentle kiss on my cheek.
The cold never bit me while I stood and watched my fears drift away.
It wrapped it's self 'round me, protecting me from the cold within.
It watched with me as my fears grew into a speck
as if it were a star leaving the sky.

Under the stars
Beyond the woods with their whispers and taunts
Lies my Heart in the well.

I dropped it there
for the well is deserted
No human makes their commute beyond the woods.

The cold waters caressed my heart until it grew warm and use to the water.
The light gave a view of the walls and I was content.
The walls were wet and covered in slime.
No one would want to crawl in here to save it.
that's what I want.

Insects swim along side the walls trying not to drown
Trying not to be in death's hands.
my heart will not be ever in death's hands
They made a pact.
As long as my heart is in the well
Away from love
Death will keep it alive.

you and I
I and you
One plus one
equals two

I and you
you and I
would you be
my sweety pie?

I have no right to be who I am
I have no right to get to know my biological father
that's the idea i am getting

All men created equal
But you don't care
I am a terriost apparently
I have  no right to be who I am
Nor the right to know my bio dad

You wrap your arms 'round
As you whisper sweet nothings
As you keep me bounded

Bite gently my neck
As you trace my happy trail
Then take a rain check

Then leave out the door
As you kiss gently my lips
Leave me wanting more

We walked side by side with the leaves whispering with each other.
Talking the length of our walk.
I don't think you saw that my smiles
were Morse code.
The wider they were, the toothier they were, it meant
"I like you."

Naturally I would have grabbed your hand
Naturally I would have leaned in and let the aromas not be carried by the wind by breathing you in
Naturally I would have pulled you close, felt your breath become quick
felt your heart be the drums in your ribcage band
Kiss those lips and smile again.

Naturally That's what I would have done.
But Naturally I can't.

And then the rain drenched my hands.
Looking up I saw the sun angry with me.
I was pelted with my past transgressions
but it's alright, it's cool, Every bad seed deserves to drown.

Time went by and distance grew between me and liking you
I now see that you are just holding me back
Replace what was felt with what is felt now
Every thing I thought and felt is through
Dead these feelings, Just growing tired now

Draw me a picture
with my heart in two pieces
not with the shattered line drawn in the middle
but with them on opposite sides
Because one side is still needing to catch up.

The streets have been skinned of their inhabitants.
The bone glistens as the high moon worships.

The world has turn ablaze and ashes squander the seed's life into asphyxiated pieces of decayed flesh but not before it's life force seeped into the ground. It took root and sensed the passing of ignorance and flourished into something tangible, at least in the areas effect by rebirth. Ashes have yet to settle upon the rest of the earth to allow such rebirth but the seeds are already awaiting acceptance.

I repeat his name until there is a proper place.
I place him neatly and linger just for a moment before I place the next one where he belongs.

It's like this
"Count to ten"
"Find A friend"
"Try, try, try Again"

But when we are older

it's like this
"You don't pay the bills"
"Stupid Could gotcha Killed"
"I won't make that deal"

Dear Humanity,

I want you to look into your enemies and hold their breath in your lungs for one minute and in that minute watch y'alls ideas which were clashing like two stags fighting for the right of the land, halt abruptly.  In that minute I want you to acknowledge that beyond that barrier which you created when you heard the words " I disagree", is a soul who probably felt the calloused hand of life. Perhaps your enemy went to sleep with dried hands after washing dishes for the ******* Last time only to rise at the tolling of the alarm clock, it says Get Ready for School.  In that minute I want you to acknowledge that beyond the wired fence that sends electricity through their bodies when ever they approach, is a soul who might have had to endure the pang of hunger so siblings could do with something, anything so electricity is nothing In that minute, I want you to acknowledge how it feels to hold their breath.
Exhale.

Sincerely,

__

M
I    X
     E
D

Fe
   e l
i  n g
         s
You say

Give you some space to breath

Well I can do that
I can do just that

S          P                  A                    C             E




B                  R              E             A                  T              H             E            
  



Do you still have mixed feelings ??

I have become fluid as water
malleable for his needs
malleable for  his wants
but when he attempts to fold me over
like a blanket
I will be stone
Tomorrow.

"I hate ******* gays"
Is this how you show your love?
I love you too, Mom