Never
Opened
To me.
Hurting
Ignoring
Never
Getting what I say.

I was a fool
I am a fool
Waiting for the chance, waiting to experience your love
and being the imbecile, being the simpleton that I am
I talked to your sister to have that chance

I wanted, GOD, I wanted
But now it's like I don't even matter
Like what you said, what you told me in person doesn't matter
None of it matters anymore

I was told at a very early age that I could do the very things I wanted to do.
Being young and foolish I spoke "I want to be Blue"
My parents laughed at me and patted my head
Told me to try something realistic instead
Before sending me off to sleep in my bed.

Years later, With more miles walked
With more things heard, with more words to talk
With more memories and thoughts confusing to me
I read a book.

"Am I blue?" It said, a collections of stories, a window to see through
Reading it brought my confusing thoughts to view.
And then I realized I am blue.

Blue in this sense meant that I had likings
Likings that were not ordinarily normal yet still in the realm of Normalcy.
It was the sense of I liked guys in the way I "should" like girls
In the sense I am more attractive to his golden curls.

I got to be blue, and still get to be blue, and forever get to be blue
Just not in the way I thought I would.

And she drank his words
Took that shot filled to the rim
Though it burned her throat.

She was on fire
Her stomach was on fire
But she endured it.

She gritted her teeth
Didn't even want to cough
Took another shot.

Its to the point now
That she doesn't feel the pain.
Too much of his shots

Are being taken
She cant see straight anymore.
She takes another

She is on fire
But for love she endures it
Fire consumes her.
It was her last shot.

There was a lover
Whose skin glowed and refelcted snow
whose eyes held the sea and a boat for the crossing
whose hair caught the suns gentle smile and waved
whose apperance was requested every night but only in the room of the others mind

Before you shoot your arrow to nick my heart
immerse the tip with the oils of bitter almonds.

I wanna write a song with lyrical meaning
but don't know what to sing 'bout tonight.
S'pose I be a selfish man and sing 'bout yo love
More like the lack thereof tonight.

Them lights overhead replace faces with blur
as I watch them consume shots of burbon.
S'pose I be a sympathetic man, sing 'bout the hurt
That's be hitting them towns Rural n urban.

s'pose, I just go on home now
Watch the Sun divorce this town
as it takes all it's colors with it.

(shrugs)

Thorns will ***** the ones who handle
stems as they choose to dandle
petals with no second thoughts.
All their efforts led to naught.

i wanted to find solace in your arms
but instead i find compromise and it's hard
to look into your eyes
those (I love them) eyes

And while we're ******* on a saturday
you're shirt your tucking on a sunday
Calling her saying you pulled a all nighter
then complain on how you don't like her.
but appearances are important
Aren't they....

Stationary,
Waiting,
For change.
The wind picks it up,
It’s flying,
Dancing.
Then it falls,
Settling onto the street.

It's submerged, its arms are bent, pent up against a blackened wall.
Have some compassion.
Have some compassion.
But it is forced to ****** and cross the threshold
Broken.

With you not at my side, i spend my days looking into the blue hills.
I watch them as they guard my homeland and then as time makes them turn  into a deeper state of sadness i watch the skies.
The sky is a vast black blanket with tiny holes that allowed some light to shine through but those holes don't keep me warm and i start to feel the solitude.

Alone with only my breathing audible i feel the cold creep up beside me overshadowed by  the night and i welcome both for i need the company.
Without you i am nothing. Just a mere shell and the only evidence that it still works is the heart that is cracked but still manages to beat, slowly but still manages to beat.

I'm alone.
I am alone.

I am very alone.

Every breath we inhale is one closer to death.
Every oxygen that is used in our bodies is closer to death.
Nothing can change that even if we hold our breath.

Truth is...
I can hear a part of my heart
Protesting with every heartbeat.
It screams
"Don't date, Just wait"
But My mind tells me
"It's done too late"
While I just stand there
like
Truth is...
I still want you...

They don't know, they really don't know
That beside this heart in so much pain
,in so much pain that the blood leaks instead of flowing,
Is a loaded gun.
Ready at any moment
at any given moment
To release a blessing
A gift
to them from me.

you took my heart for a walk
Strolling along side by side
Clinging onto to each other.

You took my heart out to sing
Singing melodies only we understood
Humming along with each other.

You took my heart out in the rain
to share that feeling like they have when they kiss in the rain
Letting that feeling make my heart shiver in pure love.

You took my heart
out for love and you succeeded

Sin is a powerful word
Taking Love by the neck
Wringing it till it's dead
Grabbing it by it's feet
While it cuts off the head.
Paralyzing it with fear
then shoots it with lead
Hangs it invertly
To let blood be shed
Sin is a powerful word
When Sin is involved
Love is no longer there

And the feelings never left.
They were just tucked away in the neat folds of my heart.
Some days I did my best to cover them up with my rib cage
but other days the feelings would slip their way through the gaps
and show.
But I don't know if you saw something
you probably didn't.

Come! screams the wind
Come and Dance with me!
But he is not my friend,
Nor will he ever be.

Come! Whispers the shadows
Come and Jest with I
But as he creeps on by
I notice evil intent in his eyes
As they shimer and  glow.

Come! beckons the ocean
But its fast and slow motion
make me nauseous
and Cautious


Come! Orders the Sun
But I am not one to be ordered
So I turn my back and shun
The king.

I dont listen to none of them
I wont Come nor Will i ever

You order two books off of Barnes and Noble
And perpetually wait by the porch
Every day to glimpse the mail carrier’s hands.
Anxiety settles upon your shoulders
Like the world on Atlas’s but because you believe
Carrying anxiety is not as intense
As carrying the world you shrug it off
But secretly, behind closed doors, your heart is biting its nails
Faster than it can pump blood
Because the world must not know what you are waiting for
Especially your parents for if they caught wind of it
You believe in your very core that they will douse them in gasoline
And ask you “at what temperature do books burn”
Before dropping a lit match onto the only security you have ever known.

A whisper that is too far away, too far to be heard so it's lost in silence.
A fragment disconnected from a sentence, disconnected from thought forgotten and buried by other words.
A child who is left behind, struggling to keep up, stumbling and reaching out but is never acknowledged.
What's left after winds leave destruction in thier wake, ripping away the roots that hold things in place, leaving spaces that can never be filled.
Or
It's just a group of water droplets frozen before their prime, clumped together and 18,000 feet in the air.

I don't know what happened but early this morning after drinking a monster and watching a movie I got hit by inspiration in result I wrote many poems a few a posted an hourish ago but I got more to post. It is weird that it strikes you like that.

If life were a runaway train I would buy tickets.
I would spend all my money in order to forget em.
To feel the wind push back all those memories
To hear their voices drowned by the whistle's melody.
If life were a runaway train I would hitch on that ride
Bellow out a satisfied, I can't be held down cry.
To see my obstacles become specks then none
To feel as if my battles I've won
If life were a runaway train I would never get off.

Lose the name which has been tainted with sour letters and revolting cadaver like syllables.
Shed the name which was held with the highest regard but now is regarded as a peasant.
Leave the name which once was carried with the chin thrusted  towards the sky but now is,  desperatley left behind in the streets hopefully to be carried away by the rain water and into the drain.
Take the name which was bared with a solider's pride and rip it from your garments
Undo the stitching let it tangle
No longer must you have the name.

A song never sung
never written
for fear of being rejected.

A play never shown
never written
for fear of being rejected.

A love never prusued
never cherished
For fear of being rejected.

A wish never wished
never hoped
for fear of being rejected.

A meeting never met
never considered
for fear of being rejected.

Don't be afraid
do it.
you never know what might happen.

You have to give it a chance

pages rustling
I am immortal
my words will live on.
And they will hustle
every mind into portals
where thinking is drawn.
I am immortal.

Never again will my walls crumble
After being struck by a bomb of love
never agian will it make me feel warmth
like the sun found and melted my heart

Never again I say but yet some how these words dont mean a thing

For you were able to make me take them back

You broke my walls
You are the sun
You have made me feel the power of love

There is one thing that we all live with.
Its buried in our thoughts. Whispers of possibilities cloud our heads because  of it.
That thing is Regret.
We regret one thing or another.
Something we did and/or we something we didn't do.
It haunts us every waking moment, as we greet the day with half of dreams still in our heads.
As we walk down the stairs letting the noise of it play and replay.
Regret is something that will always occur
This is what I regret.

There isn't a day, there isn't a night
When I don't think
of What
I should have said.

Lost in those words
I should have said.
Confronted every time by those words
I should have said.
I want to be yours
I want to be at your side
I think I love you
Can I be yours even if it is for a while


Now, what is it that you Regret.

He stood there
All she could was stare
He had no words to say
But she had plan
Only her mouth was forced to a close with a kiss
Only it was anything but bliss
He tainted the kiss
when he tasted the girl
Two lockers down

And I whispered
   The thoughts
      that my heart
         kept circulating
             through my head.
               The night inhaled
                   Letting the thoughts
                      Circulate in the air
                         Till it let them leave into the night

They sing as if there was a song,
A joyous song to sing.
But with them dangling in the wind and me knowing the truth
I know they harmonize a somber tune.

Numbers and names get lost in the wind
and some are forgotten
A somber, forgotten tune.

I tried and tried to make you love me
But each time I fell on through
For a moment you made me believe
That I can make this dream come true

With that Dashing smile and those picercing Blue eyes
You had me for awhile
Actuallly since the first time I saw you
For a moment You had me thinking that you were all mine

But Reality, hit me, That cruel friend
To make me see that I can't have you
So, I know my love for you is at an end
No more wanting you
No more dreaming of you
Becasue I can not have you

Do I have a second chance?
Is this what a second chance looks like
With you following me
With you looking at me with does blue eyes I have always adored?

Or are you drowning in the no attention?
Desperate for some that you latch onto to me
knowing that I still what you at my side

Everyone is talking about you.
Shall I ?
She Refuses

Why do you hate me?
Why is it when i throw a line in your direction you cut it
with jagged glares and "I don't cares?"
Why do you ignore me?
You hear the sounds of desperation but you ****** your chin higher than my vocal range.

*why am I struggling to reach you?

I am without garments
My soul fully disclosed.
The fruit offered seductively
is dropped pit half exposed.
The juice drenches my flesh,
I am drenched only in woe.
Never will I see the heavens
When I've tasted down below.

At this moment
        the veins have been detached
From my heart
         because of your memory.
At this moment
         the blood is mixed with tears
And the sorrows that run
          Because of the longing.
At this moment
          I know I love(d) you
because I can't stop writing
                                               about
                                                         you.

Happiness?
Happiness, lives not here.
It will never slumber in the chambers of my heart.
Look else where for happiness.
For already has it past, Happiness's cart.

And then I held my tongue
Blocked the words that were to fall
Took my time to turn
And walk away
But something stayed behind
A piece of myself,
A few unspoken words.
I turned once to observe
What departed.
And eyed him, with curiosity taking point.
He gathered the air
With a breath
A deep inner sigh.
Trying to collect what wasn't said
I turned to face the front
Denied my heart’s intent
To go back
And walked away
Was it the right thing to do?

the path is overgrown with broken beer bottles.
fairies beat their wings to the rhythm of ******
pulsing in their veins.
an audible yet muffled cackle is heard
the source is a stump swollen with cigarette smoke.
And I have five minutes more before I get home.

And we's a travelin
on the road
Them buildins of Ol' downtown
become blurs
As we's a travelin
on the road
the trees of oak and pine
sure look mighty fine.
But they become blurs.

Oh! How I love the twists and turns
How I love rubber's burn
Can't wait to keep goin
Freedom is showin
What's it like to be on the road.

Walking along the aisles, thinking about stuff
All of a sudden I turn the corner and BAM There you are
Looking at you made my stomach churn and made my hands cold
Moments like this you don't prepare for
Anthony I saw you but made sure you didn't see me
Risked myself by talking quietly cause I didn't want you to hear me let alone see me
Times like that you don't prepare for. I know I didn't

If I can't kiss you
Let my lips say your name sweetly

If I can't hold you
Let me close enough to where I feel your presence

If I can't love you
Let me show it in hidden smiles and gestures

If I can't do anything
Just let me try

Dear Ex,

I have inhaled a thousand doubts
Exhaled a thousand pains
But through the course of my existence
Felt I never, a love quite the same.

Around me the air settles
As if it were
dust on weathered tattered discarded books
But it churns in whispered conversation
At the mere mention of your name.

The sheets of the bed are stained
With dried memories collected.
I haven't the heart to discard
in the hamper,
Later to evict them.


The car rides have homed silence
Who speaks more than I.
It strains my voice and my heart
To utter words, so all together
We utter sighs.

I haven't grown use to those final "Goodbyes"
It has always been "Talk to you later"
And "Until Next Time"
But now,

Now through my course of existing
I inhale doubts
and exhale pain.

An Emotionally distraught broken man,

Your Ex.

P.S
I have yet to experience a love equivalently the same.

If you were a tumor I would never remove you
If you were toxic gas I would breathe you in deeply
If you were a virus I would never take medicine
I would suffer greatly as long as I suffered with you

I never thought that I would be loving at a distance
Never thought those blue eyes would be a blur
My heart cracked when you almost kissed him
It Broke every time when you kissed her

I was a fool to believe you could love me
I felt my heart crawl back to safety
I was a fool to stand from a far and see
you wrap you arms around her
And believe it was me.

I was in love with you
But only from a distance
The gap between us grew.
The hole in the sweater that couldn't be mended

There is no blame to be thrown around
No angry words to be directed at any one but me

I was a fool.
A fool who believed that anything was possible
A fool on cloud nine.
A fool from a distant.

I have a dream
A dream that seems not to far our there
It doesn't touch the stars or the moon
It touches the horizon

It's a balloon losing air
Slowly coming towards me
And I anxiously wait for it to fall before my feet

This dream is what most people dream of
They think of every detail
Who to invite
Should they use Red Tulips or White roses
Should  they use chocolate icing for the cake or just plain white

My dream is a bit different
Sure I dwell on the details but they are nothing
I could care less if we have a cake
I could care less if we had roses falling behind us as we said our vows

My dream is that I can say two words
To words that will bind me to one person for life
For better and for worse

I know that in some states that I can go
Find that one guy and get married
But I want to be able to get married and it be recognize everywhere
I want to be able to say to strangers "This is my husband" in every corner of the world

This dream is not far fetched it is slowly occurring
A snail but I can wait for that dream to come true
For it to be known that Marriage is the one way to show love
A commitment of two people who love each other