I would give you rivers and seas,
if only I could
encompass the tidal pulls
to bring them straight
to your bedroom window.

I found you lingered
in each drag of my
ever growing
cigarette addiction,
but addiction means trapped,
and I like to think of myself
as unchained.

Deep cuts on my forearm,
from falling off barbed wire
trying to reach you.
My friends will swat my hands,
when I reach for the scabs
I have a awful habit
of re-opening wounds.

And mornings are better,
when awoken with light kisses,
but they make nights alone
much worse
Because I long for your heavy breathing,
and your soft skin
to lull me to sleep.

I walked on ice so thick,
for so long,
your easy waves
and astounding depths,
caught me off guard
sometimes I forget how to use words,
because we talk so much
without them.

i want to stop,
i dont know if i can,
take these hands that fetter me,
remove the chains around this neck,
unlock my lips,
you can be creative,
figure out the steps,

make war on my senses,
id rather leave (her)e senseless,
capture this,
moment,
stolen,
and bought,
this organic prepackaged heart,
pressed and used to be pressed and you used again.
but its different for you,
ive made it for you unshackle the weary,
bones help me shake them down,
lets dance over supposition of our innocence now,
innocence used as a guise to cover and uncover who we really are,
well... the we ... we are together,
chop it up spit it all out give them something to shout about,
i will the secrets you keep hold to hope
will make a promise,
never to consider the rope
of injustice,
a picket fence and 2.5 kids
make the promise for living

Wrote and rewrote
six separate drafts
trying to describe
how much I enjoy your freckles,
as well as your company
but I'm scared
because when summer ends,
like the gorgeous spots on your shoulders
you will fade,
but I don't want to let go

The Path of the Righteous Man is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the Selfish
and the Tyranny of Evil Men.

Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will
shepherds the Weak through the Valley of Darkness,
for he is truly his Brother's keeper,
and the finder of lost Children.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger,
those who attempt to poison and destroy my Brothers!
And you will know my name is the Lord
when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

That night that you ****** me like a *****,
your final dream came true.
You became the man,
that no girl ever wants to meet.
I did the only thing I knew how to do,
when I wanted to forget.
My stomach full of wine,
making my eyes believe that he
was you.
I was angry and thirsty when I awoke.
Her refrigerator only had 3 things in it,
alcohol, cold water and old cheese.
When I looked up,
you were standing there
looking at me with those big brown eyes.
You looked as sad as I felt,
tragedy was written on your face.
And your arms stretched out to meet my broken heart.
When we layed back down,
to the places that we should,
you looked so soft in comparison,
to the boy I layed beside.
When you invited me to lay with you,
your voice was so much softer,
than it had been in recent weeks.
I wanted to know why...
Why you were doing that.
Giving me that look,
with those eyes that I wanted to badly
to see me again.
...
You told me that you loved her,
and that you still cared for me.
Then you ****** me like a *****,
on our best friend's hallway floor.
And when I said I love you,
you looked at me with that same hallow stare,
from the week before.
...you said nothing...
All of the things I wanted to say,
and all the things I still do,
were trapped in the walls of that apartment,
and in the walls of our wombs,
that you deny you have.
And that night you became the man,
that you never wanted to be.
And I became the *****,
that made that okay.

I have a few unhealthy habits that my therapist wants me to shake.
Chewing my nails is a nervous habit, he says.
Smoking cigarettes is only a crutch, he says.
Gorging/starving is a personality flaw, he says.
Drinking alone will cause problems, he says.
Falling for those who are leaving, have left, or are simply out of reach is a death wish, he says.
Hating yourself simply won't do, he says.


Tonight,
a hot summer night,
spent cigaretteless,
loveless,
and sleepless,
teach me more about myself
than Doctor Eric Schlanger, L.C.S.W.
ever could.

I know not about the feelings I have,
and the urges I get.
I know not when they'll come,
how long they will last,
and what my actions shall be.

I'm a mess.
This is the only way to describe it.
I'd rather breakdown in your arms,
than be at ease alone.

My wine is on the top shelf of my closet, inside a suit case.
One pack of cigarettes rests inside of my nightstand.
My Vicodin lies in the back of the same nightstand in a small red envelope.
My **** is in an Altoids tin sandwiched between my two mattresses, by the window.
Another pack of cigarettes is in the front pocket of my backpack accompanied by a lighter.
Another lighter is in clear view on my nightstand.
Three 70 mg Oxycontin are in an allergy pill container underneath my bed.
My tobacco pipe and tobacco are in an old medical kit on the second shelf of my book shelf.

I love you mom.
More than all these things
and the fact that I feel that I have to let you know that makes me very, very sad.

Discovery can lead to hurt feelings.

This isn't the first time it's happened to me
but for some reason it hurts more than the other incidents.

It's how a baby must feel,
breathing in second hand smoke
from an unthoughtful,
yet seemingly loving,
father, to discover
that one who is held by me
is simultaneously enough
being held by another.

Color me selfish,
but when I hold a beautiful body
in my arms
and I kiss them for who they are
and I kiss them for their soul
I wish for the feeling to be mutual.
I wish for it to have meaning
and I wish for it to be
a singular couple.

This poem was birthed by two things:
My own distaste for confrontation
and you're lack of judgement
to fool around with him,
while fooling around with me.

And you're gone now,
you're opening a new chapter in your life,
but you get away with selfish ******* too much
and it's time you heard about it.



Hold on my dearest friend,
I'm not done yet.
I never knew you to be selfish,
but before I kissed you,
I wish you would have stopped me
and told me you were being kissed by another.

I guess that's all I really want to say.
Although it may not be all that should be said,
and it may be more than what's right.

When the nights are hot
and the doors are locked
and I'm not with you
I begin to wish for
a thousand more kisses
and a million more songs to remind me of you.

I wish for it to be November again.

Once a girl told me I kiss like I'm in a hurry
and I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

When I kiss you I feel as if
you're trying to fit a lifetime of kisses
into one single breath
and I feel as if
I never want to breathe again.