In my dreams, I still feel, hear, and see you.

You are just barely there, barely in my longing dreams.

And just when I feel your arms around my body

When I feel the fire buring in my wanting soul.

When I want nothing more than just to hold you

I wake up and you becoming just another longing dream.

There will be the emotion of agony
as his steps that increase the distance
Jag their way down my heart  and hers.

There will be tears flooding our hearts
as his words that once were always there
become whispers lost on the wind.

There grief will stifle our voices
as the memories we have
are what we go to in mornings, afternoons, and nights
when he's no longer here.

Maybe I am a monster , one who wears the sheep's skin
         When in truth I am a creature with no heart
          When in truth everything I touch turns into ashes
Only people don't see me as such, I am the angel
           To them I sing only harmonic tunes not demonic
            To them I can never be the demon that I am
Nothing I say or do will make them heed my warnings
            They are drawn to the light that is mixed in with the darkness
             They are drawn to my "Good mornings" for one who greets will never hurt.
Sometimes, though, I am not a monster nor a demon brought from hell
               I help those in need with all my strength
               I help those in need in hope my evil with be negated by the good I do.
This notion brings comfort late at night when my past settles in my dream
                 Waking me with such discomfort that I jolt up throwing the past out of my head
                  Waking me with such agonized discomfort that I drenched the bed with my body's tears.
Ever wondered if you are a monster? Everyone is at some point or are they?
                   Are there actual human beings who escort evil out the door without a disrespecting word?
                   Are there actual human beings who turn the other cheek and even let evil do veil things to
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                    Them.
R*etrospectively, I am a monster one with the sheep's skin draped over my darkness
                            Only people disregard what's inside and look at my good side.
                             Only people don't understand, as much as I am angel
                                                          I am A monster

I was taught many, a many lessons ago
To fall in love with the first one I meet.
To obey the orders and not question the theme.
To follow the Simon and follow my dreams.

I was taught many, a many realities ago
To lock my heart for the one with the key.  
To break the rules when arise a need.
To be the Simon with achievable deeds.

The moon was surrounded by it's servants
scattered every which way.
Some stayed stationary as to protect it
others rushed by to chase some unseen enemy.

Thank you for letting me hold him.
Thank you for letting him ask if I wanted anything to eat
Thank you for his side hug.

Thank you for my frantic search for him
Thank you for our awkward dance
Thank you for all the eyes staring and all the awwings at us as I was about to kiss him
Thank you for his embrassed  Not it front of everybody
Thank you for dissappearing as we kissed.
Thank you for leaving me just hanging there wanting more
Thank you.

And we were treading the pavement with joyous steps
a building bellowed-it was a protest.
Ahead we were sister and I
When a woman charged up with black fire in her eyes.

"Go back to where you came from!"

the food was delicious but my mom's is better
the music was good it kept me dazed
but the fire in her eyes
and her strong opinionated words
has stuck with me to this day.

The morning dogs whine about being let out
but I am too lost in my dreams to even care.
Hairspray and Vampires **** play on the TV
but remnants of my dream are what I see.

Lost in eyes that chill me over
Lost in the ice covered sea.
Lost in a dream state that let's me be
in an embrace as I rest on he.

The faucet's voice was gargled by the water as I washed clean my hands
But the presence of this idiom will never signify an end.
I can only ever wash the guilt, it's temporary even then.

After years of thinking and considering I know
That I am an Atheist.
Hours on end I have thought about it but the answer was always No you don't  believe
Everyone who does believe tells me that it might be because I am gay and don't like what they say about
           people like me. And if they don't know that I am Gay they say I just haven't let him in my heart
I* will not lie and say it didn't cross my mind that my homosexuality might have been a factor but it's
               not. And I can't let something in my heart when I don't believe that it can even be there.
Saddest person I might be for the ones who tell me that but At least I never Waver in standing for my
     belief.
The answer as to why i don't believe is A) I am more on the science side and B) I just never did.

You took your G-O-O-D B-Y-E
Flung it at my heart and now its shattering.
What falls is the shards of my heart cutting the arteries.
While my endless tears cause my internal bleeding.
And while you left your delivery, with unintended cruelty, I stood there suffocating
Slowly drowning
Slowing dying
Anthony you killed me with Goodbye.

What was it about you?
Off in my mind dreaming that i would have you
What was i thinking?

Whatever it was it's gone now
Off to some distant guy who will crush on you
Wow, thats all i can say just WOW

We all have that one movie.
The one we re-watch avidly.
The one where the protagonist
reminds us of our underdog selves.
Or at least the struggles
of waking up in the morning
without falling off the bed.

The clock flashes midnight,
reminds us that we have school
or wherever tomorrow. Yet,
we are engrossed spectators
captivated yet fearful
spectators to our hero's moment
of metaphorically hanging
off a metaphorical cliff.

We dismiss the clock and its
fallical midnight sign,
ignore the super-ego--
we have enough on our plates
from our actual parents
who expect too much
of underdeveloped minds
which are latched onto pleasure--
and continue watching our movie,
hoping that our hero
makes it out alive,
or at least does not fall off
the bed in the morning.

You're just a whisper
in the back of the classroom
Snagging my attention
before the teacher comes.

Do you remember what you have said?
I do for your words dance in my head.
The lights they illuminate your heart
You're distant but I known it from the start.

Won't you take my hand and let the fire burn?
Hold me close with no concern
of what the others have to say
Will you Save Me that Dance today?

I glide 'cross the unrequited shores
Tears crash on the open floor
Emotions drown my train of thoughts
But here you come my breath is caught.

Won't you take my hand and let the fire burn?
Hold me close with no concern
of what the others have to say
Won't you Save Me that Dance today?

Darlin' I have waited with misery coursing through my veins
I have breathed a hundred doubts and exhaled pain
But here you are long at last
Darlin' I implore you save me that Dance today.

When your name popped with that little ding
my heart fluttered and I went dizzy
My hands shaked with anticpation
For the love that I had was Growin

How can you look at me
   With those cool ocean eyes?
Whenever you do
   It hits me every time.
I get lost in your seas
   With unrequited waves
hitting me
drowning me
There's no way to save
   No way to save
There's no way to save
It's this heart's demise
It hits me every time
Those cool ocean eyes.

Waiting is something I haven't grown use to.
I have always gotten what i wanted whether
I needed it at that moment or some time later
I don't like to wait, just twiddling my thumbs
or sighing out loud
Waiting
Waiting is dumb

And yet his name lingers on the tip of his tongue.
Intruding once in awhile, sweetening his tongue.
And yet his voice echoes inside his ears
Making his cheeks flush, his heart strings strum, his ears burn.
And yet his smile flashes in his mind
Leading him to smile, to retreat and imagine  in his mind

He say's it's no more
And yet he still feels the flame
He says the opposite of the truth
And yet he yearns for him
He tells stories and crafts lies, morphing and shaping them to fit the purpose
And yet he still loves him.

The heart
              Is an oddity
Every heart beat
             Sends you deeper into an abyss
Where caverns must be explored
             ,Light is a rarity,
Where one
             could be lost
              In
                    Love.

I sit and wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you have me in your dreams.
Do you talk as if I am there?
and tell me that you really care.
Have you lost yourself in thoughts of me and you
Thought of how we could make it through.
Do you kiss the pillow convincing yourself that its is me?
Do you look at my picture every night?
Do you miss those days when you hugged me?
Do you regret not telling how you really felt?

If you do, then me and you are the same.

Hear me when I say this

I can never go back to that place

The walls are covered with carvings made with fingernails
Covered in dents and brusies scars of battles its won.

I can never go back into that place

The hinges never stay slient even when the door is closed
They only speak in taunts spinning lies and hateful truths.

The floor is covered with tears
Blood
and memories that never saw light.

I can never go back into that place.
You cant make me.

Take A mintue to hear what is being said
I never chose to have feelings for men
Take a moment for it to register
That I could have married and had children with her
but I didn't
I decided to be honest and speak up
But I was shot down

Like a piegon shot from the sky
As it only wanted to fly

You tell me that you don't care when I am older
but right now I am a child i don't know any better
but I do
I know what I am and chose this route so later in life
I Wouldn't suffer as much

Like eating junk food everyday for lunch
and grwoing up to find out I have stomcah Problems because of my lunch

I chose this path, the path of coming out,  knowing the dangers
Knowing what Challenges I would have to face
And this path I am taking will make me stronger

what is one to do when in waiting?
Twidle thumbs like a child?
Or perhaps watch the cars as they roar on by?
Compose music only you could hear with the sounds of the Street?
Or sit on a bench with pencil and pen?
Observe strangers with their hands on food?
Observe strangers whistling with nothing to do?
Whats one to do when in waiting?

The leaves shake and speak with a foreign tongue.
The leaves shake in the way the shadows dance
and I am in a forest sea.

You can take away the sun
So it won't shine to give warmth
You can take away the moon
So it won't calm the seas
You can take away the very air I breathe
So I can't draw in breath to live
But Don't take away my poems

You can beat me until purple shows
You can slap me till my skin is raw
You can shoot me in the heart
and rip it to sherds like it was made of paper
But don't take away my poems

My poems are my children
Made from my own mind
Made from my own hands
And even if one might be different from the other
They are still mine
My painful memories
My compliants about life
My sorrows
My joys

You can take away my identity
You can take away my very name
You can even make it that I don't live no more
and waste away in a field where I can't be found
But Don't take away my poems

Oh! the *** has been stirred with a lighting hands
The smoldering water and clumps of bubbles
Have been spilling in hopes to scald his hand.

From the look on your face
I can tell that I did something wrong
I look through my mind
trying to go through all the mental files
But can't find a single word or action that tells me


I can feel the ice that is brought from your eyes
I feel like I am not wanted in your presences
I know that I did no wrong to you or to anyone you love
So why do I feel like you think I Did

I want to talk to you but fear being shut down
Fear of being brought to the ground
Fear of being blamed for everything
But I must talk for if you do not like me
For something you think I did
I must know what it is so I can set the record straight
Cause I did nothing wrong, I did nothing

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

Let's stay this way
Old shirt on the floor with the Axe Colonge lingering in my nostril
Visit my hair with your fingertips
Eventually give me a gentle kiss

Look into my eyes
Oh How I love looking into yours
Visit my arms and I yours
Eventually We fall asleep

Lose your thoughts of the outside world
Only me and you is needed
Visualize just you and me
Eventually the love between is greater than all

My ears burn with anger in hearing “equality is only an abstraction”
I force composure when I’m told “equality is an aberration”
I am nauseated to the point of sickness with the plans of inaction
Sick to my soul with promises in line for retraction.

I refuse to eat from the plate of oppression
To feast and drink ‘long side omission.
I refuse to be reassured with chipped smiles of joker politicians
They try to avert my attention with juggling of short-term distractions.
While they exchange restrictions in under table transactions.


I refuse to eat from the plate of oppression
To feast and drink ‘long side omission.

Rumor has it* and
Everybody Talks about it
That you found another


Well guess what I can find Someone like you
Someone who will keep me Up all Night
Cause they a great lover

Thanks For the Memories
I will give you the Cold Shoulder
Cause you and me are over

But now things seem to be hanging on a thread, a thread that slowly untwines, slowly slips from its bonds.
I am not sure how to take this. To be happy that my hands will soon be unbound or be concern that it’s happening all too quickly.
And it seems as if this thread can’t be prevented from losing its grip amongst the others.
I am helpless but then again, isn’t that a good thing?

Balanced Doubt nursed your mistake
Leaving you with no more faith
as you looked in the mirror.

You went 'round trying to fake
But in the end you had to rake
All the pieces of your broken self.

Tomorrow we go back to school
I do not know if I will act civil or act the fool
Tomorrow you will be seating next to me
Will I hold the joy at bay or fail to contain?

Gosh, my body shudders in excitement
I get to see you once more
Three weeks has been far too long
To see your face will bring me enlightenment

Tomorrow, Tomorrow oh man tomorrow
I get to talk to you
admire you
Be lifted in happiness not sorrow
When I see you again tomorrow

He searches the crowd.
Scanning the familar faces
and
the unfamilar faces.
But alas he cant find what he is looking for.

Maybe the one he wants is lost in the ocean of faces.
Hidden amongest all the smiles and scowls.
Maybe he has gone under drowned by the laughs and sidetalks.
or
maybe he never took the plunge.
Not able to dive in.

And the one who searches
is wasting his time.
Scanning the familar faces
and
the unfamilar faces.
Just wasting his time.

I found the other half my heart today
Wedged in between your canines.
Just don't let it shred even more
as you tug it out.

If meeting your needs was what it took to ensure their safety I would do it. No task, no demand would be too difficult to accomplish. All I ask in return, pass them the salt when they ask for it.

I love you.
It's space, time, and all things infite.
You're an Sight, a scenic view
With every aspect of you I can never forget.
Like the sun in the sky
Or a candle with a dancing flame.
Like when the sun kisses the wings of a butterfly
Or when there's a glow in your name.

I love you.
You can see it when I hold you hand.
You can feel it with the kisses that are true.
I'll give each part of my heart and
every part of my soul to you.

I love you.

Every night when I lay my head to sleep
You enter my mind.
Every night you are beside me
On the bus, at school, on my bed
Every night I hold you close  so you can feel the fire
I rub your neck, you look at me with those intense blue eyes and smile
Every night you are in my dreams
But only Every night when I fall asleep.

Boating 'cross the seven seas
I found a bottle brittle green
Parchment fragments polluted the space
The messages compormised, gone to waste

Boating 'cross the deadly shores
Pieces of flesh foretold gore
Spreading my vision further in sand
I spotted a managled former man

Oh! These blue oceans rock my soul
But I travel and travel for all the gold
Oh! some sights I wished not seen
But I boat 'cross for I am told
Comply not, I'm hanged for fiend.

Blue
Oceans
Craddle and hold
Hold and craddle
Craddle and hold
The ******, ******, ****** souls.

We are all pieces of paper,
Riding the morning breeze.

We ride elegantly,
Without much strife,
Until it halts.

Until we are stranded
Upon the sidewalk
Scraped for the
Flakes of white.

Until someone takes hold
Of our flesh.
Etches their name
Without being told.
Before boldly erasing,
While avidly cursing,
Our blue lines.

And as the wind whispered in my ears
Lips began to moist my cheek.
And as the wind whispered in my ears
It spoke of secrets I wish to keep.

A soul not need to know
Where we gonna be tonight.
A soul not need to know.
Who holds me close and tight.

And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.


The dampened grass stain our jeans
As we rumble, tumble, fumble with love.
The dampened grass stain our jeans
As we began to play a lil' rough.


A soul not need to know
Where we gonna be tonight.
A soul not need to know.
Who holds me close and tight.

And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.

And maybe one day I'll be holding your hand
Taking you down an aisle
Holding your hand.
And baby, we will grow old together
Holding one another's hands
Together forever.


And maybe lovin you
Aint how it suppose to be
but this ain't their heart
So they really don't see.

And maybe we'll burn in some twisted kinda hell
we might as well
So long as I got you.

But then again if he left wouldn't I be able to be free of the pain?

Fireworks in the sky
BOOM CRACK
They illuminate the darkness with vibrant colors
But there is something missing

Oh yeah it you beside me so we can watch them together

BOOM
Where are you
CRACK
Should I look for you amongst the stars

Where are you
BOOM

I look but can't seem to find you
CRACK
The sky is illuminated with vibrant colors
There are fireworks in the sky
And I watch them by myself
Watch them all alone

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Candy is sweet
And so are you*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
my hearts needs to be fed
With every ounce of you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wish I was dead
Cause I can't have you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't care what you said
I need some one new

Roses are red
Violets  ARE....
Okay I need to stop with this childish rant

My heart you did led
So what I am going to do
Is mend
This heart but not for you

Candy may be sweet but you taste sour
Like one of the War heads
I can't eat you I don't like sour things

Never
Opened
To me.
Hurting
Ignoring
Never
Getting what I say.

At times winter visits early,
Spitting fragments of yesterday’s snow,
To strike an already scarred face.

Yet, at other times the curve of its finger
Interlocks with the conscience’s
As it blabbers on like an infant.

I feel the dawn approaching
Ruffling through my hair
trying to play the good guy
but the sun was never there.

I hear the grumbling wind
collecting whispers as it spins
mumbling, stumbling every now and then.