Trudging by
Sifting through tar
One tug after tug
Pulls after pulls
Twists after twists
I'm clawing away from my homestead
Grasping for the surface,
Clearing my path with
One stroke after stroke
Grunt after grunt
Push after push
I'm dreadging along
Each inhale a prayer,
Each stomp getting softer,
Smoother, silkier.
Simpler, with that sliver of warmth

Soft bushy mane moves from side to side on cotton cloud,
Vague vision dance around on the pink bubbles with no intention of staying behind, ‘Stead leave pitter patter foot steps of colours of love and hatred to taunt you when you wake,

However, nor scared nor assured what to do when in state of your paralysis,

Now, you, in the state would not mind being threatened by nightly visitors,

Who would put chains and shackles on you and would you fight back? You try and try and try and try and try,
but don’t you think deep down that these nightly visitors are just there because you want them to be?

Then again, why not?

Busy, busy bee.
Busy, buzzy bee.
Whirring, wizzing, watching.
Carving, sculpting, moulding
a new form, filling the hole
with a masses of honey,
dotted all over, mashed with a neighbour.

Busy, busy bee.
Busy, dizzy bee.
Shifting, shoving, showing.
Wiggling, writhing, whining.
Coated in honey, scraping
out little bubbles.
In….
Out….

Busy, busy bee.
Busy, thinking bee.
Licking, inhaling, choking.
Taste, make haste, quickly.
In….
Out….
In….
Out….

F*k, I’m sorry…so sorry
I should’ve known the risks of being your friend.

You give, You take.
What’s yours is yours
And what’s mine is yours.
Thank you for letting me know why I’m your friend,
Why I even talk to you.
I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made because that’s what being a teenager who ages too fast does to you.
EVERYTHING AFFECTS YOU
like the world would crumble if a feather touched you.

You seek joy and blame and hurt and love and s*x like
They’re all shoved into one neatly wrapped present with a bow tie on it, including a note from me and many others saying:
“Enjoy life, love, destroy it while it lasts”

I can’t say anything around without that upper lip of yours where you’re more hurt than any of us.

I forgive you, so terribly much.

But it would all mean nothing if you could forgive me for being so disrespectfully drunk.

i can’t go back with him and if i do it’ll be in vain
i would love to but it would be selfish

i still love him, whenever i see him i just wanna hug him and say “i’m here, i won’t go”
i wanna kiss him on his cheek and just love him

i think about him every day in the little things and say “i remember when he did that”
i wanna feel that love he gave me too again

i miss our cuddles
our conversations about nothing,
the little explanations of everyday things

i miss making you laugh and smile with me
i miss making you blush with simple kind gestures

we met at the right time and place and yet we were just buds
i want us to grow apart and come together again

i want all of these things and know that it will happen

it won’t happen and yet i fantasise
about us at a party, looking at each other from across the room, slowly getting together like magnets and both realising

“i want to be with you right now”
i want to be with you right now and tomorrow
right now and tomorrow

it’s selfish of me
i want only the best after me
after us
after yesterday

i want to discover more new things about you and you to i
it’s not fair

the sun looks youthful today