Everybody's worried but
Nobody's concerned.
There's a difference,
And I wish you were
Both.

I'm a disappointment to
Mankind.

They bought me a cake
Sang to me softly
happy birthday Rachel!
I gave them a smile,
A show of sorts
And then turned my head slowly and
My lips fell and so did a
Tear.
They kept singing
Taking pictures and I pretended to laugh
Even though the smile I had on was
Fake.
I sighed and blew out my candles
I'm still not sure what I really wished for.
Death, David Tennant, or just someone to
Save me in general.
But to be honest,
I just want to be happy again.

I'm still listening.
The voices are
Telling me things.
my voice screams at them and
Trys to reason with them.
she should be dead
i should live, shouldn't I?
youre ugly, fat, and a ***, you're a disgrace to mankind
but I could help
youre worthless
I'm not sure who to believe,
They run back and forth and
I'm very confused.
I don't know what to do.

I was in a
Car wreck today.
My seat got the worst,
No seat belt on
And I flew.
Luckily I
Put my hands up and
Grabbed the seat in front of me or
I would've died.

Funny how my
Wish almost came true.

Happy birthday to me.

Hey now..
           you weave your fingers...
in my heart strings..

I want you.
I want to sit with you, in an apartment that's ours.
I want to buy furniture with you.

I want to eat Indian food with you,
and watch stupid sitcoms that are on tv with you.

I want to adopt a cat with you.
I want to read books while holding hands with you.

I want to cuddle with you for hours when it's raining outside.
Hell, I want to get caught in that rain with you.

I want to dance to my Frank Sinatra record collection.
I want it to be our collection.

I want to drive, really really far with you.
Like, really far.
I want to spend that much time in a confined space with you.

I want to run to Waffle House with you at three in the morning when we're high.
So, I want to get high with you.

I want to come home, to our home, and just be with you.
I want to sit down and file tax returns with you.

But, more than anything,
I want you to be happy.

So, if that means
you want nothing to do with me, then
I want you to forget me.

If you don't want to see me again,
I want to disappear.

If you want to run away from me, like I'm a problem,
I want to run in the opposite direction.

But, if one day,
you want me in return,
I'll be there.
You're all I've ever wanted,
and all I ever will want.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

No longer have I
Stars,
         Moon,
                    Sun
And what a wish for
Sextant,
             Compass,
                            Light house,
Never to think of
Radio,
           Radar,
                      Satellite



Only dead reckoning.