she is asleep or close to it
the music pulses gently in this cramped space
but there is enough room in here
to see the worry
the nervous
the bashful
fade from her features
leaving in its place
breathtaking beauty
in her quiet countenance.

i stand by as the world trips over itself to fall in love with you -
for i know what it’s like to stand by you
for just one measure in the melody of this score.

it’s like a lifetime of sunshine falling upon me all at once
and even now thousands of miles away
i see the trails of your brilliance when i close my eyes.

it’s all i can do to keep my distance
when your words, in echoed time and harmony with my own,
send shockwaves to the center of my heart
cutting to the core of me in a delicious melting way

because i can’t breathe when you look at me
when our eyes arc electric, and the fire in your stare
robs me of my senses
and beckons me closer one shy smile at a time

my tongue refuses to be stilled
when it longs to regale you with resounding refrains
of how achingly beautiful you are
and how your smile makes my pulse rush in my veins

so i won’t stop listening to the spaces in between your speaking
looking to find in unspoken concert,
reflected wonder at the warp and weft of my woven words
and the silent serenade, that we -in love- are meant to be

i know this heartache is self inflicted.
this ache in my chest would not exist
if i did not feed it fairy tales of forever in your eyes.  
but your words are like fire in my veins
and lightning through my heart
when you speak of love
i may go mad when you speak of love!
when i am left, as ever before,
in a place of wanting and waiting,
longing for the searing sting
of a flame that is not mine  
and never was meant to be
but it is the only time that i truly feel awake and alive
because i burn for you like a beacon in the night
holding my torch aloft
ever heedless of your unseeing eyes

it’s been a long day.
i’ve flown over imaginary borders that separate one set of laws from another,
barriers that bind governance to geography and blue state from red.
i’ve been awake for far too long, trading in one sunrise for another sunset
in a place I’ve never been in search of memories that have not been made
and songs yet written.

just this side of sanity I stand in the shoes of the stubborn,
staving off sleep for just one more second of the day from a sun already spent
and a night run ripped and ragged.
my eyes scream for slumber and my mind reaches for unconsciousness.

and yet.

and yet.

i am here.
sheltered under strange sky I am here.
thinking of you.
thinking of what I would say if you were here.
and the thrilling sensation I feel,
the anticipation of someday having the courage
to take you in my arms,
keeps me awake.
dreaming of a reality where you are warm and soft against me
with your hands in my hair
and the pressing softness of your mouth on my skin

i want to know what it’s like to dance with you.
to move as one
allowing the music draw us closer
inexorably pulling
with the gravity of the groove we’re cutting

i want to feel the warmth of your body
come in contact with mine
as we push the boundaries
that always seem to dissolve
on the dance floor.

i want feel your hips swivel  
in the palms of my hands
as your breath dances across my neck,
your lips brush across my ear
as you lazily spin lyrics aloud in time
and lean your head into mine

feeling and knowing each beat
melting into me

i can feel the ground beneath my feet.
the terrain muffled by the soles of my shoes,
the even hardness of pavement
gives way to soft padding of shoed feet on grass.

i pass cities and traverse eons in a single stride,
hoping every step takes me closer
to where i’ve always needed to be.

but how will i know when i belong?
too long i’ve spent out of phase,
oscillating extremes of too much or not quite enough
to finally feel like i’ve arrived.

ever in search for a harmony to a tune not yet written,
i walk on