mom was soft
like a cushion
when you sat on her lap as a child
and rested your cheek against her shoulder
she was better
than any
bed.

mothers should be soft.
i have come to this conclusion.
mom was never very thin
she was a perfect plump
with red cheeks
and rainbow eyes
and thin,
rough
dishwater fingers
that would stroke your cheek
and sing the goodnight song
she made up
just for us.

i don't like rainy nights.
it makes me feel like the whole world is crying.

missing you
is one of the most confusing things in the world
because it’s so ****
hard
but so *******
easy
all at the same ****

time.

see, it hurts, like I’m missing a part of me
like those tales you hear
of survivors who lose a limb,
and feel the phantom pains?

Well I,
I wake up at night
and can almost taste you

right there
right
next to me.

I can almost feel your breath against my cheek
and I roll over and reach my hand out to touch

empty sheets.

and maybe it’s a bit morbid
to compare missing you to losing a limb
but morbid used to be my forte
somehow, still just
is.

Simply put
to miss you is to blink
you’re my life line
you’re the reason for my
seemingly endless
cheese.

Missing you is like taking a step,
or inhaling and blowing out
that first kiss
turned my whole world about

so now

missing
you
is like breathing air
thoughtless
but always there.

When she smiles, the way she does
when she looks at me
I feel warm inside
all those same  butterflies arise
and I feel myself becoming lost in her sunshine

Drinking
                                                                                                       *Smoking
                                      *******
                                                                                                                                        Partying
                                                                        Dancing
                                                                                                                    Making out

            I don't understand what it's all about.*

                                                            Standing around a party devoid
                                                            Of any fun connection;
                                                            Annoyed by the blatant lack of direction
                                                            Among my peers.  My college years
                                                            Are being spent disassociating myself
                                                            From those hell bent on doing nothing of
                                                            Importance.

This is for the girl who you tore apart.
For that little angel you once called sweetheart.
Tell me sir, how is it you ripped her heart clean in half?
Did it feel good, maybe even turn you on when you pushed her to the ground
Made her feel like trash?
You forgot she was delicate
A sculpture made of glass
Your rough hands and cold heart adding crack after crack.
Mercilessly chipping away at her smile.
She was the painting you picked apart for so long you forgot to appreciate each intricate stroke.
The dancer whose music you cut far too short.
She would have been your saving grace
But you made her feel like a disgrace.
Turn around little boy.
She's was not your toy.
Maybe one day you'll appreciate true art
Just don't you ever forget
That beautiful sweetheart you pushed into the dark.
Turn around little boy.
She's was not your toy.
This one is for the girl you tore apart.
Rest in peace sweetheart.

What looks?
if i were blind
i could feel
my instincts are truth
and to me
you will be to
i could feel truth with the sensitivity of a flower
cause i am a flower
no eyes
no ears
no nose
no skin
no mouth
no teeth
no nails
no feet
just truth for all its magnetic wonder
the majesty of god is me
it feels the truth pouring from you
and everything around

I get it now
I'm the problem
Its all my fault
and you blame me.
I cant do anything right
Because I'll just make them fight
and maybe
Its just them
Did you ever
Think of that?
No.
Because you just want me gone.
You don't think I know that?
I want me gone too!