where’s the blood?
the warmth i’m missing,
where’s your hand to hold on to
when i leave.
when i leave, i’ll be crawling to the exit leaving a trail
like a slimy snail
with my shell cracked open and the fluids leaking.
like a snail, the salt wounds me, making me die of a salty death.
like a snail.
the blood has drained my humanity
and it’s on your hands.

I have come to the end of my rage
I have come to the end of my days
Please don’t fear me now
I wish to love you still.
I have highlighted useless things
I have spoken such empty sayings
I have gave away that are much overdue
I have done all that there is to do
Please be another sentence longer as I write you down
In my book of endings
Please be another comma,
for I shouldn’t be left hanging onto some threads, they have started fraying.
Let’s watch another sunset again
for another day
Let’s feel the brown grass underneath our feet in late May.
Lets smell the ice cream van from a few streets away and pay with a little money we could spend.
I could love you
But that would be sordid of me.
I would cheat you out of forgiveness
but I’m sorry.
We could love again
But we both know
So, i have to let you go.

look how restlessly tired i am
so nervously calm i am
uncomfortably peaceful i am

and yet i sit here with a shooting pain to my stomach and a sore *** from sitting too long from travelling too far
when can i stop?
when will i stop?
if i stop…

could i continue to the new side of the same wall i’ve looked at?

there is no epiphany
there is no afterthought
no eureka
no ******

it’s the same wall i’ve looked at with a different view from the other side.

nothing is different
nothing is replaced
no changes
no shift

please stop it’s stays on there
it’s permanent
everyone will see it eventually
please i’m begging you it’s okay
it’s okay to cry
cry
it hurts me so much
promise me you’ll stop please
i’ll hold you
i can do that just
please stop it not going to get better like that
you're choosing a harmful path
it’s so bad and damaging
please come back
i can hold you
it’s alright
it will be fine
just stay with me please
i can’t bare it
i like you
like really like you
i love you even
please
love me back

A Beast has emerged
from the dark depths of
their cave.

New horns every tuesdays and new languages every thursdays

Angry at the world they
have submerged themselves
into and
Angry at their passerby dwellers

They claim what they are not
and not claimed to be so
instead they say they are one thing and one thing they are

Unpredictable and unruly they be
  but understanding and caring that they will as pleased

they are all soft to the core if one were to speak to them (or so I have learned)
They all want to be loved, to be cared for and to be
heard

imagine yourself stuck in mud.
Not the kind in the woodlands but the kind by the seaside that leads far out among the shoreline.
Now imagine you’re stuck in this tough mousse  like mud and you’re knee deep in it.
but you don’t want to really move from it but more wait for something to happen. but you’ve seen it before it just came back
differently and in another form.
can you imagine this?
Now imagine it for nearly a whole week,
tough isn’t it?
how about a whole month or maybe even for a whole year?
Now imagine this for the rest of your life.
It’s difficult
Sometimes you’ll see something you’ll like and other times you won’t.
But most of the time you’ll still be stuck.
and in the survival mode for a long, long time.
that takes up a lot energy to use.
and it can get all over the place and make no sense for you so stop and just accept it.

So you just stop and accept the waves slowly
forming around as
you’re stuck knee deep in the
seaside mud and
you let it happen.
because you’ve gone past the point of caring
whether the waves will
come back again because
you see they always
do and you can’t stop it
not like Caligula did
as he whipped at it relentlessly
for his drive of anger was for Poseidon
No
All you have now is,
is this sinking muddy
terrain with the sea
rolling in and out,
dusk til dawn,
Hot till cold,
But you always understood
Why this were to happen for
the sake of the moon rolling in the tides and pulling them
back out as if it were
inevitable
as you are stuck stranded
on the sandy muddy horizon
With no one but your lonely self