My heart has travled a thousand miles.
A thousand words. A thousand Feelings.
Never really tiring as it travels further into the unknown.

And each day it feels the heat.
And each night it feels the loneliness.
And each day it feels complete.
And each night it feels emptyness.

My heart has travled a thousand miles.
A thousand words. A thousand Feelings.
Never really tiring as it travels further into the unknown.

Waiting is something I haven't grown use to.
I have always gotten what i wanted whether
I needed it at that moment or some time later
I don't like to wait, just twiddling my thumbs
or sighing out loud
Waiting
Waiting is dumb

In my dreams, I still feel, hear, and see you.

You are just barely there, barely in my longing dreams.

And just when I feel your arms around my body

When I feel the fire buring in my wanting soul.

When I want nothing more than just to hold you

I wake up and you becoming just another longing dream.

what is one to do when in waiting?
Twidle thumbs like a child?
Or perhaps watch the cars as they roar on by?
Compose music only you could hear with the sounds of the Street?
Or sit on a bench with pencil and pen?
Observe strangers with their hands on food?
Observe strangers whistling with nothing to do?
Whats one to do when in waiting?

The faucet's voice was gargled by the water as I washed clean my hands
But the presence of this idiom will never signify an end.
I can only ever wash the guilt, it's temporary even then.

And life just goes on
But hearts that are anchored deep
Can never move on.

The heart
              Is an oddity
Every heart beat
             Sends you deeper into an abyss
Where caverns must be explored
             ,Light is a rarity,
Where one
             could be lost
              In
                    Love.

The leaves shake and speak with a foreign tongue.
The leaves shake in the way the shadows dance
and I am in a forest sea.

Mama , the weather outside speaks hunger.
The air whispers in syllabic groans
as it holds my bloated stomach.
I've seen the sun with cheeks full of food
but it wastes the food  by ejecting globs at my face
whenever I gaze upon it.
Perhaps the air can carry me through this winter.
Perhaps I can go to sleep.

Maybe I am a monster , one who wears the sheep's skin
         When in truth I am a creature with no heart
          When in truth everything I touch turns into ashes
Only people don't see me as such, I am the angel
           To them I sing only harmonic tunes not demonic
            To them I can never be the demon that I am
Nothing I say or do will make them heed my warnings
            They are drawn to the light that is mixed in with the darkness
             They are drawn to my "Good mornings" for one who greets will never hurt.
Sometimes, though, I am not a monster nor a demon brought from hell
               I help those in need with all my strength
               I help those in need in hope my evil with be negated by the good I do.
This notion brings comfort late at night when my past settles in my dream
                 Waking me with such discomfort that I jolt up throwing the past out of my head
                  Waking me with such agonized discomfort that I drenched the bed with my body's tears.
Ever wondered if you are a monster? Everyone is at some point or are they?
                   Are there actual human beings who escort evil out the door without a disrespecting word?
                   Are there actual human beings who turn the other cheek and even let evil do veil things to
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                    Them.
R*etrospectively, I am a monster one with the sheep's skin draped over my darkness
                            Only people disregard what's inside and look at my good side.
                             Only people don't understand, as much as I am angel
                                                          I am A monster

And we were treading the pavement with joyous steps
a building bellowed-it was a protest.
Ahead we were sister and I
When a woman charged up with black fire in her eyes.

"Go back to where you came from!"

the food was delicious but my mom's is better
the music was good it kept me dazed
but the fire in her eyes
and her strong opinionated words
has stuck with me to this day.

When I shake my head I can hear it swish and I know I let some out but there is still more
My hands are not yet cramping, are not yet begging to be rested
I must keep on going until I shake my head and it makes no sound.

Some say that every minute is too much
Some say everyday is too much
But I say it's not enough
it's better to have too much then not having any at all

So I keep on writing whatever comes to mind
I keep penning love poems
I keep typing acrostics

You can never have too much

From the look on your face
I can tell that I did something wrong
I look through my mind
trying to go through all the mental files
But can't find a single word or action that tells me


I can feel the ice that is brought from your eyes
I feel like I am not wanted in your presences
I know that I did no wrong to you or to anyone you love
So why do I feel like you think I Did

I want to talk to you but fear being shut down
Fear of being brought to the ground
Fear of being blamed for everything
But I must talk for if you do not like me
For something you think I did
I must know what it is so I can set the record straight
Cause I did nothing wrong, I did nothing

The time I thought I had left
Skipped in front of me, blue raspberries
and went without a word.

You're just a whisper
in the back of the classroom
Snagging my attention
before the teacher comes.

I heard them songs you's been singin'
Them low time lonely kinda blues
I heard them songs you's been singin'
As you've been tuggin on them shoes
It ain't no problem to have them low time blues
Only, make sure to tug em right them holey worn shoes.

Now, how comes ya hollerin' 'bout someone done done you wrong?
Just take all them feelings in ya heart and turn them into song.
How comes ya writin lyrics with voodoo curses to cut like knives?
Just wish 'em a blessed day and go on with ya life.

I heard them songs ya been singin
and I says time to change up the tune.
I heard them songs ya been singin
You low time lonely kinda blues.

Rumor has it* and
Everybody Talks about it
That you found another


Well guess what I can find Someone like you
Someone who will keep me Up all Night
Cause they a great lover

Thanks For the Memories
I will give you the Cold Shoulder
Cause you and me are over

Oh! the *** has been stirred with a lighting hands
The smoldering water and clumps of bubbles
Have been spilling in hopes to scald his hand.

Tomorrow we go back to school
I do not know if I will act civil or act the fool
Tomorrow you will be seating next to me
Will I hold the joy at bay or fail to contain?

Gosh, my body shudders in excitement
I get to see you once more
Three weeks has been far too long
To see your face will bring me enlightenment

Tomorrow, Tomorrow oh man tomorrow
I get to talk to you
admire you
Be lifted in happiness not sorrow
When I see you again tomorrow

I found the other half my heart today
Wedged in between your canines.
Just don't let it shred even more
as you tug it out.

Considering you a fallacy is a hollowness in my chest
a bent-out percussion instrument, it's quality won't be the best.

Balanced Doubt nursed your mistake
Leaving you with no more faith
as you looked in the mirror.

You went 'round trying to fake
But in the end you had to rake
All the pieces of your broken self.

My ears burn with anger in hearing “equality is only an abstraction”
I force composure when I’m told “equality is an aberration”
I am nauseated to the point of sickness with the plans of inaction
Sick to my soul with promises in line for retraction.

I refuse to eat from the plate of oppression
To feast and drink ‘long side omission.
I refuse to be reassured with chipped smiles of joker politicians
They try to avert my attention with juggling of short-term distractions.
While they exchange restrictions in under table transactions.


I refuse to eat from the plate of oppression
To feast and drink ‘long side omission.

Thank you for letting me hold him.
Thank you for letting him ask if I wanted anything to eat
Thank you for his side hug.

Thank you for my frantic search for him
Thank you for our awkward dance
Thank you for all the eyes staring and all the awwings at us as I was about to kiss him
Thank you for his embrassed  Not it front of everybody
Thank you for dissappearing as we kissed.
Thank you for leaving me just hanging there wanting more
Thank you.

Every night when I lay my head to sleep
You enter my mind.
Every night you are beside me
On the bus, at school, on my bed
Every night I hold you close  so you can feel the fire
I rub your neck, you look at me with those intense blue eyes and smile
Every night you are in my dreams
But only Every night when I fall asleep.

But then again if he left wouldn't I be able to be free of the pain?

We all have that one movie.
The one we re-watch avidly.
The one where the protagonist
reminds us of our underdog selves.
Or at least the struggles
of waking up in the morning
without falling off the bed.

The clock flashes midnight,
reminds us that we have school
or wherever tomorrow. Yet,
we are engrossed spectators
captivated yet fearful
spectators to our hero's moment
of metaphorically hanging
off a metaphorical cliff.

We dismiss the clock and its
fallical midnight sign,
ignore the super-ego--
we have enough on our plates
from our actual parents
who expect too much
of underdeveloped minds
which are latched onto pleasure--
and continue watching our movie,
hoping that our hero
makes it out alive,
or at least does not fall off
the bed in the morning.

When your name popped with that little ding
my heart fluttered and I went dizzy
My hands shaked with anticpation
For the love that I had was Growin

And as the wind whispered in my ears
Lips began to moist my cheek.
And as the wind whispered in my ears
It spoke of secrets I wish to keep.

A soul not need to know
Where we gonna be tonight.
A soul not need to know.
Who holds me close and tight.

And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.


The dampened grass stain our jeans
As we rumble, tumble, fumble with love.
The dampened grass stain our jeans
As we began to play a lil' rough.


A soul not need to know
Where we gonna be tonight.
A soul not need to know.
Who holds me close and tight.

And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.

And maybe one day I'll be holding your hand
Taking you down an aisle
Holding your hand.
And baby, we will grow old together
Holding one another's hands
Together forever.


And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.

After years of thinking and considering I know
That I am an Atheist.
Hours on end I have thought about it but the answer was always No you don't  believe
Everyone who does believe tells me that it might be because I am gay and don't like what they say about
           people like me. And if they don't know that I am Gay they say I just haven't let him in my heart
I* will not lie and say it didn't cross my mind that my homosexuality might have been a factor but it's
               not. And I can't let something in my heart when I don't believe that it can even be there.
Saddest person I might be for the ones who tell me that but At least I never Waver in standing for my
     belief.
The answer as to why i don't believe is A) I am more on the science side and B) I just never did.

And yet his name lingers on the tip of his tongue.
Intruding once in awhile, sweetening his tongue.
And yet his voice echoes inside his ears
Making his cheeks flush, his heart strings strum, his ears burn.
And yet his smile flashes in his mind
Leading him to smile, to retreat and imagine  in his mind

He say's it's no more
And yet he still feels the flame
He says the opposite of the truth
And yet he yearns for him
He tells stories and crafts lies, morphing and shaping them to fit the purpose
And yet he still loves him.

I was a fool
I am a fool
Waiting for the chance, waiting to experience your love
and being the imbecile, being the simpleton that I am
I talked to your sister to have that chance

I wanted, GOD, I wanted
But now it's like I don't even matter
Like what you said, what you told me in person doesn't matter
None of it matters anymore

As I looked upon the mirror and noticed its mimicking, I found a splotch of dirt where a shirt pocket should have been.
I dabbed a cloth in suds, I'm told its substance is the best
but no amount of vigorous scrubbing
could have removed the splotch.

This country was founded
   on
"I get to do what I want to do"
    But
It's evident that we don't.

Never
Opened
To me.
Hurting
Ignoring
Never
Getting what I say.

Before you shoot your arrow to nick my heart
immerse the tip with the oils of bitter almonds.

Fireworks in the sky
BOOM CRACK
They illuminate the darkness with vibrant colors
But there is something missing

Oh yeah it you beside me so we can watch them together

BOOM
Where are you
CRACK
Should I look for you amongst the stars

Where are you
BOOM

I look but can't seem to find you
CRACK
The sky is illuminated with vibrant colors
There are fireworks in the sky
And I watch them by myself
Watch them all alone

You can take away the sun
So it won't shine to give warmth
You can take away the moon
So it won't calm the seas
You can take away the very air I breathe
So I can't draw in breath to live
But Don't take away my poems

You can beat me until purple shows
You can slap me till my skin is raw
You can shoot me in the heart
and rip it to sherds like it was made of paper
But don't take away my poems

My poems are my children
Made from my own mind
Made from my own hands
And even if one might be different from the other
They are still mine
My painful memories
My compliants about life
My sorrows
My joys

You can take away my identity
You can take away my very name
You can even make it that I don't live no more
and waste away in a field where I can't be found
But Don't take away my poems

Let's stay this way
Old shirt on the floor with the Axe Colonge lingering in my nostril
Visit my hair with your fingertips
Eventually give me a gentle kiss

Look into my eyes
Oh How I love looking into yours
Visit my arms and I yours
Eventually We fall asleep

Lose your thoughts of the outside world
Only me and you is needed
Visualize just you and me
Eventually the love between is greater than all

Take A mintue to hear what is being said
I never chose to have feelings for men
Take a moment for it to register
That I could have married and had children with her
but I didn't
I decided to be honest and speak up
But I was shot down

Like a piegon shot from the sky
As it only wanted to fly

You tell me that you don't care when I am older
but right now I am a child i don't know any better
but I do
I know what I am and chose this route so later in life
I Wouldn't suffer as much

Like eating junk food everyday for lunch
and grwoing up to find out I have stomcah Problems because of my lunch

I chose this path, the path of coming out,  knowing the dangers
Knowing what Challenges I would have to face
And this path I am taking will make me stronger

I sit and wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you have me in your dreams.
Do you talk as if I am there?
and tell me that you really care.
Have you lost yourself in thoughts of me and you
Thought of how we could make it through.
Do you kiss the pillow convincing yourself that its is me?
Do you look at my picture every night?
Do you miss those days when you hugged me?
Do you regret not telling how you really felt?

If you do, then me and you are the same.

They don't know, they really don't know
That beside this heart in so much pain
,in so much pain that the blood leaks instead of flowing,
Is a loaded gun.
Ready at any moment
at any given moment
To release a blessing
A gift
to them from me.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Candy is sweet
And so are you*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
my hearts needs to be fed
With every ounce of you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wish I was dead
Cause I can't have you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't care what you said
I need some one new

Roses are red
Violets  ARE....
Okay I need to stop with this childish rant

My heart you did led
So what I am going to do
Is mend
This heart but not for you

Candy may be sweet but you taste sour
Like one of the War heads
I can't eat you I don't like sour things

With you not at my side, i spend my days looking into the blue hills.
I watch them as they guard my homeland and then as time makes them turn  into a deeper state of sadness i watch the skies.
The sky is a vast black blanket with tiny holes that allowed some light to shine through but those holes don't keep me warm and i start to feel the solitude.

Alone with only my breathing audible i feel the cold creep up beside me overshadowed by  the night and i welcome both for i need the company.
Without you i am nothing. Just a mere shell and the only evidence that it still works is the heart that is cracked but still manages to beat, slowly but still manages to beat.

I'm alone.
I am alone.

I am very alone.

And she drank his words
Took that shot filled to the rim
Though it burned her throat.

She was on fire
Her stomach was on fire
But she endured it.

She gritted her teeth
Didn't even want to cough
Took another shot.

Its to the point now
That she doesn't feel the pain.
Too much of his shots

Are being taken
She cant see straight anymore.
She takes another

She is on fire
But for love she endures it
Fire consumes her.
It was her last shot.

But now things seem to be hanging on a thread, a thread that slowly untwines, slowly slips from its bonds.
I am not sure how to take this. To be happy that my hands will soon be unbound or be concern that it’s happening all too quickly.
And it seems as if this thread can’t be prevented from losing its grip amongst the others.
I am helpless but then again, isn’t that a good thing?

Hear me when I say this

I can never go back to that place

The walls are covered with carvings made with fingernails
Covered in dents and brusies scars of battles its won.

I can never go back into that place

The hinges never stay slient even when the door is closed
They only speak in taunts spinning lies and hateful truths.

The floor is covered with tears
Blood
and memories that never saw light.

I can never go back into that place.
You cant make me.

Truth is...
I can hear a part of my heart
Protesting with every heartbeat.
It screams
"Don't date, Just wait"
But My mind tells me
"It's done too late"
While I just stand there
like
Truth is...
I still want you...